Obama’s having trouble getting people to enter the contest to have him speak at their high school. Weird; I thought young people loved Obama. You know, because they’re stupid.
Still, maybe Obama could get more entries if there was more to win than hearing him give a speech for the millionth time. Here’s some ideas to offer the winning high school to sweeten the pot:
* Everyone gets a blank pardon.
* Get to play federal government for a day and given a billions dollars to spend like crazy.
* Exempted from Obamacare.
* Tests will now be graded on the same scale that gave Obama a B+.
* Everyone gets their picture with the president bowing to them.
* Obama will come dressed as Lady Gaga.
* Get to watch uncensored video of Biden trying to give an impromptu speech.
* Everyone gets to pick their own czar position.
* Exempt from ever listening to another Obama speech ever again.
* Two words: Dunk Tank!
If he still has some of that lingerie Meshell got him for their wedding night he could do a dance.
I would like to see him fly around the circus tent shooting peanuts out of his nose at clowns. ah, good times
Entering a contest to hear him speak is kind of like scrolling through movies listed in “On Demand” and seeing movies I can buy that I know are playing on regular cable. “Homey don’t play that”
no final exams
Immediate acceptance in fraternities
unemplayment benefits w/o the boring “employment first” hassle
couple him with a guest appearence by Justin Bieber
“* Tests will now be graded on the same scale that gave Obama a B+.”
So I should be lobbying for my daughter’s school to have him speak so her current 4.0 GPA would go up (acording to my Obama to reality formula) 4.6832 X 10^114? That should bring in the scholarship money!
Note: The final GPA may be off by a couple orders of magnitude, MS Excel has some issues with numbers large enough to translate an Obama B+ into real world terms. I kept getting floating point error warnings.
If only there was a school full of MSNBC commentators.
Son of Bob, there are schools like that, they”re called “pre-school”
“Barack Obama will help you pass the President’s Fitness Challenge by teaching you to whine and complain on a level unheard of by even liberals and Scotsmen!”
How about a game of Dodge Ball with The One? That would be F.U.N. Smack! You’re out, sucka.
There are 27,404 high schools that didn’t invite him, so my guess would be that more schools would invite him if he promised not to come.
He could threaten to send Hilary if they don’t invite them.
Or he could threaten to have Michelle review their school lunch program.
He could have Biden offer to guest teach a lesson in “pardon my French”.
He could offer to fill the school gym waist high with one dollar bills.
He could offer to bow to the school janitor.
He could offer to play a couple of rounds of dodge ball.
What, no Unicorns and Rainbows?
Or how ’bout ‘Money For Nuthin’ & Chicks For Free’?
“Monorails!”
If he would only promise to bring a dozen kegs……
I’m afraid that wouldn’t be enough for my plan. Unlike some sissy “conservatives” who are content to nuke the moon, my plan for world peace involves much more obscene expenditures that would get actual results.
Unfortunately, the Death Star might be a bit outside the federal government’s budget, at $15,960,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (excluding labor costs and equipment – not to mention the hypermatter reactor core).
But, hey, according to Obama, it would not add “one dime” to the deficit, while providing a crucial service.
Free Tiger Blood, and Adonis DNA for everyone!
He could say it’s actaully George W Bush that coming to speak.
In commiefornistan, he could offer to smoke “weed” with them.
He could dismiss them all before his speech
He could tell them its his resignation speech (He lies anyway, so whats one more?)
He could offer sepaku demonstration
I will watch the next Obama speech if he does it dressed as Lady Gaga. I’ll watch the next one after if he does it dressed as Cher. I’ll roll and laugh hysterically if he does it in the get up from the “Turn Back Time” video.
A Billion Dollars? Are you nuts? That’s like a Billion Dollars which to the Federal Government is like 5 cents to me! Actually it’s like me spitting on the sidewalk, and selling my spit! A Billion Dollars!!! C’mon man! If you want to start talking in terms of Trillions we might get interested. Then when you get to a Gob or a Pacel we are there!!! A Billion Dollars…that’s like pew pew pew…
All sporting events will end with the winning coach apologizing to the losing team.
Wrong answers will be a thing of the past in the Obama math program.
Most schools could use more foreign exchange students.
After he leaves, everyone has to ride the short bus!
He was at a school in Boston just today, the kids all wanted to meet the guy who signs their welfare checks.
“Obama will be speaking at a fundraiser dinner at the Museum of Fine Arts later tonight.” ($5000/person), maybe
that’s why schools don’t want him, even Boston teachers ($79,000/yr average) can’t afford that.
He could sweeten the pot with pot. I liked pot when I was in high school.
Pot might even make his speech entertaining.
I wonder if it would work on the State of the Union? too bad I had to grow up and get a job so I could pay for my neighbors house and healthcare.
“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.”
– G.K. Chesterton – ILN 7/16/10