I have, after all, dreamt of being lost in Ms. Welch’s cleavage.

And far be it from me to disparage a poor lad in such a life-threatening and dire situation.

But…

A boy was trapped between boulders for 9 hours until crews could free him
Recorder Online | 9/16/24 | Kathy McCormack

CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Rescuers freed an 11-year-old boy who slipped between two boulders near his school and was trapped for more than nine hours, a New Hampshire fire chief said Monday.

The boy was pried out of the boulders in Windsor at about 3:15 a.m. He was taken to a hospital for evaluation and released, according to the Wediko School, where the boy is a student.

“On Sunday evening, while under supervision, a student exploring a rocky area on campus slipped between two boulders when sticks and debris gave way beneath them,” the school, a residential treatment center for boys, said in a statement Monday.

Sunday night? On a school night? Further explanation, please! And “residential treatment center” doesn’t exactly cut it!

If IMAO had been truly wiped off the face of the internet this past week, I’d never know:

If DamnCat was a damn cat

If Walrus was a walrus

If Editor was an editor

If Bill is due

If Gumbeaux was ready to rumbeaux

If Dohtimes would find the time to go “Doh!” somewhere else

If Bob B was truly a bot, and if he could also guide me to salvation (thanks)

If Bob in Feenicks could just guide me to Feenicks

If tankdemon was — you know — a tank demon; and if he ever found his shillelagh

If Gene would ever get back together with his group, Gene & the Doomsday Glaciers, and that guy in the back of the bar. What was his name? One-Eyed Pete?

If Jimmy was here to stay this time

If Scotty T can give us more power from the warp drive

If Vaktatunen (or is it Vakatunen?) would vacate

If GrandLarsenE would admit to being a gator

If Windbag is really an accurate screen name

If the Magnificent Purple Walnut would change his colors

If zzyzx would remember any lines from “Blazing Saddles,” by any chance

If CaleyGraph liked Venn Diagrams

If SomeDudeInTX would get ever get over the shakes

If rametindallas would do the same thing (it must be a Texas thing)

If Andy would still be Andy

If Biscuit would fluff up

If Bubba is from the South

If Conservatarian would admit he’s a liberal

If Finbear and Fangbeer are the same person (spoiler: they aren’t)

If Hadsil ever met Gretl

If ddalry would stop being so shy

If Some Internet Guy would turn out to be Some Other Internet Guy

And if Les would take over, already! He was here way before I was!

If I missed you, I apologize — but I would miss you.

Except that girl in the back, who was going through their lunchboxes.