WASHINGTON (AP) – Democrat leaders crafting the 2020 Democratic Party platform often find themselves struggling with finding just the right words to communicate to their voter base. However, the struggle became all too real recently, when a meeting at the Democratic National Committee headquarters building involving several high-profile elected Democrats ran late, forcing members of the meeting to fake respectful dialogue with the custodial staff, who were tidying up the offices for the night.

“That was rough,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “I mean it’s hard to go from talking to your peers to talking to the little people, you know, I mean, those hard working Americans of working families that make working, um, work. It’s not that they’re dumb or worthless… I mean every vote counts – sometimes two or three times – but… I don’t know…. it’s like being at a Hollywood fundraiser, enjoying chit-chat with a celebrity, then switching to making small-talk with their purse-chihuahua. It’s just uncomfortable.”

“She made me really uncomfortable,” said DNC HQ night watchman Larry Daley. “Going on about how she was sorry to be in my way, but that she and her fellow Democrats had to fight for the rights of hard working Americans like me. Yeah… I was unemployed until Trump got elected, so, gee, thanks, lady. Also, what’s up with that creepy stare? Does botox make your eyelids fall off? I need to Google that. Creepy!”

“So creepy,” shuddered 2020 hopeful Elizabeth Warren (D-MA). “I hate dealing with hourly workers. They’re just so… different… from the people who actually make the important decisions in this country. Though, yes, of course, working Americans are the backbone of our nation, but it’s the head that makes the decisions, not the back. And would it hurt them to feed the head a little? These campaigns don’t fund themselves, you know. They want us to care about them? Well, here’s the contribution bucket. Drop in a little ka-ching! and I’ll show you a little caring. There’s a reason those words sound alike.”

“All those Democrats sound alike,” said Carl Reed, the building’s head custodian. “I’ve been keeping this building spotless and shipshape for 20 years. I’ve seen a lot of politicians come and go – often in handcuffs, since this is DNC HQ – so I know hogwash when I hear it. Not that I’d wash a hog with the slop the snooty crew was passing off. I respect hogs too much for that. They taste like bacon. Democrats taste like chicanery. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.”

“Bad taste is the hallmark of the working class,” said Bernie Sanders. “But when you’ve been in politics as long as I have, you learn to put up with it. It’s the price you pay for power. And chatting with the rabble after closing time is just part of that. I talked about hard work and family and American values. I can do that in my sleep. Sure, the words felt like a slurry of camouflage and skunk juice in my mouth, but I know how bright the average American isn’t. I think they bought it.”

“I wasn’t buying it,” said Daley “and I’m voting Republican next year so these clowns don’t force me to pay for it.”

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