There’s a New Yorker article on what Obama would do if reelected. I didn’t read it, though, as I couldn’t get past how they put an accent mark on the second ‘e’ in reelected. Still, I came up with my own guesses on what Obama would do.
WHAT OBAMA WOULD DO IF REELECTED
* Laugh maniacally.
* Find out what number comes after trillion.
* Reunite the choom gang.
* Do a rain dance with Elizabeth Warren.
* Order drone strikes on anyone ordering a soda larger than 16 ounces.
* Eats all the dogs he wants.
* Get Biden that rabbit farm he’s always going on and on about.
* Play two hundred more rounds of golf.
* Write four more memoirs about it.
* Stop asking permission to be clear and just be clear.
* Get a week to be completely undisturbed and do nothing but eat waffles.
* Answer any challenge to his political ideas with, “I won… again!”
* Wipe his @$$ with the Constitution.
* Put Michelle on the drone hit list.
* The same thing we do every night, Pinky – try to take over the world!
push the self destruct button for us.
Give us all government subsidized hand baskets for our trip to hell
Change his name to Shaka Zulu
Legalize same sex student loans for unionized illegal aliens armed with F&F guns.
Just 200 rounds in 1460 days? So Barry would cut back on the golf, then.
Announce that he was born in a place worse than Kenya or Indonesia: Massachusetts!
Introduce us to his Chinese puppet masters.
Put a minaret on the Whitehouse.
Take over network television with daily speeches about how great he is. ( run the same speech every night because we all know how lazy he is.)
Legalize abortions for up to 12 year olds. (not for the children of 12 year olds, for children up to 12 retroactively.)
Get a stimulus bill going for former community organizers born in Kenya.
Buy Moochele that Saarlac she has been wanting for the Whitehouse lawn.
Develop a really good Barbeque sauce.
Try Cannibalism.
Two words: “Executive order”
Nice Steinbeck reference there. If Biden is Lenny, then BO must be George. Seems like, in the book, something happened to Lennys dog, and nobody ever fessed up. Hmmmm…..
Grow an awesome fro and insist everyone call him “Shaft”.
Get his hands on the secret military laser and carve his initials on the moon.
Every time Biden falls asleep on air force one, wake him up by screaming something about snakes on a plane.
Lock Hilary in the tower.
This is hard, every ridiculous thing I can think of he has already done.
Gag gift to the queen, Check.
Party on the lawn like a frat boy, Check.
Swipe a car company and give it to the union, Check.
Get a trillion in walking around money, Check.
Son of Bob, order number one will be that he, BHO, has all copyrights to images of U.S. presidents and anyone using actual dollars or electronic transfers of them will have to pay a small 95% fee for the privilege.
Have weather bureau claim that in drought stricken areas it can actually rain only on your leg.
Hm. This is surprisingly tempting, if true.
Heh. Ünecessary ümlaüts äre coöl!
Ünecessary ümlaüts äre coöl!
[ahem!] Cool=racist. Ergo umlauts, deployed by northern European language writers, are racist.
“Uncool” Lefitist icons Patrice Lumumba and Kwame Nkruma never used umlauts.
Continue to blame Bush.
(silaS has mastered the umlaut! Judicious use of umlauts can overcome the IMAO censor who is unfair, unbalanced and unmedicated.)