Archive of entries posted on 9th December 2013

Link of the Day: Does Progress Follow Effort?

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[High Praise! to 4of7 of Little Worlds]

Old and New

4of7 asks the question that plagues every artist (and, indeed, any human being who ever attempts to improve himself): “Am I any better now than when I started?”

Click over and judge for yourself.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Baby Dinner Phone

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NSA “Spying” on Video Games

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So, apparently, the NSA has been spying on World of Warcraft and XBox Live — or I should say “spying.”

*boss walks in on NSA agents playing Call of Duty*

BOSS: “What are you doing?”

AGENT: “We’re… uh… spying on Call of Duty. It might be being used as a digital terrorist training camp. We don’t want them earning killstreaks in real life.”

BOSS: “Oh, okay. Carry on.”

AGENT: “Actually, next we’re going to have tournament to spy on Mario Kart if you want to join in.”

Maria: Nazi Smasher

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So the wife made me watch that Carrie Underwood The Sound of Music. I even suggested another movie with a well known star of musicals, Hugh Jackman, but I still had to watch The Sound of Music instead of The Wolverine. It’s funny, though, until we started watching, I completely forgot I was in The Sound of Music in 8th grade. I was Max, which was the second biggest male speaking part, but he doesn’t come in until the 2nd act which means I didn’t pay attention to the first act and never understood the plot.

Anyway, that movie needs a lot of updating. Not only is none of the music dubstep, but the plot is just lame and boring. First change, rename if from the yawn inducing “The Sound of Music” to the much more exciting sounding “Maria: Nazi Smasher” (“I’ve come to sing songs and kill Nazis, and I’m all out of Nazis.”). And, the ending needs to be changed. I mean, you can’t have Nazis in a movie or video game and then not kill them — that’s almost being a Nazi-sympathizer. So, definitely more action at the end.

MARIA: “We’re the von Trapps. We sing as a family.”

*all pull out guns*

MARIA: “And we kill as a family.”

GRETEL: “The sun has gone, and to graves you all must go” *starts firing*

Also, that “Do-Re-Mi” song is cute, but it could really use some updating as well. Here’s my stab at it:

D’oh, a sound that homer makes
Ray, famous for its pizza
Me, a being filled with awesome
Fall, the time for pumpkin spice
Tso, a gen’ral’s chicken dish
Law, the thing that Judge Dredd is
T, a man who pities fools
That will bring us back to
D’oh!

Anyway, just some ideas. If Hollywood wants to hire me, my standard fee is a million dollars.

Random Thoughts: Sound of Music and Lies Obama Told Us

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I’m losing faith in America that Obama is still able to give a speech in this country without someone shouting, “Shut up, loser!”

“Despite all my rage, I’m still just a rat in a cage!” Fox Butterfield, is that you?

Every argument over the rules of Russian roulette seem to end in violence.

How useful are plastic guns if we don’t have plastic bullets?

Funny. Until watching the Carrie Underwood Sound of Music tonight, I completely forgot that in 8th grade I played Max in a school production.

I don’t even know the plot. My character didn’t come in until the 2nd act, so the beginning was never very important to me.

I had a lot of lines, but pointing to an imaginary “dilapidated” castle is all I remember.

One of my two songs got cut because I wasn’t very good at singing 🙁

To update Sound of Music, they should have renamed it “Maria, Nazi Smasher” and changed the ending.

#LiesObamaToldUs “My friends call me ‘Dutch.'”

#LiesObamaToldUs “I once started a fight club.”

#LiesObamaToldUs “I can’t name all the Power Rangers.”

#LiesObamaToldUs “I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.”

#LiesObamaToldUs “I have a green belt in judo.”

#LiesObamaToldUs “That’s not my fedora.”

#LiesObamaToldUs “Charlie bit me!”

#LiesObamaToldUs “I am good at the sex.”

#LiesObamaToldUs “I once found the end of a rainbow.”

#LiesObamaToldUs “A bigger kid told me it was okay.”

#LiesObamaToldUs “If you don’t stop making fun of my ears, I will stab you.”

#LiesObamaToldUs “I have a super awesome tat of a dragon.”

#LiesObamaToldUs “That’s a football injury.”

Luckily Taco Bell axed its idea of a “Have a surprise attack on some Locos Tacos!” ad.

So before modern birth control and abortion procedures existed, were women technologically incapable of being equal to men?