i.e., feel good that you’re nowhere near this:

Report: Woman Put Severed Chicken Heads in Boyfriend’s Bed
The Livingston Enterprise | Feb 14, 2024

Awwwwww … a Valentine’s Day story. How sweet.

A 34-year-old Billings woman accused of leaving chicken heads on her then-boyfriend’s bed, trashing his apartment, and vandalizing his car, faces potential jail time …

The key word is “then.”

“[The boyfriend] was only at the home a short time before he left during the verbal argument as he was concerned it would escalate out of control, especially after the damage that was done to his property and the chicken heads left on his bed.”

Excellent call.

A sheriff’s deputy responded to the home about two hours after the boyfriend’s report and observed smashed-up furniture in the yard and a car with its windshield smashed and at least two flat tires. Some of the furniture in the apartment also appeared to have been moved around, . . .

Oh, no!

. . . and there were chicken feathers throughout the house, according to the affidavit.