“The destruction may seems to have ceased now, but do not be fooled. This is just the eye of the storm, and soon the true carnage begins as we unleash our fury once more on the enemy, hunting them down and painting their wretched cities red with their blood.”
“So are you saying you have further plans for military action?” asked a reporter.
“Yes, you fool!” Rumsfeld shouted, “Your stupidity only increases my rage, rage which I will take out upon the children of lesser countries in your name.”
“What about setting up a new government in Iraq?”
“Nuke them! Let their new government be airborne ash. No mercy for our enemies!”
“Is that the current position of the administration?”
“I care not for their opinion!” Rumsfeld yelled, “Especially not of that whiny liberal Colin Powell.” He then said in a mock high pitch voice, “‘You can’t just indiscriminately kill everyone, Rumsfeld.'”
“Aren’t you afraid that this preemptive strike against Iraq has set a bad precedent?”
“No, it’s a good precedent. Now countries know that if we find them a threat that we will attack them.”
“And what countries do you find to be a threat?”
“Countries that are foreign.”
“But wait a second,” a reporter said snidely, “won’t…”
The reporter was cut short by the sound of Rumsfeld’s luger firing. “See, I knew his question was going to be asinine, so I shot him for it. Preemptive strike.”
“What do you think about the U.N. and Han Blix’s insistence that weapons inspectors be let back in Iraq?” asked a non-shot reporter.
Rumsfeld was just silent for a moment. Then his body started to shake as if the rage inside him was trying to escape in a huge explosion of carnage. Finally, he screamed “Rarr!” and the reporters fled as he charged forward.

“Goody goody!” Blix exclaimed, “I hope we can get the weapons inspectors back in Iraq and then I can eat more chocolates.”
“But what shall we do with the insolent Americans?” Kofi Anan asked. “I think we should ask the opinions of nations run by tyrannical dictators.”
“Kill the jews!” one diplomat shouted.
“That’s six votes for ‘kill the jews’,” Kofi said proudly, “I think we’re going to have a consensus!”
Suddenly a sound of “Rarr!” was heard as two U.N. security guards went flying through the air.
“Oh no!” Blix shrieked in terror, “It’s Rumsfeld.”
“Do as we all practiced and hide under your desks,” Kofi shouted.
Rumsfeld scanned the seemingly empty room, sniffing the air. “I know you’re here,” he said, “I can smell your fear.” Then, with each swing of his arm, he knocked a table out of the way.
Colin Powell came running in the room. “I’m glad I found you,” he said, “You forgot to take your pills to prevent your murderous rage.”
“This isn’t murderous rage!” Rumsfeld insisted, “It’s murderous clarity!”
Powell handed him his pills, and Rumsfeld grudgingly took them.
“Murderousness subsiding,” Rumsfeld uttered, “Now all I want to do is severely beat everyone here.”
He then spotted Blix and Kofi trying to escape. “Don’t hurt us!” they pleaded.
“No!” Rumsfeld slammed their heads together.
“See,” Powell said proudly, “Can’t we all be much happier after compromise?”
“I’m still planning to strangle you later,” Rumsfeld answered.
“Yeah… well… I’ll meet you back in D.C.,” Powell said, running off.