President Obama has a sketchy record on war. The lowest point was when he beat a civilian family to death with his Nobel Peace Prize.

So are we on to the general election version of “Sure, Donald Trump is ahead in the polls, but here is why that means nothing…”?

“So, Goldfinger, do you expect me to talk?”
“No, you’re always talking. I want you to shut up.”
“Too bad! We’re talking!”
-Girl James Bond

Do movie funerals ever get rescheduled on account of no rain?

Each day we come closer to the realization that the Democrats are nominating the one candidate who could lose to Trump.

Genders were invented by religious extremists in the 1950s.

Don’t elect the brand new horrible screw up. Elect the usual horrible screw ups.

I like libertarianism, but a Libertarian Party is almost oxymoronic.

A libertarian party just won’t work. We need a Libertarianish Party if the point is to actually elect anyone.

Been programming C for decades, but for the life of me, I can never remember how to do a switch statement without googling an example.

Does the “R” next to Trump’s name mean he’s a Republican or that he shouldn’t be viewed by children?

Why in the world should we apologize for Truman’s decision to awaken Godzilla?

Can’t believe Captain America said “Hail Hydra.” That’s more the sort of thing I’d expect Trump and Hillary to whisper to each other.

Hillary is the only candidate with a solid plan to solve the problem of Hillary Clinton not having enough power.

Hey, Republicans, if we all work together, we have a longshot chance of stopping Hillary and instead electing someone else really horrible.

“Do you want to get shot in the right leg, idiot? Then vote for getting shot in the left leg!” -people trying to motivate me on this election

It’s sexist to distinguish the new Ghostbusters by using the gendered term “girl Ghostbusters.” Instead, call it “Lesser Ghostbusters.”

Trump would demand Japan apologize for hitting our atomic bombs with their country.

I’m sure glad the progressives got the presidency, House, and Senate in 2008 and then fixed everything.

In Return of the Jedi, what would things have looked like if Luke’s rescue of Han went exactly as planned? Or did it go exactly as planned?

I think the single worse thing about the Star Wars special editions is the removal of the Yub Nub song. Had to show daughter correct ending.

We can make more gorillas.

We have sympathy for gorillas now, but through much of history gorillas did nothing but kill humans until we invented the katana.

What if gorillas locked us in cages and shot us? Oh wait; they did a movie of that plus reboot.

Talking to my 5yo, I realized how weird it was to say out loud that we went to the moon before I was born and haven’t been back since.

TRUMP: “When I was a kid, my dad took me to the zoo and I shot three gorillas. No one cared. A few people screamed.”

Unless there’s some rash of kids breaking into zoo exhibits, I don’t get why you wouldn’t treat this as a freak occurrence and move on.

Great piece of advice: Never worry about things that make the news. By definition, they’re rare.

The mother already watched her kid get dragged around by a gorilla. You can’t come up with a greater punishment than that.

One Moment: “Prisons are over-crowded!”
Next Moment: “We need to punish that mother before she lets her kid in a gorilla enclosure again!”

What’s more likely to keep someone from letting kid in a cage?
Possibility of fine.
Possibility of kid getting killed by gorilla.

Why’d they have to shoot the gorilla? Couldn’t they have instead sent in a grizzly bear to fight it?

Being up to date on the happenings of politics now seems as low class as being up to date on the happenings of the Kardashians.

With the right policies, we could stop that gorilla tragedy from happening again. Also, if we do nothing it most likely won’t happen again.

Seeing the flash media reaction to David French, it’s really no wonder we ended up with Trump.

BREAKING: Police have determined that Harambe the gorilla did not die of natural causes.

Again, I’m old enough to be president now. If elected, I promise to just cash my paycheck and play video games all day.

My one goal as president would be to have the lowest number of Americans ever be able to name the current president.

If you want to write effective gun policy, first step is abandoning the idiotic notion you can keep bad people from getting guns.

Great. Someone dropped a Bag O’ Guns on a kid’s foot and now Walmart won’t sell Bag O’ Guns anymore because they’re “too dangerous.”

Let’s put a wall around Hawaii. It’s just sitting out there all alone and exposed. Does this worry no one?

My company, Emergent Order, is about to release it’s first feature film, At the Fork. With the terrible election ahead of us, it’s good to remember that our choices as consumers have a lot more impact.

If you have any positive expectations of a politician whatsoever, you will one day be gravely disappointed.

The left has long had a hear-no-evil, see-no-evil approach to violence on their side, and that’s yet another thing coming home to roost.

This election is becoming a fascist slap fight.

Debate rules this year says Trump and Hillary have to take a photo standing next to each other for Face Swap app purposes.

If we’re so curious about what was on Hillary’s email server, can’t we just ask the Chinese?

So who do I vote for in a choice between racists and violent fascists?

Journalism is so horrible these days. Anyone trying to inform you of things is probably in league with Satan.

How I wish the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was an option in this “Choose the form of your Destructor!” election.

I hope the Cincinnati Zoo is going to finally add a “WARNING: Gorillas” sign to the gorilla enclosure.

The only things Hillary and Trump say the truth about are the horrible things they say about each other.

What’s your favorite Beatles song about murdering people with a hammer? Mine is “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.”

Trump doesn’t trust Mexico or any country next to Mexico.

So I guess the answer is general election Trump is the same as primary Trump.

The general election choice will be between Hillary Clinton and a garbage fire, and Hillary is polling slightly ahead.

But Trump promised the RNC if they rallied behind him he’d stop being dumb and horrible!

Roger Clinton in the news? The 90s have become an undead zombie trying to kill us.