Is there anything sciency folk can’t do? now they claim to be able to read your intentions.
A team of world-leading neuroscientists has developed a powerful technique that allows them to look deep inside a person’s brain and read their intentions before they act.
Soon mysteries like:
- “Why did I enter this room?”
- “Is this person trying to hurt my feelings/take my job or steal my significant other?”
- “Are liberals trying to destroy Christianity/undermine America or is it just satire and they really support the troops”
will be answered with a simple brain scan.
The ACLU will (rightly) go berserk over this contraption, until of course they demand its use to prove the majority of Americans intended to vote for Dennis Kucinich…
Maybe I’ll finally learn what getting on the bus without pants means.
I frequently go without pants. But then, I’m a girl. 🙂
Question 3 may never be answered by a “brain” scan.
That’s just what I need, a brain scanner that’s more decisive than me. Can it tell when I’m finally going to actually get off my ass and do something.
If I have a massive brain fart does it damage the machine?
A brain scanner that tells me what I’ll be doing before I do it.
Isn’t that really what a wife does.
I don’t suppose this thing doles out sexual gratification when I’m a good boy. I wonder if I can get a dumb blond model with great a great pair of. Oh wait! I seem to be reliving my adolescence.
So the next step is, now that they can tell what I’m going to do before I do it, they can make me do what they want me to do.
Can anybody say “Stepford Wives.”
Sounds like a plank from the Democratic Party
What I think is most important is will these gadgets be cheaper than the E-meters that the Church of Scientology uses?
Oh fantastic…Let’s see, no cure for AIDs, no cure for cancer, Parkinson’s still ravages men and women all over the world, but science has bestowed upon us the gift “intention” scanning! Wow, this is almost as momentous a day as when Ron Popeil came out with the pocket fisherman!
//Wow, this is almost as momentous a day as when Ron Popeil came out with the pocket fisherman!//
HEY! those things come in handy where I live. In fact having it around all the time lets everyone know ahead of time that I intended to go fishin’ long time before these sciency guys figured it out and for a lot less money, I bet!
Ah, but do you also own the Bass-O-Matic? This device thwarts any perceived intentions as to WHY you would spontaneously want to catch a fish. Are you hungry, or just sadistic? Their machines will never be able to guess.
Kurt:
“Understanding the brain? But I wanted a neural disease cure!”
Brain: “Understanding the brain can buy many cures.”
“Explain how.”
Brain: “Knowledge can be used to develop treatments and technologies for curing disease.”
“Woo hoo!”
will be answered with a simple brain scan.
and it’ll be easy to find those simple brains to scan. They have all registered as Democrats!