Archive of entries posted on 23rd October 2013
Honest Obamacare Commercial
[High Praise! to IowaDawg]
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #381,205)
If anyone can find the actual Obamacare commercial that this is a parody of, please drop a link in the comments.
I Demand Justice – In Full
In Fresno, a mail carrier was fired after he was caught throwing away a stack of junk mail touting Obamacare.
I guess he *did* deserve to be fired, but couldn’t we at least have given him a medal first?
ObamaCrash: Explained
Link of the Day: Satire – Bashar Al-Assad To Receive Nobel Peace Prize
[High Praise! to The Duffel Blog]
Bashar Al-Assad To Receive Nobel Peace Prize
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Whole Smile Exam Restaurant Bothans Apple Singles Wife Brosurance Grayson Dinosaurs Iceberg Peas
robbers stole $60,000 from a NYC Whole Foods. police don't know if the bag of apples and loaf of bread will ever be recovered.
— lawblob (@lawblob) October 22, 2013
“I’ll soon wipe that smile off your face!” – Tired clown’s lovely wife
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) October 22, 2013
Got the results of my eye exam back – it's twins!!
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 22, 2013
1)Go to a nice restaurant with friends 2)When the waiter asks if everything's ok, pull em to the side & say "I DONT KNOW WHICH ONE TO MARRY"
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) October 22, 2013
"Many Bothans died to bring us this information." -Best way to end a presentation
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) October 22, 2013
Requiring Safari to watch the streaming video seems like the most pointlessly Apple thing to do.
— Matt Yglesias (@mattyglesias) October 22, 2013
Hot Singles are in my area! Mate-less lava-beings rampaging 'cause they're lonely!!
— BillCorbett (@BillCorbett) October 22, 2013
My wife and I don't like the same things anymore but we are still together because luckily we are still annoyed by the same things.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) October 22, 2013
My question is, does brosurance cover pre-existing popped collars?
— Caleb Howe (@CalebHowe) October 22, 2013
I'm not sure what's worse: Alan Grayson comparing the Tea Party to the KKK or him using Comic Sans to make that point
— Crudo (@Crudotastic) October 22, 2013
Maybe dinosaurs were living skeletons we don't know.
— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) October 22, 2013
dont be sad, girl. u are like a iceberg.. 90% of ur beauty is below the surface. now 95%. now 100% OMG GIRL ARE YOU DROWNIMG
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) October 22, 2013
I don't think future generations will forgive us for the Black Eyed Peas.
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) October 22, 2013
Just Too Dangerous
The postal service had to destroy its entire run of Michelle Obama-inspired “Let’s Move” stamps because it showed children playing without safety equipment.
Ironically, the postal worker destroying them wasn’t wearing safety gloves and suffered a wicked paper-cut throwing them into the furnace.
Obama Warned Us – Education
I’ve often said that I don’t believe government has the answer to every problem or that it can do all things for all people. We are a nation built on the strength of individual initiative. But there are certain things that we can’t do on our own. There are certain things only a government can do.
BARACK OBAMA, weekly address, Mar. 14, 2009
“And I’m gonna make sure the government does them to you until you beg for mercy.”
Straight Line of the Day: If You Call the Obamacare Hotline Number…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
If you call the Obamacare hotline number…
The Obamacare Website is Like a Box of Chocolates…..
I’ve been trying to access the Obamacare website, and it’s actually been kind of entertaining. You never know what you are gonna get. Here are some of the things I encountered while trying to apply on the website:
- I’m not sure, but I think I ended up with reservations at Motel 6
- I had to pay 15% more for my car insurance
- I happened upon some inappropriate selfies of Kathleen Sibelius
- A live feed opened up that allowed me to spy on the NSA
- The internet filters at work blocked the site claiming it was perceived as a DNS attack
- It reset all the passwords on my computer, forced the default browser to Internet Explorer and changed my homepage to Amazon’s listing for The Audacity of Hope
- I ended up at this bizarre page where I was told I had been selected to be enrolled in the special Logan’s Run plan
- For some reason, it wouldn’t accept my application until I entered in my credit card, bank and eTrade account numbers and passwords
- When I tried the Spanish site, the first thing it did was offer me a complimentary social security number, birth certificate and driver’s license
- It offered me a subsidy if I agreed to be something referred to as a ‘Congressional living organ donor’
- Whenever the website stalled, a window would pop up saying, “The website is experiencing difficulties because it is Bush’s fault you stupid racist.”
Should Liberal Pundits Point Out That Obama Is Naked?
