A FoxNews.com report talks about how many vegetarians are coming back to eating meat. That seems about right, because that whole vegetarian thing never made sense anyway. What’s the difference between a vegetarian burger and a regular beef burger? Both are just processed vegetables, the former had the processing done by machines and the latter done naturally by a cow. And which one tastes better? Nature’s way of course. When a cow eats vegetables, it has this almost magical ability to sort out only the tasty parts of vegetables and then repackage it in the form of yummy meat. But those nature-hating vegetarians think they can outdo God’s way and thus are arrogant and evil.

And what’s with this complaint about how animals are treated on farms? Vegetables are treated even worse; they’re kept in one place their entire lives and not allowed any mobility at all. And plants never try to harm people, while animals, on the other hand, can be mean. Once, my dog bit me; she didn’t even give a reason. That’s just how animals are. Not once, though, have I been attacked by a house plant. So, obviously, it is much more moral to kill animals than plants.