Archive of entries posted on 29th October 2013
Old School Comedy
[High Praise! to Springeraz of Nuking Politics]
The pacing was slower back then, but the timing was impeccable:
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #69,619)
Surprise!
In Arizona, two men out hunting quail were ambushed by a rabid bobcat.
I think we just found the perfect metaphor for Obama’s foreign policy.
Probably Blaming Bush
Link of the Day: Miley Cyrus Totally Looks Like
[High Praise! to Hatless in Hattiesburg]
Yeah, this was pretty much just kind of a little something for Bloom County fans.
Some days, I really miss Billy and the Boingers.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Mon Girlfriend NSA Potatoes Sunglasses Chicken Motorcycle
In Jamaica, every day is a 'mon' day. hi everyone thanks for reading my hilarious jokes.
— Brian Essbe (@SortaBad) October 28, 2013
I want a girlfriend just so I have someone who has to talk me.
— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) October 28, 2013
Re this NSA scandal, history does show that keeping close tabs on the Germans isn't the dumbest thing in the world. Just say'n.
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) October 28, 2013
There's a slight moral difference between cold mashed potatoes and potato salad. Get that right, kid, and everything else will fall in line.
— Uncle Dynamite (@UncleDynamite) October 28, 2013
Found my missing sunglasses right where I left them: On the face of this zoo's most badass orangutan.
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) October 28, 2013
Why did the chicken cross the road? Don't ask Obama, this is the first time he's heard of that joke.
— Political Math (@politicalmath) October 28, 2013
Riding a three-wheeled motorcycle is a cool way to say "I don't like authority OR ouchies."
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) October 29, 2013
Obvious Question, Obvious Answer
The House Energy and Commerce Committee will probe into what went wrong with the Obamacare sign-up website.
I’m predicting a 3-word answer: “the bill passed”.
Obama Warned Us – Recession Recovery
We’ll recover from this recession, but it will take time, it will take patience, and it will take an understanding that, when we all work together, when each of us looks beyond our own short-term interest to the wider set of obligations we have towards each other, that’s when we succeed, that’s when we prosper, and that’s what is needed right now.
BARACK OBAMA, press conference, Mar. 24, 2009
“That doesn’t apply to ME, of course, but the rest of you – get crackin’!”
You’ve Been Judged!
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “Hillary Clinton Told a Heckler “The Future Doesn’t Include Yelling”. What DOES It Include?”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Straight Line of the Day: Nancy Pelosi Wouldn’t Say What Democrats Would Do If They Regained the House in 2014. Your Prediction?
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Nancy Pelosi wouldn’t say what Democrats would do if they regained the House in 2014. Your prediction?
Some Statement More Accurate Than the “If You Like Your Plan, You Can Keep It” Lie
So, the “If you like your plan, you can keep it” statement is perhaps one of the biggest lies in the history of presidents. Yes, Obama could have been a complete and utter incompetent moron who had no idea how his policies would affect, but the evidence points to him being a scumbag liar. Jay Carney is trying to say that the people who are losing the plans they like should be happy because now they’re being forced to buy more expensive plans with extra coverage they didn’t want, but those aren’t the only people affected. My wife and I lost the health care plan we really liked because it was too good and would eventually be subject to the “Cadillac” tax, so my company dropped it (yeah, this time it’s personal, Obama!).
Anyway, Obama is never going to admit he outright lied to the American people — because, you know, he’s a liar and that would be telling the truth, but I decided to offer some suggestions for more accurate statements he can use in the future.
SOME STATEMENTS MORE ACCURATE THAN THE “IF YOU LIKE YOUR PLAN, YOU CAN KEEP IT” LIE
“If you like your plan, you can keep a memento of it to remember it by.”
“If you like your plan, you can keep it… unless we decided you shouldn’t like your plan and you should want a more expensive one.”
“If you like your plan, then you have to pay a fine.”
“If you like your plan, hold on to that feeling because you’ll need that knowledge that once upon a time all was well in this world to get your through the dark times ahead.”
“If you like your plan, well, too bad; you’re a middle class tax payer and your fate could not be of less interest to the president.”
“If you like your plan so much, then why don’t you marry it?”
“If you like your plan, stop thinking of yourself and instead think of all the poor Americans out there who don’t have health insurance and how we’re going to fine them for that.”
“If you like your plan, then please don’t take it personally when your blundering, incompetent government crushes it.”
“If you like your plan, we’re sorry it’s going away but this is the first Obama’s heard about it so don’t blame him; he never has any idea what’s going on.”
“If you like your plan, still consider setting aside three to five days to navigate Healthcare.gov and compare it to the other plans available.”
“If you like your plan, then this will be much more painful for you.”
Tweeting hooters
Now they have a bra that tweets.
According to a report in Times of India, there’s a bra that sends a tweet every time it’s unclasped. It only tweets in Greek, though. Which, I assume, means the guy undoing the bra from its wearer is looking directly at the clasp. (Some of you will get that. The rest of you, don’t worry about it.) But enough of that.
I suppose it’s for a good cause. It’s to promote Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And, if letting the world know your boobies have been unleashed increases Breast Cancer Awareness, then, yeah.
I have a feeling, though, that it won’t be long before this technology is used for less worthwhile causes. Like promoting Obamacare.
For instance, every time a body bag is zipped up, the Obamacare Twitter account tweets that the Death Panels have scored another win.
Until that day — and it’s probably not that far off — we’re content with Greek Boobie Tweets.
Its all we have before we all go tits up.
Random Thoughts: Obama’s Supervisor and Liking Your Health Plan
For Heinlein Fans
[High Praise! to jw for the link, also at Nuking Politics]
The Missouri House of Representatives is conducting an online poll to select famous Missourians for its Hall of Famous Missourians.
As jw says, “I know many of us were influenced by him. A very rare chance to say ‘thanks’.”
Go here, if you’re so inclined, and vote for him. I already did.
Free Ice Cream Kills Ice Cream Plant
Indiana’s Bonnie Doon Ice Cream plant says it’s closing its doors because it can’t survive the financial burdens of Obamacare.
I can just see Obamacare’s new motto: “At least we’re not stealing candy from babies – yet”.