So it was a pretty big fail for President Obama when he was going to premiere his clothing he spent $400 million and walked out naked. I mean, everyone started laughing at him — even though he kept acting like he didn’t hear it. It was so bad, even lots of liberal pundits had to acknowledge that, yes, Obama was naked.
But not the hackiest of hacks. So here’s Joan Walsh in Salon with an article titled “Liberal pundit fail: Rush to point out Obama is naked only aids unhinged right”.
The Republicans never wanted President Obama to be dressed nicely in the first place and thus opposed him hiring those special tailors for that reason, but now they’re going to act outraged that the outfit the tailors made is non-existent? Liberal pundits are just joining in this disingenuousness by acknowledging that Obama is in fact naked. What we should be doing instead is applauding Obama’s attempt to clothe himself regally and encourage him to continue in this effort until one day he is wearing actual, existing clothing.
I don’t know how someone can live with themselves being that much of a hack. And maybe she can’t. Be on the lookout for Joan Walsh doing anything suicidal, like trying to sign up for Obamacare.
Bully?
Last weekend, in Texas, the Aledo High Bearcats beat the dog snot out of the Western Hills Cougars. How bad? The 91-0 score knocked the Western Hills Website offline.
I hate it for the Cougars, but stuff happens. Sometimes you get your butt kicked. Even by teams that are playing second-stringers in the first quarter.
So, how do you deal with it? Well, if you’re a cry-baby parent, you file a complaint accusing the winning team of bullying.
It’s not bullying. It’s football. Of course, I’m from Georgia. That’s the same state where Georgia Tech is located. And Georgia Tech is the team that beat Cumberland 222-0 in a game one time.
Now, in that game, head coach John Heisman (yes, the guy they named the trophy after) was trying to run up the score. Earlier that year (1916), Cumberland used professional players in a baseball game against Tech (Heisman was also the baseball coach, as well as basketball coach), beating the North Avenue school 22-0. Heisman didn’t like that, not one little bit. So, in October, he had the football team run up the score. They stopped at 222 points. Because the game ended.
That’s football. It’s not bullying.
Nobody wants to be on the high school team that got beat 91-0. But nobody wants to have their mommy run call the opposing coach a bully.
Maybe the Western Hills Cougars should file a complaint … against whiny parents.
Random Thoughts: Brosurance, Alan Grayson, and the New iPad
Organic eggs? Any decent farmer is going to avoid spraying pesticides on his eggs.
Obama said that if for some reason you aren’t able to obtain insurance through the website, you’ll be just fine. Or maybe he said “fined.”
Need to stop trying to reason with liberals when they charge racism; just squirt them in the face with a spray bottle until they learn.
Instead of making them in China, we’re making Mac Pros in America. Well, not “we”; robots are.
American Robots > Chinese Exploited Worker
$3000 for a Mac Pro? You could buy a PC manufacturer for that.
I ONLY HEARD THE NAME AND I WANT THE NEW IPAD!!!
I HATE MY STUPID GIANT CLUNKY IPAD I BOUGHT LAST YEAR!!!
How thin can they make iPads before they easily snap in two?
So does the iPad mini have all the same feature of the iPad Air but it’s smaller and $100 cheaper?
No Touch ID 🙁
Kind of meh update, actually. Smaller is nicer, but no must have feature for someone who already has a retina display iPad.
Hey, liberals, if you ever want to prove your whining about civility isn’t partisan BS, you can always denounce Alan Grayson.
Brosurance? Why are my taxes dollars going to get health insurance for people I want dead?
Wow. That Mac Pro is expensive, but it looks like it doubles as a cup holder.
After District 8 dumped Grayson with an 18 point loss, what the hell is wrong with District 9 to pick up that turd?
Maybe the Obamacare rollout is stealth marketing for the Gremlins reboot.
Wow. The Obamacare website is so bad we all forgot about how Ben Affleck was cast as Batman.
So how much of that $400 million to make the Obamacare website was for QA? 8 bucks?
I wonder what would happen if Obama tried to make the trains run on time.
Lesson Learned: If you’re tasking the government with something as or more complex than “create a webpage,” expect an epic failure.
Man, I wanted a good excuse to buy a new iPad since I cracked the screen on my iPad 3 (month after getting it), but Apple didn’t give me one.
I’m Just As Surprised As You Are
Alec Baldwin said he’s “not going to go for laughs” on his new MSNBC show.
Wait… I hear Chris Matthews talking about being centrist all the time. You mean MSNBC’s not a comedy network?