Archive of entries posted on 12th April 2019

Trump Truths: Change

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Campaigning for 2020 will be a huge change for President Trump. Jetting around the country, speaking to throngs of adoring supporters, listing all the ways Democrats are making themselves look foolish and incompetent. Now he’ll have to add “vote for me” at the end of his speeches.

Bernie Sanders to Model “Medicare for All” on Successful Easter Bunny Egg Program

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“I’m pretty sure the Easter Bunny doesn’t actually exist.”
“Well, right now, neither does this program. But eventually it will. But then you’ll wish it didn’t. Ciiiircle of Liiiiife!”

WASHINGTON (AP) – Speaking to a town hall meeting filled with curious onlookers, Democrat presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders explained that his proposed “Medicare for All” program would follow the same model that the Easter Bunny uses to successfully distribute eggs to everyone.

“Ever since proposing ‘Medicare for All,'” Sanders told the assembled crowd, “I’ve gotten questions, questions, questions. But you don’t need to worry, because I have it figured out.”

“Every year,” continued Sanders, his muddy eyes a-sparkle with socialist glee, “the Easter Bunny hands out billions of eggs to people all over the world. And it’s free! So we’re going to do the same with health care. Are there any questions?”

One woman called out, “Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs?”

“Obviously,” replied Sanders, “all chickens who lay either millions or billions of eggs a year give him their fair share. Next question.”

A tall, thin man in back raised his hand. “One Easter I didn’t find all the eggs the Easter Bunny left, and there was this one that layed in the sun and rotted and stank really bad. What if the doctor your program picks for me stinks, too?”

A valid concern,” nodded Sanders, with his best validly concerned eyebrow-scrunch. “Truth is, your olfactory receptors only tell you of an increase in airborne chemical molecules. What you think is stink is merely relative to other eggs in the area. If there were no good eggs, the bad egg wouldn’t stink. Since all the good doctors will quit before the program starts, your doctor won’t stink for the same reason. Who’s next?”

A small child with a “not a prop” T-shirt said shyly “I didn’t like the color of the egg I got last time. Will the doctors all be the same color?”

“No, they’ll be very diverse,” said Sanders, patting her head and giving her a drink like Cindy Lou Who, “but they will all be willing to do doctoring for 1/10th the pay a good doctor makes, so they’ll have that in common.”

At the end of the Q & A, one man-bunned constituent queried tremulously “I’m not sure about this. I’ve never actually seen the Easter Bunny.”

“That’s OK,” consoled Sanders, “under my program, you’ll probably never see a doctor, either.”

< Millionaire Bernie Sanders Denounces Greedy “Billionaires and Trillionaires”