Viewer discretion! Last time, that meant GreyJack would take a bite out of crime! This time, let’s hope it doesn’t mean Audrey is back. A nuclear explosion is more palatable for viewer discretion.
Previously on 24–
8 a.m.: GreyJack the werewolf and Assad are following bin Diesel’s man. Casualty reports are coming in to CTU and the White House. It’s bad bad bad, because they didn’t listen to Jack, who is always right.
Bin Diesel calls Palmer to negotiate some more, and SarahK has an opinion about negotiating with terrorists. Palmer says, Ok, what do you want? I’m all ears. And chrome dome, yo. BD says he wants the US to release some enemy combatants (um… TERRORIST DIRTBAGS) and then quotes the ACLU, Amnesty International, and Reuters, eventually calling the dirtbags “freedom fighters.” They’re French? Bathe them immediately, they’ll talk! BD wants them in the air in international airspace within the hour. Oh, and he will only make this “offer” once. They hang up, and everyone (Bill, Karen, Bisquick) is against it except Wayne, who thinks it will buy them more time to find bin Diesel. Okie dokey. S-L-O-W.

Jack and Assad argue over going to CTU for help, and finally Assad agrees with GreyJack.
At CTU, Milo gives Morris an order to vet (vette? vett?) the French fighters, and they argue, and Chloe scowls. Jack calls Chloe. “Jack, my love, I didn’t think I’d ever hear your voice again.” “Chloe, not right now. Lemme talk to Bill.” “Bill, my true love is on the phone.”
Bill asks if GreyJack is sure he can trust Assad. Jack pauses, because he’s like, “I don’t know how to do this anymore, and I already told Assad that,” but tells Bill he thinks so. That makes me feel really good! They’re trying to follow BD’s guy for Jack, but they can’t just yet, so Jack asks them to send over Curtis’s tac team.
Rico Suave is not pleased when he hears that GreyJack is bringing over Assad. Maybe a personal connection there?
Jack steals a car after throwing down it’s owner in an unfriendly manner. That’s California for you. Jack smashes into the terrorist with the stolen car so that his car is unusable, and Assad drives up in the other car and pretends to be a witness in favor of the other guy. Jack drives off angry, yelling about “you people,” and Assad says he’s going the same place as BD’s guy and can drive him. He sets up his subliminal ad cell phone as a tracker and calls Jack, who patches through to CTU, and Assad drops the phone in the map pocket for a leisurely drive to Newhall. Or Newhole. Or the new hole in the ground they are going to make when they nuke LA (where else?).
Jack follows two miles behind, and wow, he has great vision if he can see that far. It’s his new werewolf vision! Curtis is going to intercept Jack on is way to Newhall.
Bin Diesel assures his men that Ockmed is on his way to pick up the component for the thingy that they’re building, and by the time the prisoners are in the air, it will be too late for the Americans.
Ockmed takes Scott (Dimwit) over to his house and holds his family at gunpoint. Scott’s mom is conveniently a nurse, so she will be repairing his leg. Scott’s dad will be delivering the package and picking up something else for Ockmed. If he hears or sees anything or blah blah blah, the family gets it. The dad leaves, and mom and kid stay behind with Ockmed. Scott appears to be mute.
Everybody: We don’t negotiate with terrorists. Or elect Democrats. 😀
8:21a.m.: Chloe and Morris argue over Morris picking on Milo. Chloe is full of zingers, and we LOVE her. Morris has unlocked Milo’s files. Karen updates President… um… didn’t I use up all my synonyms for spineless, gutless, weenie, wuss, etc. on Logan last year? I’m out of words! At least Logan waffled between the good options and the bad sometimes. Wayne just plunges right into whatever is the worst possible option. Let’s turn over America to the terrorists! That’ll solve our problems, we saw the good it did two hours ago! Thumbs up!
Curtis picks up Jack and gives him official comms. Woohoo! Better to hear you with! Rico talks to Jack about Assad and wonders how Jack can work with Assad. Rico says Assad should pay for his past crimes (agreed!), and GreyJack says yeah, but he’s renouncing terrorism, so Jack doesn’t know what is right anymore. “Anyway, it’s not our decision to make.” Rico says, “We’ll see about that.” Jack wants to know what that means. Oh, nothing. Keep coo’, yo. Keep coo’.
