Shout out to Santa for being old and fat, only working one day a year, and still having a wife

— William Wanton (@williamwanton) December 10, 2013

mall Santas are just the body doubles he uses to thwart assassination

— chuuch (@ch000ch) December 10, 2013

Comic Sans walks into a bar. Barman says "sorry we don't serve your type in here"

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) December 10, 2013

President Selfie. That about sums up the past 5 years. Thanks, chief.

— Cuffé (@CuffyMeh) December 10, 2013

Getting angry at Twitter because people are focusing on something dumb is like getting angry at a dog for barking. #handshakegate

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) December 10, 2013

an oil painting of Obama shaking hands with great villains throughout history, and also some video game bosses mixed in there

— lawblob (@lawblob) December 10, 2013

Meticulous research I've done on @hallmarkchannel shows 78% of successful marriages begin w 2 strangers pretending to date over Christmas.

— Mary Katharine Ham (@mkhammer) December 11, 2013