Narrator: Special Operations veteran Joe Teti and primitive hunter-gatherer Matt Graham , two guys with two opposing survival strategies, are wading through one of the nation’s sleaziest places to show us how to make it out alive.

(Snap cut to Joe)

Joe: Once you get sucked down into it, it’s almost impossible to get out.  This place is very aggressive.  The minute you get here, you are fighting for your soul.

Narrator: HRC Campaign Headquarters, dominated by rubes, radicals and corrupt, foreign donors, this place has over 65,000 square feet of cubicles and conference rooms manned with hostile social justice warriors who would like nothing better than to turn you into one of their dead voters.

(Snap cut to Matt)

Matt: This is one of those wild frontiers left where a person can wander in and disappear for years, only to resurface to take up permanent residence in a sanctuary city, a faculty lounge or the lobby of the unemployment office.

Narrator: These offices are home to a number of venomous creatures like leftists, race-baiters, and cop-killers.

(Snap cut to Joe)

Joe: This is a very hostile environment.  Everything here is trying to take you out from the beginning.

Narrator: It all provides cover for the most deadly apex corruptor of them all, Hillary Rodham.

(Snap cut to Matt)

Matt: It can get up to five and a half feet tall, pushing almost 250 pounds, and it can lash out with a vicious and unreasoning vitriol.  When you hear that grating fake laughter, your heart just stops and tries to flee through any sphincter it can find.

Narrator: In this scenario, Joe and Matt take on the role of Bernie supporting millennials who mistakenly wander into the HRC Campaign Headquarters.

(Snap cut to Matt and Joe)

Matt: Reality is so fluid and twisted in here, you’ll find yourself lost with no clear direction how to get out.

Joe: You’re in a white water swamp, surrounded by progressives, with no way to navigate out.  You make a small mistake here, you’re gonna pay for it.  This is where your story ends.

Narrator: This is Dual Survival.

Joe (approaching two backpacks on the floor): These guys got themselves in a bad spot, and that’s putting it mildly.  I can imagine they had the munchies and probably had some money left on their food stamp card.

Matt: And those are use it or lose it, you know, bro.

Joe: Exactly.  So they had their free Obama phone out using the GPS to locate the nearest Whole Foods or Organic Market so they can get their organic wheat grass.

Matt: Or their Chilean sea bass flavored tofu snacks.

Joe: Or whatever.  But what they don’t realize is that the people who programmed the Obama GPS were the same folks who programmed the Obamacare website.

Matt: It was a packaged deal, really, bro.

Joe: Totally. It was in all the papers.  So anyway, they’re following the crap GPS, and before they know it, they’re right in the middle of hostile territory, surrounded by dangerous natives with no idea how to get out.

(To be continued, maybe, if I feel like it…..)