A Typical Obama Tribute

[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]

Narcissist-in-Chief wins again, and remains undefeated in the HumbleBrag event.

I Couldn’t Find a Good Video, and Nobody Sent Me Any Links to One, So This Is Your Punishment


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,620,179)

Yeah, this’ll be stuck in your head for a while.

Meanwhile, jw [High Praise!] updates us on that push to get Robert Heinlein into the Hall of Famous Missourians:

We win. Bobby’s in.

Don’t Worry, This Can Never Happen to You

In a case of mistaken identity, a West Virginia State University student was jailed for 4 days before US Marshals realized their error.

So… who’s serving warrants on people who don’t pay their Obamacare fines?

A Little Obama Christmas Music

[High Praise! to Irritable Pundit]

Link of the Day: Satire – New Evidence Sheds Light on Real JFK Assassin

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

New Evidence Sheds Light on Real JFK Assassin

BONUS LINK: More mind-boggling artwork from 4of7 at Little Worlds.

I wish I could write like he draws.

Also, encourage him on this webcomic thing. I want to find out what happens to the penguin.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Jared Education Starve Lying

This Is New

After being acquired by Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, the Washington Post is now selling its flagship headquarters building.

Marking, perhaps, the first time the Post isn’t selling a liberal agenda.

Obama Warned Us – Insurance Companies

I have no interest in putting insurance companies out of business. They provide a legitimate service, and employ a lot of our friends and neighbors. I just want to hold them accountable.

BARACK OBAMA, speech to joint session of Congress, Sep. 9, 2009

“… by making sure they don’t operate at a profit if they DO stay in business.”

You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “San Francisco Wants to Ban Releasing Butterflies at Weddings. Instead…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Straight Line of the Day: A New Study Shows That People Who Ignore Texts Are Happier. Other Keys to Happiness…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new study shows that people who ignore texts are happier. Other keys to happiness…

When Will Obama Voters Answer for Their Racism?

So in the latest episode of MSNBC’s show “That’s Raaaacist!”, the term “Obamacare” is racist. I hope you all feel enlightened by that.

Of course, if Obamacare is a slur, doesn’t a lot of that fall on Obama for making Obamacare suck so badly? A joke Reagan told was that he knew his economic plans were working because people stopped calling it “Reganomics,” but the opposition is still calling the ACA Obamacare and will do so for years to come.

But why is the racism always focused on those opposed to Obama? When will those who elected him answer for their racism? Years from now, people will look back at this obvious useless idiot Obama and be really confused how he was elected and reelected. And a lot of that is because so many people saw Obama and thought “black man” would they should have instead thought “incompetent, arrogant, unaccomplished dimwit.” Obama was never a triumph over racism so much as a symptom of it.

A job for Obama

bush-vs-obama-pitching-baseball-funnyAfter January 20, 2017 — a date which can’t come soon enough — Barack Obama will be in a position he’s placed millions of Americans in: he’ll be out of a job.

But, he has his eyes set on a new job already: he wants to host SportsCenter.

Now, some people laughed when they heard that. But consider: he has the qualifications.

For instance, I bet you thought the NBA team in Miami was the Miami Heat. Not so. Obama knows what no other person on this planet knows: it’s the Miami Heats.

His bowling prowess is legendary. Not only did he bowl a 37 when he was running for president, after he took office, he compared his bowling skills to Special Olympics. That’s the kind of skill and commentary that’s missing from sports today.

Of course, he would bring a unique perspective to our nation’s pastime. Not just the mom jeans, or his little sister pitching style, but his unique knowledge of Chicago’s Kaminsky Field, which most residents of the Windy City don’t even know exists.

Some of you say he has no qualifications to host SportsCenter. But, lack of qualifications didn’t keep him out of the White House, did it?

What do you think? Is SportsCenter host a good fit for Obama? Or is there a better job out there for him?

Random Thoughts: Finished Book, MSNBC, and Knockout Game

Turned in the manuscript for my next book today. It’s a good feeling.

This will be another humor book. Still working on getting my fiction published, but making progress there — albeit slowly.

Anyway, this next humor book will be out in print and not just ebook — like I’m a real author — though no idea when that will be.

Every day I hope to find in the mail the DNA test that’s the first part of getting your Twitter account verified.

Why doesn’t MSNBC have a nightly show titled “That’s raaaaacist!”?

When you have two knockout game players try to knock each other out, that’s just called “boxing.”

