It’s Friday, so it’s time for the wire services to post the non sequitur non-news story of Mahmoud Abbas praying at a mosque.
However, this week’s different… this week we’re going to start a new feature called:
And it’s an extra-special edition! Mahmoud and thug-in-chief Ismail Haniyeh the Hamasshole are hanging out in the granddaddy of all mosques – in Mecca!
So, from Mahmoud Abbas’ expressions, can you tell what Mahmoud Abbas is praying for?
Is it:
a) To know who has their hand up his ass, and what’s their phone number.
b) To stop chanting TOGA! with the rest of the guys and go find some girls.
c) For the embargo to end so he doesn’t have to wear his Depends inside-out every other day.
d) For Ismail to quit telling him to hold that thing to his head and hear the sound of dying, screaming infidels.
Oh… wait…
He can hear them!
e) A semi-private changing room on the way back.
or
f) NONE OF THE ABOVE!
Put your guesses in the comments.
He’s praying for Laurence to win the podcast competition.
D) Merciful Allah, please let there be a sheet of Downy in the dryer…
E) Ishtar’s teats! I told you how itchy these get without the Downy!
MAN BOOBS!
d. Upon further review, Allah declares the infidels’s foot was clearly out of bounds. Allah decrees that the play shall stand as called by his servant. 3rd down!
e. We all just realized that we look just a wee bit queer.
He’s praying for Labor Day to get here already, so he can have an excuse to stop wearing white.
In all of them he is praying that the paternity test will prove that he is the father of Anna’s baby and that he should get all the mone – I mean get custody of the beautiful baby to raise as a peaceful muslim.
d) Mahmoud, look what we have liberated from the Zionist pig scientists – they call it The Way-Back Machine. We have set it so we will be able to see the actual moment The Prophet received the holy Koran from Allah…
e) How many boys do you think he took to that cave? This is not good…this changes everything…
Hey, I can hear the ocean!
semi topless Arabs;
there you go, getting all the Goats excited…
“Oh great and merciful Allah, please lead me to a private sauna, man this place is crowded, oh and one of those ab-doer things. Thanks, I’d be ever so greatful.”
I didn’t know there was a Palestinian chapter of the John Belushi fan club?
Toga! Toga! Toga!
Time to get out those old frat records;
Kingsmen; Sonics; Trashmen; Mysterians; Mighty Wailers!
He’s praying that Otis Day and the Knights are going to perform soon.
I haven’t been to a Toga party in decades. These squirrels are sooo behind in the times.
A. “Down, boy!”
B. Everyone thinks their own farts smell good.
C. “Wanna play ‘hide the kebab’?”
D. “This steel monument represents the Devil’s Bunghole”
E. “I wonder if my head will fit in there?”
F. “I see you have the itch also.”
By the way the spittoon thingy on the side of Kaaba contains an ancient meteor that the pagans prayed to before the time of Mohammad. They kiss it. They seem kiss everything else so what the hell. It’s a bit like kissing the Blarney Stone but your expected to do it sober. The spittoon thingy itself serves as a fancy slobber shield because about a zillion people put their mouths on the meteor before you.
I can’t say I understand the whole meteor-kissing thing. Oh look it’s shrapnel from the heavens! God be praised. Maybe it’s also why these folks seem to like RPG’s so much.
Maybe long ago the village leader was looking across the wasteland at his worst enemy. All the sudden a meter falls from the heavens and turns his enemy into dust with a mighty bang. The village leader turns and yells. God be praised! What are the chances of that happening!
There’s gotta’ be a good story behind this. Yet again, there might just be a terrible lack of entertainment out in the middle of the desert.
He’s praying that no one sees the hypocrisy of Muslim men running around half naked and women being stoned for being outside (completely covered) without a male member of their families.
OR
He’s praying for a part in National Lampoons next movie, “National Lampoons Jihad Vacation”
May Allah cast down the filthy pig-dog infidels who forgot to buy enough Tide! Have they any idea how hard it is to keep my whites their whitest in the middle of a desert?
When you go to a party and someone else shows up in exactly the same dress as you, it’s mortifying. When everyone else shows up in the same dress, it’s time to kill yourself. Hence the suicide brigades.
Another mystery solved. You’re welcome.
Seanmahair,
“National Lampoons Jihad Vacation”
Now that’s a way to start a riot: “National Lampoon joins the Hajj”
If we are truly God’s chosen people, why are we the ugliest on the planet?
Why would anyone join a religion whose holiest shrine was designed by an ancestor of Erno Rubik? I’ve seen those steel things before, being used as puke-sinks in the Munich Hofbräuhaus’ main restroom. Drunk Bavarians pay homage to them in a similar fashion.
D) He’s astounded at the size of that gloryhole.
d) “Sir, I have something strange on my scope. You’d better have a look at this.”
“What in Allah’s name is that thing..?”
At this point, he should pick up one of the red “Hot Phones”, call NORAD, and scramble some fighters to intercept the UFO.
For Andrew Sullivan to stop following him around in the changing room.