Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The Carolina Panthers are for sale. To make them more attractive in this difficult year for the NFL, they’re throwing in…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The Carolina Panthers are for sale. To make them more attractive in this difficult year for the NFL, they’re throwing in…
Roger Goodell and Colin Kaepernick . . . oh, wait, that would make them less attractive.
…WW2 era Pin Up Girl posters.
… the towel
… a complete set of The Facts of Life DVDs
… pet rocks
… cases of New Coke and Billy Beer
I like “the towel.”
The Carolina Panthers Are for Sale. To Make Them More Attractive in This Difficult Year for the NFL, They’re Throwing in…
…the towels.
…coupons for a free hot dog when you buy a large beer at home games.
…beer goggles.
…a sorting hat.
A large fries.
A SECOND TEAM! YOU ONLY NEED TO PAY SHIPPING AND HANDLING! BUT! YOU MUST ORDER IN THE NEXT 20 MINUTES! CALL NOW!!!! OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY!!!!
(Restrictions apply. Not all markets guarantee second team will be NFL. Buyer must accept WLAF, USFL, or XFL team as supplies are limited.)
A subscription to Rush 24/7.
Other than lambasting the NFL in general, I have not heard Rush talk about football all season. Nice.
A case of those big foam fingers.
…and a gold-plated vuvuzela.
Was Dustin Hoffman looking for that, or am I thinking of the Golden Globes?
I miss Jimmy’s “rimshot”s about now.
A free month of HBO and Cinemax.
…and the ‘Heidi’ boxed set.
The Carolina Panthers are for sale. To make them more attractive in this difficult year for the NFL, they’re throwing in…
A full set of Democrat Perv Trading cards, and they will update your set with each new revelation.
…hookers & blow.
(confiscated from the players).
Seat covers in our new diverse people pattern
to make your stadium look professionally full at all times
Breadsticks and a salad
A clown costume for Newton. Cause, ya know…
…designer knee pads…
The Bears
Da
National Anthem themed knee pads
A set of Ginsu steak knives.
a chair. Bobby Knight will do the throwing, demonstrating that he’s a multi-sport coach.
… an actual panther.
Black?
Ding ding ding ding. . .
…a $3,000,000.000 promissory note from a Nigerian Prince.
… An American Flag shirt. Imagine how majestic you’ll feel when you step in and a whole team of burly men kneel at you feet.
8 track tapes of KC & the Sunshine Band
D.B. Cooper treasure maps
Obamas’ thong underwear.
Yeeech!!
The Popeil Pocket fisherman
…whole ownership of the Where’s Rosie O’Donnell In The After Game Shower Game.
…Richard Simmons, the new fitness trainer.
…James Taylor promising to buy a season ticket in his mind.
…a case of Billy Beer.
Was Billy Beer any good, or was it strictly a novelty item?
Depends. It WAS beer so better than nothing. Good in the sense of a delicious concoction that made you want more? Probably not.
Your choice of a lifetime supply of Low Country slow boil shrimp and grits, Lexington style barbecue, or eastern North Carolina Barbecue. High blood pressure pills not included.
A lifetime supply of Cheerwine.
Season passes to Carowinds.
Someone to hold your place in line to see the Christmas lights in McAdenville.
A ski chalet in Boone and a house at Carolina Beach.
A free ride on the USS North Carolina (the one that moves, the submarine, not BB-55).