Straight Line of the Day: Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…
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December 20th, 2012 at 12:04 pm
…it was deemed to be RACIST if they didn’t.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:05 pm
…He won.
…There wasn’t anyone in the GOP worth sucking up to.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:06 pm
…because, uh… .LOOK SQUIRREL!
December 20th, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Derp and Trollface already turned them down.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:10 pm
… After naming Hitler in `38, Stalin in `39 & `42, Khrushchev in `57, Khomeini in `79 and Putin in 2007 how could they not?
December 20th, 2012 at 12:20 pm
…the check just cleared.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:25 pm
In the end, there can be… Only one.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:29 pm
…because the Adolph Reed Jr. said in a NYT op-ed that Time needed a token black for Person Of the Year. (Actually he said “toking,” but…)
December 20th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
Karl Marx is dead.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
because the prophet Mohammed(PBUH!!!) has already been selected as Person of the Millenium.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:40 pm
because he warned them that they would be shut down by executive order if they didn’t.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:41 pm
…he gives them a thrill up their legs.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:51 pm
….because they figured out he wasn’t a mollusk
December 20th, 2012 at 12:52 pm
…because SHUTUP!
December 20th, 2012 at 12:53 pm
…because they’re saving Putin for Person of the Decade.
December 20th, 2012 at 12:54 pm
…they need a bailout.
December 20th, 2012 at 1:05 pm
…they are hell-bent on “fundamentally changing America.”
December 20th, 2012 at 1:15 pm
I thought Person of the Year was one of those Racist Dog Whistle words.
December 20th, 2012 at 1:32 pm
5.g says:
December 20th, 2012 at 12:10 pm
… After naming Hitler in `38, Stalin in `39 & `42, Khrushchev in `57, Khomeini in `79 and Putin in 2007 how could they not?
Dont forget Gorbachev as man of the decade-for the eighties!! I seem to remember a guy named Ronald Reagan winning the cold war but maybe I’ve got that backwards….
December 20th, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Because they could barely contain themselves from voting him Person of the Forever Every Single Gosh-darn Day!!!!!1!!!
December 20th, 2012 at 1:39 pm
…they found time in the Gulag less appealing
…they couldn’t think of anyone else who had done more for the cause of communism
…there are no other people. You sub-humans should have figured that out by now.
December 20th, 2012 at 1:41 pm
They felt threatened when Obama was talking about the Mayan calendar and mentioned something about the ‘End of Time.’
…because Biden’s mouth was already booked.
December 20th, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Because, they figured that with their solid track record of featuring well-established dictators, it was time to branch out into the “Dictator Wannabe” category.
December 20th, 2012 at 2:09 pm
…the world is ending dec 21 anyway.
December 20th, 2012 at 2:38 pm
…they asked Obama who would be the best person to pick.
December 20th, 2012 at 3:07 pm
…because The Year of Obama has replaced The Year of the Tiger in the Chinese calendar
December 20th, 2012 at 3:55 pm
what better way to mark the passing of the year in which the world ends than by honoring the world’s biggest failure?
December 20th, 2012 at 4:01 pm
. . . the rest of the candidates considered were Sandra Fluke, Christopher Stevens, Hillary Clinton, and Pee-Wee Herman.
December 20th, 2012 at 4:17 pm
… because it was the only way to get anyone talking about/paying attention to…. what’s the magazine called again?
December 20th, 2012 at 4:18 pm
Who or what is “Time Magazine?”
December 20th, 2012 at 4:22 pm
…they’re a bunch of left-wing, America hating communist dickweeds, and Obama is their god-king.
Oh, was this supposed to be funny instead of the truth? My bad.
December 20th, 2012 at 5:20 pm
“31 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…” Their first choice had been killed by Seal Team 6 at his compound.
December 20th, 2012 at 5:23 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because.
Just because.
Or BECAUSE THEY SAID SO!!!!
December 20th, 2012 at 5:26 pm
“Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…” he closed Gitmo, created a healthy job market, fixed the economy, restored pride in America…no, wait a minute…Well, he finally got above a 50% approval rating, didn’t he?
December 20th, 2012 at 5:30 pm
…no matter how many times he pees down their legs they always end up believing it’s raining pee.
…the dognapper’s note told them to.
…they had no money to pay a photographer to shoot the real winner so they just retitled their Worse Than Hitler issue.
…they got on the hipster irony bandwagon a little late, or created it, only time will tell.
December 20th, 2012 at 5:32 pm
Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…they thought this was the Year of the Dog in China.
December 20th, 2012 at 5:36 pm
…he can order a drone strike on any damn elementary school classroom he feels like and you can’t.
December 20th, 2012 at 5:40 pm
…”We don’t believe he is Jesus, just that he rose from the Dead Heads”.
December 20th, 2012 at 5:48 pm
Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…They figured they would sell a least a couple of hundred issues to Obama; So that he has a gift to give every head of state as he travels.
December 20th, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…We wanted to prove we are not racists, we do not judge people by the color of their skin…Although, he IS black, and that’s cool, dude.
December 20th, 2012 at 5:58 pm
Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…the editors are as clueless as Biden.
December 20th, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…they really LIKE free stuff !
December 20th, 2012 at 6:42 pm
They held an election among their own employees, and it was unanimous. Scurrilous lies to the contrary, there was no public threat of Layoffs for the dissenters.
December 20th, 2012 at 6:57 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…it was either that or go with Chupacabra.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:01 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…the editorial board was actually making a coy statement of its own impotence rather than the president’s competence.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:03 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…Richard Stengel cut its production budget, so they had to use the proofs from last year.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:06 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…Hugo Chavez didn’t die in time.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:08 pm
Because Beelzebub was unavailable.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:09 pm
After voting, it was discovered that every dissenter was not a Citizen under their rules.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:10 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…they couldn’t get North Korea’s King Tongmyong to sit still on his unicorn.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…it was only natural to choose an androgynous person to fit the magazine’s androgynous award.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:18 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…they felt the selection would elevate the magazine’s stature to that of the Nobel Prize, and they were right.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:34 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…they wanted to build on their legacy of picking communists, fascists, socialists and radicals such as as Joseph Stalin, Deng Xiaoping, Yuri Andropov, Ayatollah Khomeini, Nikita Krushchev, Charles de Gaulle, Adolf Hitler, and Pierre Laval.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:40 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…in the past they’d picked presidents and even the head of General Motors, but with this choice they got the president AND the head of GM.
December 20th, 2012 at 7:44 pm
Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…they believe Second Amendment rights include the right to buy targets in book stores and magazine stands, or even have them delivered by subscription to homes.
December 20th, 2012 at 10:07 pm
because obama told them to
December 20th, 2012 at 11:46 pm
No problem God is still Time’s deity of the year…once again.
December 21st, 2012 at 12:08 am
@57 – Sorry, zzyzx… Allah won for 2012.
December 21st, 2012 at 2:03 am
…the mess he’s going to inherit after he’s sworn in.
December 21st, 2012 at 4:36 am
Because Lenin, Hitler, Stalin and Mao only dreamed of destroying the United States.
Obama actually DID IT!
December 21st, 2012 at 10:24 am
because you’re a racist.
December 21st, 2012 at 7:57 pm
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