Archive of entries posted on 23rd December 2013

Obama Warned Us – Together

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Although we may come from vastly different stories and very different walks of life, we are one people who possess common values and common ideals; who celebrate individual excellence but also share a recognition that together, we can accomplish great and wonderful things we can’t accomplish alone.

BARACK OBAMA, remarks on the South Lawn, Sep. 16, 2009

“And what he have in common is that we both want your money – Yay! Togetherness!”

Straight Line of the Day: A New Poll Shows Most Americans Don’t Care About Santa’s Race, But How Would Christmas Be Different if Santa Were Non-White?

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[High Praise! to rodney dill for today’s line]

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new poll shows most Americans don’t care about Santa’s race, but how would Christmas be different if Santa were non-white?

Right to Work Laws Threaten Christmas

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AP – North Pole: In a show of solidarity with labor unions upset with the recent passage of Right to Work laws, Santa’s elves have gone on strike and have begun talks with SIEU officials to organize themselves, leaving the world wondering if Christmas will come this year. The situation became violent when scab shoemaker elves, gnomes and goblins, all unemployed during the recent recession, tried to cross the picket line so toy production could resume in time for Christmas.  Reports indicate that, using illicit supplies of pixie dust, scabs were transformed into gingerbread men and maliciously eaten as a warning.

Santa was unavailable for comment, but Mrs. Claus said that “they were particularly delicious dipped in reindeer cream.”  Before refusing to field further questions, she assured that enough scabs made it safely into the factory to resume production. Though she did caution that children should expect an inordinate amount of footwear and underpants this year, and they should be cautious of eating anything that may be in their stockings, since the goblins may have tainted it.  She added the final disclaimer that neither she nor Mr. Claus could be held responsible for any missing or poisoned children Christmas morning.

Rudolph, the Abominable Snowmonster and Yukon Cornelius have sided with the elves.  Speaking for the group, Yukon had this to say, “These elves have been slaves to that fat man long enough.  I mean just look at that wussy Hermey over there.  He finally gets his dental degree and promptly goes out of business because no one has dental coverage.  Now he just sits on the side of the road with his “Will Floss for Food” sign.  Silver and gold, I say.  The only silver and gold around here is up there in that greedy fat cat’s castle.  And what do these downtrodden elves get?  (Licks his pick axe) Nothin’.”

Asked to comment on the holiday crisis, President Obama responded simply, “I’d suggest that the problem can be solved by raising taxes on the rich and Obamacare, but, really, what do I care?  Like all my African forefathers before me, I celebrate Quanza, but I wouldn’t turn down some more of those scab-cookies. They were delicious.”

It’s only Rock N Roll…

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20131223-080358.jpgWhile traveling this weekend, I was flipping around the radio, and ran across SiriusXM 26, which is normally classic rock from the ’60s and ’70s, but was dedicated to the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame this weekend.

I had heard there was question in some minds about a few of this year’s inductees, but I didn’t bother with it. Seriously, what does it matter?

Until I was alone in a car for over five hours listening to some radio station telling me why these people deserved to be in the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. Now, it is my mission in life to see that place razed, paved over, and an Indian casino put up in its place.

I do not claim to be an expert in rock music. Yes, I was a radio DJ in the 1970s, but that speaks more about my age than anything else. And it’s that age thing that sorta matters. I was around then. I’m not being told what music was like and what the world was like. I was there.

When you look at the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame bio of Cat Stevens, it speaks of his bravery in converting to Islam. So, I guess they’ll be inducting Muhammed Ali soon? Born as Steven Demetre Georgiou, Cat Stevens did have some hits in the ’70s, but I wouldn’t call “Oh, Very Young,” “Morning Has Broken,” or “Peace Train” rock anthems. Hippie music, sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s rock n roll.

And, sure, it wasn’t a popular thing for a Roman Catholic-raised child of a Greek Orthodox and a Baptist (or anyone, for that matter) to convert to Islam around the time the Ayatollah Khomeini was putting together his return to Iran, Cat Stevens did that, taking the name Yusef Islam (which translates to Joe Moslem). But what’s that got to do with the music? It didn’t suddenly make “Moon Shadow” a rock song.

And Peter Gabriel? Seriously? Even the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame had a harder time coming up with a bio for him. So, they talked about other stuff:

The epic song “Biko” directly inspired the Artists Against Apartheid movement as he spearheaded the Amnesty International A Conspiracy Of Hope and Human Rights Now tours.

See. They shoulda just chucked Nelson Mandela in a hole in the ground and spent the entire ceremony playing Peter Gabriel songs.

Now, I will grant that his music is more rock that Joe Moslem’s, but putting him in the Hall of Fame? That’s like putting Mario Mendoza in baseball’s Hall of Fame. The real one, not the one in Mexico.

And, speaking of Mexico, it seems that her album of Mexican music was enough to grant Linda Ronstadt admission to the Hall of Fame.

I remember playing a lot of her hit singles in the 1970s. That list includes…
“You’re No Good”
“When Will I Be Loved”
“Heat Wave”
“The Tracks of My Tears”
“That’ll Be the Day”
“It’s So Easy”
“Poor Poor Pitiful Me”
“Tumblin’ Dice”
“Back in the U.S.A.”
“Ooh Baby Baby”
“Just One Look”

All cover versions of songs made famous by others. Which means that the band playing down at the Holiday Inn has a chance for induction next year.

I think I’ve calmed down now. I’ll worry about more important things now.

Until I get back in the car to head home, and turn on the radio. Then I’ll be ticked off again.