Archive of posts filed under the Obama category.

A Death Panel By Any Other Name…

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Obama says there will be no “Death Panels”.

So I’m wondering… is he saying that the government won’t start denying people care based on cost vs. expected productive value to society, or is he just saying they won’t call this cacophany of bean-counting bureaucrats a “Death Panel”?

I suspect the latter, so I expect the final Obamacare bill will empower its decision-making assemblage under a different name.

Some possibilities:

Caskets for Clunkers

Reaper Review Board

Cessation Commission

Termination Task Force

Curtains Committee

Departure Directorate

Burial Board

Casualty Cabinet

Funeral Forum

Eradication Convocation

Mortality Moderators

Grave Group

Monty Python Parrot Panel

If you were Obama, what you name YOUR “Death Panel”?

What’s It Like To Hear Obama Speak?

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Senator Max Baucus (D-MT):


[YouTube direct link]

“It’s just so wonderful to hear him speak, it’s like a symphony”

Yeah… that’s ONE analogy. Let’s try some more.

Listening to Obama speak is like…

… that eternally long half-second between when you realize you’re going to hit the car in front of you, and the first musical tinklings of glass & metal.

… accidentally hitting “delete”, then accidentally hitting “yes” on the “are you sure?” dialog box.

… pouring milk on your cereal and watching earwigs float to the top.

… passing an exit, rounding a curve, and joining a 12-mile traffic jam.

… fumbling for a light switch and finding a wall socket

… hearing that creaking, ripping sound a tree branch makes as it separates from the trunk prior to coming through your roof.

… a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced..

… noticing the empty toilet paper roll before standing up instead of before sitting down.

… dropping a butcher knife, but keeping it from hitting the floor with a deftly-executed blade-first catch.

… hearing that awful tearing sound that inevitably accompanies stuffing 10 pounds of arrogant into a 5 pound bag.

… watching the First Lady serve soup to homeless people while wearing $540 shoes.

… listening to something with angry German facial hair… not sure what, exactly…

What’s it like for you?

Overheard on the Golf Course With Obama

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In the last 10 weeks, Obama’s been golfing 10 times. During these times, there’s a press blackout, so no one can take pictures of him smoking (seriously, WHY are there no pictures of this man with a lit cigarette? If we can put a man on the moon, this should be a cakewalk). You just gotta wonder what gets said on the links.

I speculate thusly:

“Caddy? No, he’s my ‘Club Czar’.”

* “Can’t find the ball? Let Biden look for it. There’s no such thing as an ‘undisclosed location‘ when Joe’s around.”

* “FO!… Sorry, glare on the teleprompter… FORE!”

* “Keep that stroke off the scorecard and there’s a juicy bailout in it for you.”

* “Why wouldn’t I use the ladies’ tee? Ever seen me throw a baseball?”

* “What a slice! Don’t even bother looking for that ball, boys… they’ll find my birth certificate before you find that thing.”

* “Oops… I think I broke a window with that shot. Or was it a door?

* “Would you PLEASE tell Napolitano to stop refering to my score as a ‘man caused disaster‘?”

* “I just blew a 2-inch putt… now THAT was like the Special Olympics or something.”

* “Back nine? No way. That Brazilian chick’s back was a SOLID ten!”

* “My handicap? She’s out shopping for another $6000 handbag.”

Did YOU overhear anything?

Up From the Memory Hole: Proof That Obama is a Racist

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In 2008, after Time Magazine headlined an article about Obama winning the South Carolina primary “Obama’s Rout Rejiggers the Race“, they were met with a storm of criticism for using the word “jig”, because it’s racist.

During Obama’s answer to that irrelevant softball on the arrest of Professor “I’ll talk to your MAMA outside!” Gates, Obama used the word “jigger” to describe the act of a black man forcibly entering a house:

“There was a report called into the police station that there might be a burglary taking place. so far so good. Right? I mean, if I was trying to jigger in — well, I guess this is my house now so it probably wouldn’t happen. Let’s say my old house in Chicago — here I’d get shot.”

