Bryan Smith from Somewhere East of Hell, Virginia writes:
The quiz at http://www.theadvocates.org/quiz.html identified me as a
“Libertarian” even though I’ve always thought of myself as a republican. Do
you know of any support groups that may be able to help me out?
Sorry, I don’t know of any support groups, but I can give you some advice to help out. Take two positions that seem contradictory – like saying you hate the nanny state which prevent people from buying cigarettes and guns but want marijuana to be illegal because you hate hippies – and, when someone calls you on being inconsistent, reply, “I don’t give a rat’s ass.” Don’t fall for that false god of consistency, or there may be no help for you and you’ll find yourself supporting canidates who don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting elected and are blue in color.
Diane from Basara, Iraq writes:
Please help, as I’m not sure if I should seek counseling. After watching the
confirmation that Saddam’s spawn were both dead, I didn’t turn off the
television. I left it on so I could hear over and over and over again that
we had killed them and laugh almost hysterically each time. Is there
something wrong with me?
No, reacting to the deaths of these two (as Buck would say) extra foreign people is perfectly natural. Me, I did a happy dance upon hearing the news. Who needs help are the few people who hate God, man, and America, and gnash their teeth at good news about the war. Give them two whacks with a Cluebat™ and call me in the morning.
Steve the Marine in Hawaii asks:
What is your stance on people born on the year of the monkey? Inherently evil, is there any hope?
I don’t believe in those silly superstitions, but, to be on the safe side, I would watch any person born in the year of monkey with deep suspicion. Whenever they near, keep your hand near your gun and your eyes on them at all times. And, try to delay pregnancies to make sure a child is not born in such a year. That may be harsh for a pregnant woman, but I don’t care because I’m a man.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Don’t fall for that false god of consistency, or there may be no help for you and you’ll find yourself supporting canidates who don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting elected and are blue in color.
It’s too late for me. My vote has been wasted for years. My only hope is to pull others into the worship of my fell god Consistency. Bwahahaha!
I hate hippies, but I think marijuana should be legal. That way more hippies would get stoned, and when they’re stoned and moving slowly they’re easier to target.
Pah, a silly Short answer question. Much better is this, which you all should answer:
You are a sand farmer living in a dirt hut who just came into $30 million dollars, by “telling the trashman where to look” What do you do now?
See if you can figure out where the other pile of trash is?
Damn you, Frank, now I have the “Happy Dance” tune echo..o…o…o…ing through my head!
MonkeyPants
Imperial Falconer
Oh no! I’m even worse from the readings of that libertarian test. It said I was a CENTRIST! Thankfully, it put me at the center between libertarian and right-wing. I don’t think I could stand to be one of the undecided masses.
I should have known… “Left-Liberal” LOL!
Another fine post from Frank. Thanks dude!
roq
It said I’m a centrist, too. The test is broke. They should use be to re-center, because whatever my answers are should be gospel for right-wing.
Damn, I’m totally screwed up. I’m on the borderline between centrist and libertarian, on the right side. I ain’t sure what that means, but I guess I won’t be votin’ for John Kerry (who served in Viet Nam) this election.
“…like saying you hate the nanny state which prevent people from buying cigarettes and guns but want marijuana to be illegal because you hate hippies – and, when someone calls you on being inconsistent, reply, “I don’t give a rat’s ass.””
Are you reading my mind or watching me or both? I’m not scared.
OK i’m scared.
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