Ockmed sends Mute to the kitchen for some pain meds and water, and Mute grabs a knife. He doesn’t use it just yet. Dun dun dunnnnnn. It will end badly for at least one of the non-Muslims.
8:32a.m.: At the prison, the French fighters are getting ready to be loaded onto the buses. At the White House, Bisquick tells Wayne that his stupid sister was arrested. So he’s not paying attention to the prison stuff — you know, the important stuff that shouldn’t even be happening, so he can pay attention to the insignificant distraction. There’s some bullcrap about what the country stands for. Yes, Walid, the country stands for obstruction of justice and deleting files right in front of FBI agents. However, why weren’t the agents raiding mosques instead of the IAA.
Kim-andra. Wait. Should we call her BlacKim? I like that. BlacKim fights with Johnny Five, who is all up in her face. “YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS UV ME.” Walid doesn’t cooperate, so he gets smacked around. I’m fine with that. Oh, and they’re at one of the “provisional facilities.” One of those that Karen keeps whining about, smacking us over the head with her objections over and over.
8:41a.m.: Assad tries to get info from the other terrorist, and when he finally gives a dropoff location, Nadia tells Chloe what to do. Chloe says, “You mean like I’m doing already?”
Terrorist gets out of the car and goes to the commercial district. Jack and Rico meet with Assad. Rico faces off with Assad. Assad gives Rico instructions, and Rico’s all like, “My men know what they’re doing.” Assad’s all, “Do I know you?” Rico says, “No, but I know you.” Rico takes over and informs Jack that Assad is not part of the op to take down the other terrorist. “Thanks for helping us, but we’ll be needing your weapon now. I don’t trust terrorists. You understand.” SarahK understands. The tactical team goes in, and the terrorist is taking a laptop out of a storage unit full of ammunition and weapons. He hears something, spots someone, and starts shooting. They have a shootout, he blows himself and the storage unit up, and they get a very toasty dead terrorist. I always say, the only good terrorist is a dead terrorist. Yeehaw. The laptop is kinda fried, too, so they might not get anywhere with that.
Everyone at CTU is sad. Wayne hears about the op going bad and gives the go-ahead for the prisoner transfer. Sure, why not? If a handful of terrorists have pulled this off, let’s let a hundred more loose so they can have more manpower! That makes complete sense! S-L-O-W.
The prisoners start loading the plane, and bin Diesel looks at a big metal case in his Posse Warehouse.
8:53a.m.: Scott’s dad drops off his package to “Marcus,” and it’s a giant box of cash. Marcus says it’s not enough, because the component cost too much. He’s gonna need another $50 grand. Marcus says that until he brings back the money, there’s nothing to talk about. Suburban dad calls home and tells Ockmed, who tells him to get the item no matter what he has to do. So Suburban dad gets the guy to bring out the part (to a nuclear weapon, I assume), then he hits him over the head with a lamp. The guy pulls a gun. Dad knocks the gun out of his hand! Instead of grabbing the gun and stealing the part at gunpoint with a mere, “This guy is going to kill my family if you don’t let me take this part. Please wait at least two hours before you call the cops,” he smashes the man’s skull against the floor until he’s dead. Eh, who cares? He was working with terrorists, good riddance. Anyway, he gets the device.
Chloe is able to recover a schematic in Arabic and Russian off the toasted harddrive for GreyJack. Assad tells Jack it’s a parts list for a nuclear device, a suitcase nuke. He is able to pronounce this. Jack? Not so much. Nuk-u-lar. Rico goes mad at Assad because he’s sure Assad knew this was what bin Diesel was after all along. Yeah! Punch him, Rico Suave, punch him! Nadia Yassir (terrorist name!) says there was a claim that a suitcase nuke was diverted to a nuclear scientist way back when, so yeah, maybe they have one. The scientist’s name is something Muslim, and Numir is one of the prisoners being released! Jack is displeased!
They call the president to tell him what a horrible thing he is doing. Because you know, negotiating with terrorists isn’t horrible enough. At the airfield, there’s a gunshot on one of the buses, and one of the prison guards has shot the other guard on the bus and goes to let Numir out of the bathroom. “Hurry up. Bin Diesel is waiting for you. He missed you. He loves you.”