Out of curiosity, what animals do you hate? And let’s not talk about insects or common pests like mice. For instance, I hate Canada geese. Giant, stupid pooping birds that walk around like they own the place. Not sure if we call them Canada geese because they are from Canada or because we despise them as much as we do Canada. Also, I don’t like bears. Don’t know why something that eats berries and fish has to be a giant killing machine. It’s weird.
And don’t even get me started on monkeys.
So what animal do you hate?
Spiders. I mean come on…. are eight eyes really necessary?
Oh, you said animals.
Aardvarks.
They are like the plumbers of the animal world because they have to use TWO A’s in their name to try and get to the top of the listing in the phone book.
Oh, don’t get me started about Canada geese! They all need to fly back to Canada and stay there.
Raccoons: thieves, shysters, con artists. Dirty, flea-bitten, rabies-carrying excuses for a life form. I don’t understand what “niche” they fill in our ecosystem and would like to see them gone off the planet. They also remind me of Democrats.
Not a fan of tapirs. That “half a prehensile snout” thing is just creepy.
Belgians
Warthogs. Got a problem with everybody because they’re so ugly. They’re the quiet creep in the office who suddenly comes to work with a media-identified assault rifle. Watch out for warthogs.
Not fond of any primates aside from us, or most of us, anyway. Most of us don’t throw poop when we’re angry. Only liberals.
Donkeys.
Oh, and Koalas. Koalas are awful. Their only sense in the world when anything around them happens is to hold on tight and evacuate their bowels.
And only hippies eat that much eucalyptus.
Moon bats
RINOs and lying weasels
Loons. Huge angry birds that make too many different, often terrifying, noises at a high volume at all hours of the night.
Platypuses (Platypi?), but I’m not fully convinced that they’re real animals. I mean, come on, egg-laying mammals with an electricity-sensing bill and poison spurs. Add to that the fact that they have something silly like 10 sex chromosomes, and I think someone’s playing a joke on us and seeing how far they can take it. They say they’re from Australia, but I don’t have the evidence to convince me that that’s not a make-believe place, either
Octopus. Eight rubbery tentacles and a bulbous head that flips and flops. CREEPY
obamas, clintons, pelosi* and reids
*plural of peloso. italian for “hairy”. which explains the evil pelosi reid alliance, i guess.
Squirrels. Yeah, they look cute, but they’re really just bushy tailed rats.
On the other hand, they taste like chicken.
Seagulls. Noisy poop machines that take great delight in targeting my car after a fresh wash. The movie “Finding Nemo” was FAR too kind to those flying menaces-they should have crashed them into a jet engine intake rather than a sailboat.
Mosquitoes — deadliest animal on the planet. They should all be destroyed.
Cats.
I’m very allergic to cats.
Being in close proximity to cats could potentially kill me.
Cats LOVE me.
Therefore, Cats are evil.
Dogs. They’re loud and extroverted. They shove their snouts into my genitals. They shed hair. They poop and piss on everything. And they’re something that obama eats.
Hawks, owls, coyotes, and wolves. (Things that compete with me for the critters I like to kill and eat.)
Hey! Let’s get Frank started on monkeys!
I want Scary Evil Monkey!
I ♥ JN
Lions. Who died and made them king?
For me it is a toss up between the Narwhal and the Panda. I mean you look at the narwhal and think “Whale with a horn. Cool” Then you realize it is not a horn but just one of its teeth that grew like that. Then you have the panda bear. Science! still cant figure out if it is a bear or a very large racoon. Creepy either way.
I, like like our brethren to the north, hate Harp seal pups. They should all be clubbed out of existence.
Goats. Those creepy hourglass pupils freak me out. They are our pure evil.
Whichever animal is awake and moving outside a tent at 2 a.m. Small, large, doesn’t matter.
And outside the furry animal category, it’s tapeworms for the win.
Deer. I say, in day 2 of my 14-to-24 day round of antibiotics for Lyme Disease. I mean, everyone hates ticks. But I’m for wiping out the deer that the deer ticks eat. Right before they eat us, that is. Next time you see a deer in the headlights, speed up.
Welfare Rats
Frank really hates lemmings, what with their two M’s and their pipers all pied. And Canadians aren’t all bad considering what lies between them and us here in the South, besides the Appalachian Goose Poop Mountains.
Mockingbirds.
Pandas. Can’t even procreate without our help, apparently. Yeah, they’re cute and all, but if you can’t survive on your own as a species, then get out of the way. Goddamn charity cases.
Tiny shivering dogs, and the old women who put barrettes in their hair and carry them around in purses.
Snakes. Just… ugh, snakes.
Possums, oe opossums if you’re gonna nitpick. They are hideous with their pointy heads and razor-sharp teeth, darned hard to kill, and won’t stay out of my house.
I agree with Vaktatunnen, deer are evil – unless they are part of a sandwich. Then they are tasty.
Armadillos. Why does anything need all that armor? We should ban all this assault-armor, for The Children.
Frank to say you have issues is an understatement.