“Also, we should abolish Taco Bell because REAL Mexican food has never been tried there!”
NEW YORK CITY (AP) – During a recent appearance in her home district of NY-14, Democrat Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez told cheering crowds that it was time to abolish the office of Immigration and Customs Enforcement and drop all charges against undocumented immigrants, because “real amnesty has never been tried”.
“Republicans are always saying ‘we tried amnesty under Reagan, and the immigration problem is even worse now,'” said Rep. Ocasio-Cortez”. “Yeah, well that wasn’t REAL amnesty! Reagan made them pay fines and back taxes and stuff. REAL amnesty is like ‘fly! Be free!’ Like in the Wizard of Oz when that Wiccan person of color released her oppressed minority aviatory-simian subjects, telling them to ‘Fly! Fly! Fly!'”
“I always get a little misty thinking about that scene…” sniffed Ocasio-Cortez.
“Some people argue that they attacked the Scarecrow,” she continued, “but it’s not like he didn’t get put back together, and he got some fresh straw out of the deal. Besides Aviatory-simians are probably the ones who had to pick all the straw in the first place.”
“You know,” Ocasio-Cortez mused, “it’s the same way when people talk about Socialism being a failure, and then they point to Venezuela. Well, everyone knows that that it’s not REAL socialism – which has never been tried – that’s causing the problems. It’s because the government is full of graft and corruption. Plus they probably have an electoral college. You can’t have REAL socialism with an electoral college.”
“By the way,” she concluded, “we need to abolish the electoral college, because a REAL popular vote has never been tried. Well, I think maybe in Germany, once, but I don’t remember how that turned out.”
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