Via Movoto, a handy widget for calculating how many potatoes it would take to power your home.

(Click here if you’re not familiar with extracting electricity from potatoes, or if you’re just curious about the backstory on the widget)

This is the actual widget, not just a screenshot. Go ahead, type in your numbers & pick your time frame.

By the way, nobody tell Obama about this, lest he turn it into some sort of mandatory Green Energy program.

OBAMA: “Okay. I guess you aren’t going to blink, so we finally give him. We will accept the defunding of Obamacare. And I dressed up like a baby and gave a whole address to the nation consisting of goos and gas. And I punched Harry Reid in the face.”

REPUBLICANS: “We didn’t ask for that last one.”

OBAMA: “Well, it happened. So, you got everything you wanted. Please end this government shutdown.”

REPUBLICANS: “Yeah… well… we kinda like the shutdown now. I mean we’re always talking about reducing the government, but we can never do it. And now it’s shutdown, and that’s kinda like a reduction.”

OBAMA: “But we can’t leave it shutdown! We need a fully functional government so it can keep park rangers from needlessly harassing people!”

REPUBLICANS: “Nah. I think we’re good. A government shutdown equals less government. We did right.”

OBAMA: “But what about the debt ceiling?”

REPUBLICANS: “Oh, well, we were discussing that one too. We’re always talking about cutting spending, but all the the government spending ever does is increase. Hey, but know what would stop it? Not raising the debt ceiling.”

OBAMA: “But if we don’t raise it, we’ll default! It will be a disaster!”

REPUBLICANS: “Like a sequester-sized disaster or a government shutdown-sized disaster or an actual problem?”

OBAMA: “You will destroy this country!”

REPUBLICANS: “Or — and listen to this one — we actually not spend more money. Like we cut stuff so we stay under the debt ceiling. I know; spending within our limits. It’s a radical idea.”

OBAMA: “What?! All economists say budgets shouldn’t add up! You’ve gone insane! You can’t do this! Harry Reid, come over here.”

REID: “What? I was just going to– AH! YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!”

OBAMA: “There, Republicans; you got what you wanted. Raise the debt ceiling.”

REPUBLICANS: “We never asked you to punch Harry Reid.”

OBAMA: “Fine. Reid, you can go.”

REPUBLICANS: “Hey, we didn’t say stop, either.”

There’s a new report out that says Americans are dumbasses.

According to an Associated Press story, Americans scored lower than average in math, reading, and problem-solving.

Turn out that Japanese, Canadians, Australians, and Finnish adults all did better than Americans. Now, I knew the Japanese were smart. Resourceful, too. You gotta nuke ’em to make ’em quit. But Canadians? Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Canadians or Canadia as a country. They’re like Americans, but without all the accomplishments. Unless you count hockey. Even then, it’s been 20 years since a Canadian team won the Stanley Cup. Rowsdower would not be pleased.

And Australians? They gave us Yahoo Serious.

I won’t say anything about folks from Finland, because I don’t that’s a real place.

Anyway, Americans all scored lower than those people. That means we’re dumbasses.

Unless the test is wrong. Or something.

Maybe it was written in Canadian or Australian. That could explain it. Or maybe all the questions had to do with beer. As much as Americans drink beer, I think the Canadians and Australians would be hard to beat in a beer-drinking contest. Of course, what else is there to do in Canadia or Austria/Australia (whichever)? Stalk moose or crocodiles?

But, then I remember the 2008 and 2012 elections. I’m thinking the test is right. Americans are dumbasses. Or, at least, 52% of Americans are. And that puts us below average.

The good news? When the Finlandfolk come at night to take over America, riding elk to the sound of the Karelia Suite, after they conquer that 52%, the rest of us will swat the Finns like flies. Of course, we won’t do anything until they’ve captured the 52% and taken them back to work as slave labor, tilling the frozen land. As a sign of good faith, we won’t ask for the 52% back.

Anyway, with the dumbasses gone, America will score higher on tests. In fact, we’ll write our own tests and laugh at the Canadians, Australians, and Finlanders as they try to take them.

But not the Japanese. Piss them off and they’ll attack Hawaii.