I wish Obama would stop hatin’ on the African-American community.

Racism makes me sad.

Saddened by a Thieving Monkey

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In Texas, a monkey was caught on security videotape stealing plants from the store Plants and Planters.

It occurred to me that there’s an analogy between this and Obama taking over GM, since the monkey reportedly said afterwards that he “doesn’t want to be in the plant business”.

Then I remembered that using “monkey” and “Obama” in the same sentence would get me tossed into a Federal Sensitivity Camp, so I’m not gonna go there.

Bumblin’ Barry

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[YouTube direct link]

Since “baseless speculation” is the new “objective journalism”, I think we, as a nation, need to come up with an explanation for why Barack Obama tripped while walking through a doorway in Italy.

“…and introducing the ‘How To Walk Through a Doorway’ players – On the right, ‘Mr. Yes’; on the left ‘Mr. No'”

* Judging by his policies, Barry’s been trippin’ since the campaign started. Why remark on it now?

* He was distracted by a sudden, terrifying vision of his teleprompter meeting an ignominious and untimely end.

* He couldn’t afford special orthopedic “tripless” shoes because SOMEBODY just pissed away the entire checking account on a $6000 purse.

* He spends all his time walking on water & hasn’t got his land-legs yet.

* For 20 glorious seconds, NOBODY was talking about the “butt-staring picture”. Totally worth it.

* We simply have to accept the fact that Obama wasn’t kidding about being like the Special Olympics.

* According to Pelosi, the CIA lied to him about the step’s existence.

* According to Biden, Obama simply “misread” how high the step was.

* Racism!

* Sarkozy pranked him into believing that stumbling over the threshold is a time-honored Italian custom (it’s actually Irish).

* He was just taking Rahm Emanuel’s advice: “any time you do ANYTHING as President, imagine how Ronald Reagan would do it, then do the exact opposite”.

* And finally, the REAL reason for the stumble:

Seems that Barry’s not just an ass-man, he’s also got a thing for fuzzy sweaters & schoolgirl skirts.

I Don’t Care, I’m Going to Make Him Guilty Anyway

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So ABC News responded to this blatantly incriminating picture:

by going out of their way to prove that Obama is NOT checking out a 16 year old girl’s ass by going frame-by-frame through the video.


[YouTube direct link]

Suddenly they give a crap about factual accuracy.

And normally, I would, too, but it’s a little too late, because I’ve cannon-balled into the deep end of the vengeance pool.

The MSM has no compunction about running with smears, innuendo, and Tina Fey quotes to discredit Sarah Palin. So I’m taking Porretto’s advice on how to do payback on liberals and running this bad-timing, bad-luck photo into the ground (and yes, it’ll be the “uncaptioned” in tomorrow’s lolbama!).

This will be Obama’s tank picture.

This will be Obama’s bunny suit.

I’m going to take this image at face value until Obama comes out and makes a statement denying his pedophillic leer. Then I’m going to ignore him and keep on accusing him of impropriety with this out-of-context photo as my only evidence.

Well, except for this screen-grab:

Say… who IS that charming lady – who is NOT Obama’s wife – that the President is holding hands with?

Didn’t we first see Monica Lewinsky as just another “celebratory hug” while Billy “Blue Dress” Clinton was working a room?:

Is there more to this story?

Should Congress call for hearings?

I’m not implying anything. I’m just asking questions.

Will Obama Be Fired For This?

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Obama said he fired Inspector General Gerald Walpin without 30 days notice because he was so “confused” and “disoriented” that there was reason to question “his capacity to serve.”

Does not knowing left from right count?:

It gives me no joy to play speculative little “what if Obama were a Republican” gotcha-games, but seriously, how many times a day would you be forced to watch this clip if Bush had missed his mark twice in the same press conference?