In Jamaica, every day is a 'mon' day. hi everyone thanks for reading my hilarious jokes.
— Brian Essbe (@SortaBad) October 28, 2013
I want a girlfriend just so I have someone who has to talk me.
— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) October 28, 2013
Re this NSA scandal, history does show that keeping close tabs on the Germans isn't the dumbest thing in the world. Just say'n.
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) October 28, 2013
There's a slight moral difference between cold mashed potatoes and potato salad. Get that right, kid, and everything else will fall in line.
— Uncle Dynamite (@UncleDynamite) October 28, 2013
Found my missing sunglasses right where I left them: On the face of this zoo's most badass orangutan.
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) October 28, 2013
Why did the chicken cross the road? Don't ask Obama, this is the first time he's heard of that joke.
— Political Math (@politicalmath) October 28, 2013
Riding a three-wheeled motorcycle is a cool way to say "I don't like authority OR ouchies."
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) October 29, 2013