NEW YORK (AP) – In a startling medical breakthrough, researchers have developed a hearing aid that will finally allow liberals to actually hear the words other people say when they argue for political positions that liberals disagree with, such as supporting the nationwide trend toward more freedom-friendly concealed carry laws.

“We used to think liberals were just too dumb to realize that mass shootings don’t stop until a someone else with a gun shows up,” said lead developer Hunter Colton, “but new research shows that it’s a simple, correctable medical condition – a sporadic physical disconnect in their middle ear. Our new device – dubbed the ‘LibEarty’ – bridges that gap and allows both words and their meanings to penetrate into the subjects’ brains. Sorta like that connection that happens when you call your kid’s name for the fifth time and he finally looks at you.”

“It’s a miracle!” said LibEarty recipient and Sanders supporter Sunshine Rainbow Jones. “Used to be that when those flyover-country cowboys would talk guns, all I’d hear is something like ‘second dependent’, “flight to bear farms”, or “klaatu barada nikto”. Made no sense. But now I can actually hear them explain that self-defense is a basic human right. THAT I totally get. It’s like free healthcare and free college.”

Researchers are still working on a device that will allow liberals to differentiate between rights and entitlements.

“That’s a toughie,” said Colton. “Like trying to explain the difference between ‘scarlet’ and ‘crimson’ to a St. Bernard or a man.”

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