Economics: It Has Laws

Organizers of a movement demanding a $15-an-hour wage for fast-food workers sponsored a one-day strike in 100 cities last week.

If successful, expect the Dollar Menu to be replaced by the Hour Menu.

College Football Playoffs 2013

ThreeStoogesFootball2Next year, the NCAA begins a 4-team playoff for the college football national championship.

This is in addition to the three other college football national championships the NCAA already has: Division 1 FCS (1-AA) on January 4, 2014 in Frisco, Texas; Division II on December 21, 2013, in Florence, Alabama; and Division III (the Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl) on December 20, 2013, in Salem, Virginia.

Division 1 FBS (Division 1-A), finally gets a playoff of sorts next year. This year, it’s still the BCS. And, as always, it’s true that you can’t spell BCS without BS. I don’t know what to say about next year’s “playoff” other than it’s a half-ass attempt to get it right.

Here’s what’s right, and what I’ve been proposing for years: A 16-team playoff, consisting of a field of the 10 conference champions, plus the five highest-ranked non-conference champions.

The questions are how to pick the five “wild card” teams, and how to seed the teams. Minor details. But, the major details are the 16-team field with the conference champs.

Now, how to pick the “wild card” teams? I’m gonna use the Coaches Poll. Or the BCS standings. They are close, but not quite the same, both in teams and in ranking.

First, the easy part: Here are the conference champs, who get an automatic bid:

Conference Champion Record Coaches Poll
Atlantic Coast Conference Florida State 13-0 1
Southeastern Conference Auburn 12-1 2
Big Ten Conference Michigan State 12-1 4
Big 12 Conference Baylor 11-1 5
Pacific-12 Conference Stanford 11-2 7
American Athletic Conference Central Florida 11-1 15
Mountain West Conference Fresno State 11-1 20
Conference USA Rice 10-3 31
Mid-American Conference Bowling Green 10-3 32
Sun Belt Conference Louisiana-Lafayette 8-4 NR

Now, we add the “wild card” teams.

Conference Team Record Coaches Poll
Southeastern Conference Alabama 11-1 3
Big Ten Conference Ohio State 12-1 6
Southeastern Conference South Carolina 10-2 8
Southeastern Conference Missouri 11-2 9
Big 12 Conference Oklahoma 10-2 10
Atlantic Coast Conference Clemson 10-2 11

I’d seed them by Coaches Poll, champions first — kinda like the NFL does — and match the teams up with Number 1 hosting Number 16, Number 2 hosting Number 15, and so on. And, I’d left the teams that lost in the first round still go to a bowl. The first-round losers will either be a conference champion, or a top 15 team. Most bowls would jump at either.

Here’s the seeding:

Team Qualification Record Coaches Poll
Florida State Atlantic Coast Conference (Champion) 13-0 1
Auburn Southeastern Conference (Champion) 12-1 2
Michigan State Big Ten Conference (Champion) 12-1 4
Baylor Big 12 Conference (Champion) 11-1 5
Stanford Pacific-12 Conference (Champion) 11-2 7
Central Florida American Athletic Conference (Champion) 11-1 15
Fresno State Mountain West Conference (Champion) 11-1 20
Rice Conference USA (Champion) 10-3 31
Bowling Green Mid-American Conference (Champion) 10-3 32
Louisiana-Lafayette Sun Belt Conference (Champion) 8-4 NR
Alabama Southeastern Conference (Wild Card) 11-1 3
Ohio State Big Ten Conference (Wild Card) 12-1 6
South Carolina Southeastern Conference (Wild Card) 10-2 8
Missouri Southeastern Conference (Wild Card) 11-2 9
Oklahoma Big 12 Conference (Wild Card) 10-2 10
Clemson Atlantic Coast Conference (Wild Card) 10-2 11

And, here are the first round games:

  • Clemson at Florida State
  • Oklahoma at Auburn
  • Missouri at Michigan State
  • South Carolina at Baylor
  • Ohio State at Stanford
  • Alabama at Central Florida
  • Louisiana-Lafayette at Fresno State
  • Bowling Green at Rice

Some really good match ups in the first round, and some really lame ones, under my seeding. But, seeding is a minor detail.

Put a 16-team playoff like this in place, and, whoever is left standing at the end, whether it’s an eighth-straight SEC team, a team from the Sun Belt, or one of the other quality teams on this list, and you’ll have a true national champion.