The Great “If”s of History

If IMAO had been truly wiped off the face of the internet this past week, I’d never know:

If DamnCat was a damn cat

If Walrus was a walrus

If Editor was an editor

If Bill is due

If Gumbeaux was ready to rumbeaux

If Dohtimes would find the time to go “Doh!” somewhere else

If Bob B was truly a bot, and if he could also guide me to salvation (thanks)

If Bob in Feenicks could just guide me to Feenicks

If tankdemon was — you know — a tank demon; and if he ever found his shillelagh

If Gene would ever get back together with his group, Gene & the Doomsday Glaciers, and that guy in the back of the bar. What was his name? One-Eyed Pete?

If Jimmy was here to stay this time

If Scotty T can give us more power from the warp drive

If Vaktatunen (or is it Vakatunen?) would vacate

If GrandLarsenE would admit to being a gator

If Windbag is really an accurate screen name

If the Magnificent Purple Walnut would change his colors

If zzyzx would remember any lines from “Blazing Saddles,” by any chance

If CaleyGraph liked Venn Diagrams

If SomeDudeInTX would get ever get over the shakes

If rametindallas would do the same thing (it must be a Texas thing)

If Andy would still be Andy

If Biscuit would fluff up

If Bubba is from the South

If Conservatarian would admit he’s a liberal

If Finbear and Fangbeer are the same person (spoiler: they aren’t)

If Hadsil ever met Gretl

If ddalry would stop being so shy

If Some Internet Guy would turn out to be Some Other Internet Guy

And if Les would take over, already! He was here way before I was!

If I missed you, I apologize — but I would miss you.

22 Comments

  1. The first time I was here, it lasted 10 years (2007-2017).

    But since Elon and I are planning a trip to the moon to document where Frank nuked it, I don’t know how long I’ll be around this time,. I hear there’s a swell vacation resort, retirement home and burial site run by aliens on the back side, so I might not come back.

  2. I am, sadly, but a minor imp, not a full-fledged demon, though I did indeed spend time on tanks for the US Army (though, despite being in regular service for over 20 years, never in actual combat.)

    My shillelagh is, like the Yak, still missing.

  3. I am a Red (color i see when I assess the current state of things, and general way I vote though registered independent), White (male/heterosexual are my pronouns) in Blue (the peoples republic of Massachusetts) though I have offspring in TN so they would be: red (neck) white (and heterosexual based on the grand-babies being produced there) and orange (again TN).

    Once I retire, Red White in Blue will be my blog name so hands off you poochers…that is aimed at Frnak wherever the heck he is hiding (TX is still a red state right? So maybe its not applicable to him).

  4. …IF you want to get to Feenicks, remember to turn left at Albuquerque.
    -or maybe avoid Albuquerque altogether.
    Come to think of it, what the F%@# are you doing in New Mexico in the first place?

  5. Back in the day, we had to upload and download memes 5 miles, through 6 feet of snow, uphill, both ways! Now WordPress crashes and you break your leg, don’t come runnin’ to me. Tsk. Kids these days.

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