*walks up to newsstand*
"I'd like one paper Internet please."
— Brian Doyle (@WritePlay) February 23, 2015
Every time I hear "extremist Christians", I think "Amish." And then I laugh at liberal stupidity.
— Melissa Clouthier (@MelissaTweets) February 23, 2015
When you think about a real "carrot top," his hair should have been green. Pretty much the only flaw though.
— Justin Shanes (@justinshanes) February 23, 2015
[how to be a man]
1 grow a beard
2 raise a family
3 get a starter
4 be the very best
5 gotta catch them all
6 I'm talking about Pokemon now
— NoahJerry (@NoahJWatkins) February 23, 2015
ME: Let's go get a sandwich
FRANK UNDERWOOD: [addressing camera] And thus begins the give and take. Welcome to Washington.
ME: what
— Ristolable (@Ristolable) February 24, 2015