Friday Night Open Thread

I love Weird Al.

[The YouTube]

Do you have something you’d like to share? A link? A joke? Some words of wisdom? A topic to discuss? It’s Friday Night Open Thread.

What’s on your mind?

Maybe She Should Change the Subject

Asked if President Trump had obstructed justice, Hillary Clinton said “any other person who had engaged in those acts would certainly have been indicted.”

Oh? How many emails were on the server Trump wiped?

United

[Welding in Space] (Viewer #1,545,603)

That stuck door incident must’ve been terrifying

Link of the Day: There’s No Other Real Choice

[High Praise! to The Babylon Bee]

Bernie Sanders Vows To Round Up Remaining ISIS Members, Allow Them To Vote

[reference link]

Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Jailhouse Vote (Song Parody)

[High Praise! to Oppo]

Jailhouse Vote (to the tune of “Jailhouse Rock” by Elvis Presley)

Democratic party at the county jail
Prison ban was lifted ’cause of Bernie’s wail
That shark needed jumpin’: “Killers shouldn’t swing —
We need to have their votes on everything!”

Let’s vote
Everybody, let’s vote
Everybody who passed phony notes
Should pass laws with the jailhouse vote

Lizzie Warren said they’re solid citizens
Crazy Joe said they just need Ritalin
The former guy from Illinois just talked for hours:
“We’ve met the inmate and he is ours!”

Let’s vote
Everybody, let’s vote
Everybody should be in the same boat
Beholden to the jailhouse vote

Number Forty-Five said to Forty-Four
“You’d make the cutest jailbird; and you can have the floor.
They sure would be delighted with your company
And those inside could even vote for me!”

Let’s vote
Everybody, let’s vote
Everybody “Busting-Rock the Vote”
Ted Danson, something to promote.

Hill-a-Sack sittin’ next to Roger Stone
Biden in the corner veepin’ all alone
Warren said, “Hey, buddy, don’t you be no square
For a debate partner, use a wooden chair.”

Let’s vote
Everybody, let’s vote
Everybody’s needs a good scapegoat
Let’s scrape the bottom of the vote

Shiff said of illegal bugs “For heaven’s sake
No one was lookin’, it was make or break.”
But the buggers turned on Shiff just like Nixon
“I want a vote inside so I can get a fix in.”

Let’s vote
Let’s let everybody vote
Everybody: don’t just steal a coat
Steal elections with a jailhouse vote

Trump Truths: Economy

Criticize President Trump all you want, but he single-handedly created this booming economy by exponentially expanding the market for tell-all books written by disloyal staffers. Although, if Hillary had won, the boom would be from disloyal staffers’ books AND their funerals.

DNC Meeting Runs Late, Members Forced To Fake Respectful Dialogue With “Hard Working Americans” On Cleaning Staff

“This is a symbol of the power you’ve delegated to me. Hush up before I use it on you.”

WASHINGTON (AP) – Democrat leaders crafting the 2020 Democratic Party platform often find themselves struggling with finding just the right words to communicate to their voter base. However, the struggle became all too real recently, when a meeting at the Democratic National Committee headquarters building involving several high-profile elected Democrats ran late, forcing members of the meeting to fake respectful dialogue with the custodial staff, who were tidying up the offices for the night.

“That was rough,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “I mean it’s hard to go from talking to your peers to talking to the little people, you know, I mean, those hard working Americans of working families that make working, um, work. It’s not that they’re dumb or worthless… I mean every vote counts – sometimes two or three times – but… I don’t know…. it’s like being at a Hollywood fundraiser, enjoying chit-chat with a celebrity, then switching to making small-talk with their purse-chihuahua. It’s just uncomfortable.”

“She made me really uncomfortable,” said DNC HQ night watchman Larry Daley. “Going on about how she was sorry to be in my way, but that she and her fellow Democrats had to fight for the rights of hard working Americans like me. Yeah… I was unemployed until Trump got elected, so, gee, thanks, lady. Also, what’s up with that creepy stare? Does botox make your eyelids fall off? I need to Google that. Creepy!”

“So creepy,” shuddered 2020 hopeful Elizabeth Warren (D-MA). “I hate dealing with hourly workers. They’re just so… different… from the people who actually make the important decisions in this country. Though, yes, of course, working Americans are the backbone of our nation, but it’s the head that makes the decisions, not the back. And would it hurt them to feed the head a little? These campaigns don’t fund themselves, you know. They want us to care about them? Well, here’s the contribution bucket. Drop in a little ka-ching! and I’ll show you a little caring. There’s a reason those words sound alike.”

“All those Democrats sound alike,” said Carl Reed, the building’s head custodian. “I’ve been keeping this building spotless and shipshape for 20 years. I’ve seen a lot of politicians come and go – often in handcuffs, since this is DNC HQ – so I know hogwash when I hear it. Not that I’d wash a hog with the slop the snooty crew was passing off. I respect hogs too much for that. They taste like bacon. Democrats taste like chicanery. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.”

“Bad taste is the hallmark of the working class,” said Bernie Sanders. “But when you’ve been in politics as long as I have, you learn to put up with it. It’s the price you pay for power. And chatting with the rabble after closing time is just part of that. I talked about hard work and family and American values. I can do that in my sleep. Sure, the words felt like a slurry of camouflage and skunk juice in my mouth, but I know how bright the average American isn’t. I think they bought it.”

“I wasn’t buying it,” said Daley “and I’m voting Republican next year so these clowns don’t force me to pay for it.”


< Liberal Makes It Through Entire Day Without Being Offended

Heard Round the World

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

Straight Line of the Day: Joe Biden’s 2020 Campaign Slogan…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Joe Biden’s 2020 campaign slogan

The Illustrated Frank J: Now It All Makes Sense

[source]

Only One Way It Could Be Worse

A spokesman for Bernie Sanders’ campaign says the candidate plans to “lean directly into” his message about letting prisoners vote.

Really? A bunch of scummy people who’ve proved that they don’t have the best interests of American civilization at heart? Might as well let politicians vote, too.