I’m a Republican. I’m a winner. You listen to what I say. That’s what you’re doing right now. What I say is important because I’m on the winning side.
Some people disagree with me, but I don’t care what they have to say. You saw the election? People who disagree with me – the left – are losers. People heard what they had to say and they hated it.
People hate losers.
These losers think they have a freedom of speech to keep talking their loser talk. That’s stupid. My time is valuable. You know how much my time costs? It’s more than you can afford. I shouldn’t waste it on loser talk that’s already rejected. The American people think their ideas are dumb, so they should have to shut up. I get to keep talking. I’m a winner.
For example, some people want to argue whether we should be warring. That’s loser talk, No more of that. We all decided war is fun and cool, so shut up about it. What you can argue is who we kill next. That’s winner talk. That’s freedom of speech that should be allowed.
So am I saying that losers should be punished for saying loser speech. Yes I am. They should be beaten with winner sticks wielded by winners like me until they shut up. That’s right, losers: I don’t have time to listen to you. I only have time to hit with you sticks. Rocks, too.
Now we only use winner talk. We talk about cutting taxes and killing bad people. You want to talk about something else, you’re a loser and I have my stick. I’m a winner. I get to talk.
…Well, I don’t have anything to say right now. When I do, though, you listen. I’m a winner.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “‘You’re a Failure’ and Other Reasons Your Parents Never Loved You” and “I Swear to God I’ll Kill the @%#$& Bastard Who Moved My Cheese!”
First…
Second……or does that make me ‘first loser’?
haha, dixie darlin’s a loser! 🙂
me, i’m a winner too. and so’s this editorial, it make-a me laugh.
A co-worker sent me this article this morning. Yes, unfortunately the co-worker is also the author of the article.
I sent him Frank’s editorial as my counter argument. Thank you Frank. You provide an invaluable service.
ROFLMPTO!!!!!! Frank J., you are my heeee-ro! Now I’ve got to go to the teacher’s lounge and get the coffee off my shirt.
Howlingly funny, sir.
Okay Gaskar,
I read some of your “friend’s” article, before I started dry heaving and had to close it.
I think the one thing most of these losers do not realize to this day is, so what if the popular vote sez different. The electorals have voted and that is that. They are constantly under the misnomer that we are a democracy. This is a Republic you whiners.
Let’s pretend those of us who are yelling; “dance!! DANCE!!” are the popular vote. And then let’s pretend Frank J. is the electoral system, and he has multiple personalities.
Even though the unanimous decision by the popular vote is calling for Frank to “dance!! DANCE!!”, the majority of the voice in his head are telling him; No, we’ll look like Boy George (without the makeup) with a katana, doing the Macarena.
So as you can see Frank’s voices are the actual one voting. Of course they should listen to the people. But unfortunately we can’t vote Frank’s voices out of office like we can our electorals.
Hate speech is a crime, loser speech should be, too. Maybe a misdemeanor.
Liberals (losers) always cheat and complain when they get caught that they’re not allowed to cheat. So when they lose fair and square they say we cheated.
They’ll cheat to prove it. We cannot let them get away with it.
Sticks are a good idea Frank. Never use a carrot with a stick, though. The liberals will think it’s a sex toy.
I’ve been telling liberals since last Wednesday that they need to be careful.
1) Republicans are in control of the government.
2) Therefore, talking bad about the Republicans government is talking bad about the government.
3) Talking bad about the government is sedition, a felony.
4) Felons don’t get to vote.
It’s fun to watch their faces go pale.
…cheese?
So hateful! So mean-spirited! So divisive!
Great work. 🙂
PS: Poosh, there’s a famous book called “Who Moved My Cheese?” Or maybe you already knew that and were looking for someone dumb like me to point it out so you could laugh at me.
I sure am glad that I wasn’t the @%#$& bastard that moved his cheese. phew.
Your cheese moved because it didn’t loved you anymore. Deal with it.
Your cheese didn’t move – the Der Grosse Propagadist ate it when you weren’t looking and blamed it on Bush……
You so craaaaazy!
If you ever run for office, you gonna have a lotta splainin to do.
moore took the cheese… what proof do i have?… look at him…
Who Moved My Chee-tos?
LibertyBob – RIGHT ON, DUDE! That was classic. You must be old enought o have not been in school when the NEA existed (see below)….
The air waves, and my local Borders coffee area are saturated with people talking about the evil, big business driven, Christian morals taking over event that just happened, like they are cattle cars driving thru neighborhoods picking up registered Democrats, to have them processed into little blocks of protien, to feed the winning Republicans.
You know what happened? Taking gym class out of schools, for fear of shower time wrecking someone’s self esteem for life, has caused a bunch of people to become voting age without any concept of sportsmanship. You play your hardest, you lose, you shake hands, you study what went wrong, then you modify your practice and look to the future.
Somehow that, with individual self-esteem in math class being more important than knowing whether the the program you just launched in your Mars inter-planetary probe had the units calculated in metric or english, we have gotten these whiny people, who demand to have their way, regardless of how idiotic it is.
Thank you NEA, for another way you have dumbed down our youth, to add to all the other moronic, irrelevant stuff you have shoved down their throats, at the expense of gaining real knowledge, because you are too lazy and all you want is to force their parents to drug them with psychotropic drugs, so they’ll be blissfully compliant in class and never challenege your outdated “wisdom” while in your midst!
AAAAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! (I feel better now).
As they complain, resting in the freedom of speech, they ignore their own basic freedom of that right, as if they are in some purple haze…..
I gotta go back to pretending i’m at work….
Hey, maybe we can use that winner stick to beat Arafat to death (that is if he’s not dead already! Sigh….just croak you old goat!!)
Goin’ out to find me a liberal wupass stick… Very funny stuff!!! Loved it! Keep up the great work! Couldn’t stop laughing!
Maybe your cheese is just not that into you…
HEAR HEAR!!! HEE HEE!! HOO HOO!!! HAA HAAA!!
The french eat cheese.
The french are losers.
You’re better off without the cheese.
So where can we purchase these ‘winner sticks’? Does Rightwing Stuff or ThoseShirts sell ‘winner’ sticks & rocks? They should have big ‘W”s on them, for Winner & George W. Bush.
Here are some places to get “Winner Sticks”
Winner Sticks
more Winner Sticks
even more Winner Sticks
Best of all
Yay, I already own a winner stick, plus it has a flashlight on the other end, so people don’t know it’s a winner stick until it’s too late…