Biden is challenged: not just morally, ethically, physically, mentally, and CornPopply, but now musically.

Something completely different

I realized yesterday when I imagined Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al” coming out of Biden’s mouth, that this was an untapped vein. Or, in Hunter’s case, the closest thing possible to an untapped vein.

REPORTER: Mr. President, where are you on negotiations with the Taliban?

BIDEN: On a long, lonesome highway, east of Omaha.
You can listen to the engine moanin’ out as one long song
And the thing about the woman, or the girl, you knew the night before . . .

REPORTERETTE: Will our troops, civilians, and Afghani allies be safe?

Well, my thoughts will soon be wandering, the way they always do
When I’m Biden sixteen hours and there’s nothing much to do
And I don’t much like hidin’, I guess chocalate chip is too.

REPORTER: But you’re making press appearances again?

BIDEN: Here I am, on the road again
There I am, up on the stage
Here I go, playing sitar again
There I go, {reading from teleprompter} “Turn The Page.”

{Turns to a page.}

REPORTER: Where has Hunter been lately?

BIDEN: When you walk into a restaurant strung out from the road
And you feel the eyes upon you as you’re making off with gold
You pretend it doesn’t bother you, but you just want to explode.

REPORTER: Speaking of which . . .

BIDEN {holding up hand}: No, let me finish.

Most times you can’t hear ’em talk, other times you can
All the Democrat clichés, “Is it woman or a man?”
And you’ve always seen Outnumbered, so you don’t dare make a stand.

REPORTER: So, Hunter’s . . .

BIDEN: Here I am, on the road again
There I am, up on the stage
Here I go, playing the star again
There I go, intern or page.

{Looks down at binder; turns page.}

REPORTER: You are clearly in the spotlight here, no more than six feet away from us, but not wearing a mask. Can you speak to that?

BIDEN: Look, man, out there in the spotlight you’re a million miles away
Every ounce of energy you try to give away
As the sweat pours out your body like the Musilex, as you say.

REPORTERETTE: Your spokeswoman, Jen Psaki, has said you are full of vigor — I hope that’s the word she used — and that she “has a hard time keeping up with you.”

BIDEN: Later in the evening as you lie awake in bed
With the echoes from the amplifiers ringin’ in your head
You stroke the day’s last silhouette, remembering what she said.

REPORTER: Mr. Biden , when will you hold your next press availability?

BIDEN: Twenty-Five or Six to Four.

REPORTERETTE: Could you clarify that?

BIDEN: Innagadavida, baby!

REPORTER: What is your plan for operations in Afghanistan?

BIDEN: {Quotes lyrics from “Louie, Louie” as he shuffles off without taking further questions.}