[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]
Archive of entries posted on 2nd December 2013
Things White People Can’t Say
[High Praise! to iOwnTheWorld]
Flabbergasting starts at the 17 second mark – wait for it:
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #37,617)
Oh… I’ve Got Some Other Names for It…
Both President Obama and his fellow Democrats are now making a point of referring to Obamacare as “The Affordable Care Act”.
Well, as Shakespeare said, “a rose by any other name would still be expensive and full of thorns.”
Order Up!
Link of the Day: Satire – Obama Plan to Gamify HealthCare.gov “Catching Fire”
[High Praise! to ScrappleFace]
Obama Plan to Gamify HealthCare.gov “Catching Fire”
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Conspiracy Oswalt Anteater Fruit Sanctions Bells Elephants Parental Died Obamacare November
I'm no conspiracy theorist, but isn't a little TOO perfect that Oswald shot JFK from a window in a museum devoted to the assassination?
— Ruth Graham (@publicroad) November 22, 2013
"Oswalt acted alone" – my review of a @pattonoswalt one-man show
— Andy Levy (@andylevy) November 22, 2013
How busy was the dude who named the anteater
— Jeffrey Hadz (@Hadzilla) November 22, 2013
JFK was killed on the orders of United Fruit, simply because he said the price of grapefruit was too high. Now I'll probably be killed too.
— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) November 23, 2013
Liberals celebrate ending sanctions on a nation that lynches gays, stones women & wants to exterminate Jews, But they boycott Chick-fil-A.
— jon gabriel (@exjon) November 24, 2013
I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.
— Brandon Gutermuth (@UNTRESOR) November 26, 2013
There's no sadder sight than a room full of elephants ignoring each other.
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) November 27, 2013
Cracked the code on the parental controls, so I'm like 40% sure I could point out sex now if I saw it happening.
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) November 29, 2013
There are no false reports that people have died, only premature ones.
— James Taranto (@jamestaranto) December 1, 2013
Complaining about a broken Obamacare website is like complaining about a blown head gasket on a molester's van.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) December 1, 2013
We are pleased to announce that, by official White House executive order, the end of November has been delayed for one year.
— HealthCare.Gov (@HealthDotGov) December 2, 2013
I’d Agree If It Were the Latter
Jay Carney said the White House is “as sorry as we can be” that a Washington state woman held up as an Obamacare success story discovered she can’t afford her insurance.
So… was “sorry” supposed to be an apology or a description?
Obama Warned Us: Health Care
I don’t believe that government can or should run health care. But I also don’t think insurance companies should have free reign to do as they please.
BARACK OBAMA, weekly address, Jul. 18, 2009
“So, we’ll just compromise and have government run the insurance companies.”
Amazon Working on Drone Delivery, Apocalypse
So Amazon is working on delivery by drone. I guess the online store which revolutionized the retail industry has decided to go after the one low tech part left of them: Delivery of goods by truck. Isn’t it more efficient to have robots do that? And even if it isn’t more efficient, isn’t it much cooler?
Science fiction never get things right. I mean, I guess it was right about Skynet, but they assumed the military would develop it when instead it’s going to be made by an online retailer. And that’s much scarier, because now Skynet will know exactly where each of us live, and, by analyzing our purchasing habits, know all our individual weaknesses.
Then again, think of the convenience of getting anything you order from Amazon in only 30 minutes. That’s well worth the risk of the destruction of mankind.
Straight Line of the Day: NASA Plans to Grow Plants on the Moon in 2015. In 2016…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
NASA plans to grow plants on the Moon in 2015. In 2016…
Strike!
There’s a news report that some fast food workers in 100 cities are planning a strike.
Isn’t that just special?
They want to get paid $15/hour to flip burgers or ask if you want fries with that.
Now, don’t misunderstand me. There’s nothing wrong with flipping burgers or asking if you want fries with that. But if that’s your idea of a dream job, then you’re a slacker and a drain on society. Running a McDonald’s or a Wendy’s? That’s great. Owning one? Better. Flipping burgers? Not so much. That’s an entry-level job, not a $15/hour job. And, if you think it is, you’re part of the problem.
You know what, though? I think that a one-day strike won’t get the job done. You see, if you don’t show up for work without calling in sick, it’s perfectly fine for the company to fire you. Then, not only do you not have to go to work on Thursday, you don’t have to go in Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or any other day that ends in “y.”
And December is the perfect time to pull a stunt that’ll get you canned. Winter’s here, it’s cold. You got to heat the house. You might even want to get the kids a Christmas present.
But, tell you what. Why don’t you just not show up on Thursday and tell the kids that it’s all Bush’s fault or Wall Street’s fault. It’s not the fault of the Democrats that have extended what would have been a year, year-and-a-half slowdown into a five-year economic disaster with no end in sight.
Go ahead and strike. There’s plenty of unemployed that would love to take your job. Until they move up to a better job. Then, maybe you’ll get your old job back. But not at $15/hour.
Random Thoughts: JFK Assassination, Best Star Wars Quotes, and Amazon Drones
BREAKING: Joe Biden arrested for participating in the “knockout game.”
If only JFK had lived long enough to be remembered as a mediocre president.
