If the government is shutdown, why is my paycheck still withholding money for federal taxes?

I’ll believe your doomsday talk about the debt ceiling if you condemn 2006 Obama as a dangerous extremists who should have been stopped.

I thought no one other than DC would elect a crackhead mayor, but I just got made mayor of the town in Animal Crossing.

If I were in Game of Thrones, I’d just uppercut the head off a dragon and end up ruler of all of Mordor.

We passed Obamacare to see what’s in it, so in that spirit of exploration let’s hit the debt limit to see what happens.

Does our tax money go towards these White House press meetings? Seems like a big non-essential waste right there.

To unite the Democrats and Republicans, I tried to come up with a common enemy, but the Miley Cyrus thing didn’t work out as well as I hoped

We wouldn’t have a government shutdown if we didn’t have a government. #GiveAnarchyATry

I think we can survive pretty long without a government; I can’t even remember the last time we actually had a president.