Do feminists ever consider that they hold some activities in high importance simply because those activities are mainly associated with men?
And maybe they are dismissive of some activities – like homemaker – simply because it’s mainly associated with women?
Frankly, I think JFK committed suicide and the whole Oswald thing was to cover it up.
Or maybe JFK faked his death so he could get away with murdering his brother, Robert. The perfect crime.
Or maybe JFK faked his death, had surgery to change his appearance, and used Chappaquiddick to replace his brother Ted.
That would explain why Ted Kennedy seemed like a such a sociopath about that incident. It all makes sense.
Or maybe JFK didn’t get killed in Texas, but we all did. And now we’re haunting him. This theory may still need work.
“So is this government a metaphor for me or for the people I don’t like?” -Obama watching Hunger Games
My evidence for this is I don’t have any evidence, which points to how well they covered it up.
If JFK hadn’t been assassinated, would have led us to nuclear war. Remorseful future JFK makes time machine to assassinate self. #MakesSense
Does anyone have any actual proof Canada exists?
You could just put up a couple maple leaf flags anywhere in America and people would think it’s Canada. Easy to fake.
Whoever really killed JFK has probably fled to Mexico by now.
Did Microsoft purposely pick the 50th anniversary of the assassination of JFK to launch the XBox One?
Who is more responsible for the death of JFK? The Communist who actually shot him or the people on the right who don’t like taxes?
Are jokes about JFK’s assassination offensive? Is anyone still alive from back when it happened?
In a way, didn’t we all murder JFK? Well, not me; I have an alibi.
The media must have killed JFK; they had the most to gain from all the JFK assassination coverage.
“No one can be told what the Matrix is; you have to–”
“Shut up, Morpheus. You’re trapped inside a computer, kid.”
“Nuke it from orbit!” #beststarwarsquotes
“Ah! You stupid rebels! Stop blowing up my Death Stars, you guys!” #beststarwarsquotes
“He’s too old to begin his training as a jedi.”
“He’s not even born yet.”
“TOO OLD!” #beststarwarsquotes
“So, Darth Vader, do you expect me to turn to the dark side?”
“No, Mr. Skywalker, I expect you to DIE!” #beststarwarsquotes
“Play it again, weird blue elephant guy.” #beststarwarsquotes
“You want war? I’ll give you war… a star war!” #beststarwarsquotes
“These are not the droids you’re looking for… They’re brand new ones I just bought. Yeah, that’s the ticket!” #beststarwarsquotes
“I’m going to use the force to give you cancer… HEAD cancer!” #beststarwarsquotes
“I’m pivoting to jobs.” #beststarwarsquotes
“Look into my eyes. You are getting very sleepy. You will now obey the force.” #beststarwarsquotes
“Are you a cop? Blast him! He’s a cop!” #beststarwarsquotes
“And I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling rebels!” #beststarwarsquotes
“Did you say Moff Tarkin is here? What the hell is a moff?” #beststarwarsquotes
“Luke! Use the force! It’s the only way to save Christmas!” #beststarwarsquotes
“I’m Luke Skywalker and I want to be a pirate.” #beststarwarsquotes
“Sweep the leg, Luke!” #beststarwarsquotes
“No one can be told what the Matrix is, but it can be expressed in song.” -The Matrix: The Musical
The only thing that makes me sad about the death of Brian on Family Guy was that I didn’t get to kill him myself.
Actually, I’ve never watched that show since it was canceled.
Obamacare’s new slogan, “No matter what, you’ll eventually die anyway,” is an interesting gambit.
I have an idea to fix Obamacare. First, I’ll need a million dollars. Second, I’ll need a flux capacitor.
Oh and I’ll need plutonium. And don’t act like you suddenly have a problem with shady characters getting their hands on radioactive material.
Maybe we should lose the labels socialism and capitalism; you have freedom and government coercion — those are your two choices.
We’re coming to the point where big public hate hoaxes are more common than actual big public hate incidents.
Like most young conservatives, my earliest political influences were Eeyore, Raphael the ninja turtle, and Skeletor.
Obama: “Remember to talk up Obamacare to your family at Thanksgiving. Don’t worry; Obamacare covers getting repeatedly punched in the face.”
Halfway through second season of Breaking Bad. That is a good show.
Pretty amazing NCIS has gained in audience steady for 10 years. Even die hards usually get tired after that long. Never seen it, myself.
Thought Catching Fire was better than the first Hunger Games movie — and I liked the first Hunger Games movie.
One criticism of Breaking Bad so far is that season one ended an episode early. The season 2 premiere would have been good finale and 2nd episode good premiere.
Amazon has unveiled a new drone program to attack brick and mortar stores with hellfire missiles.
“Please leave packaging feedback; you have 20 seconds to comply.” -Amazon’s new ED-209 delivery drone
Every day hold up a mirror in front of your robot and ask, “Who is that?” If it says, “That’s me!” it’s self-aware and must be destroyed.
Hip and Trendy!
The latest fashion trend – having tiny pieces of platinum jewelry implanted into your eyeball.
Also trending – setting off the airport metal detectors and getting a thorough TSAing.