Part 1
“You gotta see this!” Rumsfeld exclaimed with a smile.
“What?” President Bush asked.
“Instead of just showing the dead bodies of Uday and Qusay, we came up with something more creative,” Condoleezza Rice said, turning on a TV and putting in a tape.
“We strung up those two bastards like marionette puppets and made them dance!” Rumsfeld laughed.
On screen were the two bullet riddled bodies of Uday and Qusay dancing. Bush began to shield his eyes. “This is the most disgusting, grotesque, vile thing I’ve ever…” He then started laughing. “Hey, Uday just hit Qusay!” he said excitedly, “Hit him again! Uh-oh; Qusay is fighting back!” He turned to Rice and Rumsfeld. “This is great. We should make a series.”
“Dancing dead Iraqis aside,” White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said, “What am I supposed to tell the press when they find out we only sent one Marine to Liberia?”
“I dunno, Ari; we didn’t want to send more until that goof Charles Taylor steps down,” Bush said, “Why are we even concerned about Liberia anyway? They don’t have oil.”
“I don’t think we want to say that,” Scott answered.
“Ari, you’ve really become more of a worry-wart since you grew hair,” Bush told him, “Why don’t you make up some other excuse for why we aren’t sending more troops such as that we hate black people.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Rice said.
“That’s for Ari to decide,” Bush assured her, “He’s the professional at this.” Bush then started laughing hysterically. “Hit him again, Uday! Hit him!”

Buck hid behind cover while Chomps stood near by, still wearing his blue helmet which made him the world’s angriest U.N. peacekeeper. They were being fired on by some people on the top story of a building and had Buck pinned down tight.
“I’m almost out of ammo,” Buck exclaimed, “I may have to use one of these AK-47’s from the for’ners I killed, and I hate AK-47’s.”
Chomps took an AK-47 in his mouth and snapped it in two. He also hated AK-47’s.
“I have an idea,” Buck told Chomps, “Maybe if you’re smart like Lassie, you could take a grenade and run it into the building where all the for’ners are. Then you can pull out the pin and run away.” He held out a grenade to Chomps. “Can you do that, boy?”
Chomps took the grenade and swallowed it.
“Oh, that ain’t good.”
Chomps started hacking and coughing.
“You better not explode on me,” Buck said, shielding his face.
Chomps then walked out of cover and hacked out the grenade with such force that it flew through the air and into the window of the building where their attackers were. It then exploded, taking out the top floor. Chomps then walked over to Buck and set a grenade pin in his hand.
“Wow!” Buck exclaimed, “That’s quite a trick. When we get back to the states, we’re going to have to have you do that on Letterman.”
Buck readied his weapon and continued down through the streets with Chomps following close behind. He soon spotted a woman ahead of him.
“Hmm, she don’t look so foreign,” Buck said, approaching cautiously.
It was Fox News reporter, Melinda Hawkish, standing outside a building. “What are you doing here?” Buck asked.
“Trying to out scoop Jennifer ‘look at me I’m so pretty and in dangerous places’ Eccleston by interviewing President Charles Taylor.”
“Won’t you need a cameraman?” Buck asked.
“Mine got kidnapped and now they’re asking for a ransom,” Melinda said with frustration, “All I really want to do is get a nice anchorwoman job. They once let me co-host on Fox and Friends, but, get in one fist fight with Susan Estridge, and suddenly you’re banned for life.” She fixed her blouse. “So, do you think this appropriate amount of cleavage to show for a serious news woman?”
“Uh… I guess,” Buck answered, “So is Charles Taylor in that building? I have a message for him.”
“Yeah, he’s locked in there.”
Buck walked over to the building. “President Charles Taylor, I have a message for you!” Buck called out, “It’s from General Abizaid.”
“What is it?” Taylor asked, peeking out a window.
“You’re an ass and you should get out of office!”
“I won’t leave until the Americans commit troops!” Taylor responded.
“Uh… well, I’m an American Marine.”
“Where are the rest of you?”
“Uh… I’m a fast runner… they’re just behind me.”
Taylor though about this. “Okay, I’ll leave office, but I first need to talk to a U.N. representative.”
Buck looked to Chomps and patted him on his blue helmet. “I guess that means you.”
Chomps ran forward and busted through the front door. Soon they could hear some screaming and then Taylor jumped out the window and ran off down the street. Now looking out the window was Chomps with a big slobbery smile.
“Good negotiating, Chomps,” Buck called out, “Ooh-rah!”
Melinda watched Taylor run like hell down the street. “There goes my interview,” she sighed.

Bush ran into Rumsfeld office. “UPN just offered to pay for thirteen episodes of The Uday & Qusay Show.”
“Okay,” Rumsfeld said, “but I need to keep creative control.”
A phone started ringing and Rumsfeld picked it up. “Who is this? …Buck? Buck who? …Oh, Buck the Marine. How are things going?”
“We got President Charles Taylor to resign, so I’m taking a break to enjoy some Liberian liquors with Melinda Hawkish,” Buck said.
“Okay, have a nice rest; you deserve it. Then I want you to head out to Congo and fix whatever is wrong there.”
“But I’m almost out of ammo and…”
“So how is Chomps?” Rumsfeld interrupted.
“He took a flight back to the states with some other people… I think to New York.”
“What? He’s all alone with strangers?”
“He seemed to know what he was doing.”

Chomps stood at the front of the main U.N. headquarter’s auditorium, wearing his blue helmet and looking at all the U.N. representatives with some confusion. Kofi Anan stood next to him.
“For negotiating a peaceful resignation of President Charles Taylor, we would like to award U.N. peacekeeper Chomps this medal,” Kofi Anan said, and then moved toward Chomps with the medal in hand.
Chomps took that as a threatening motion. And it made him angry. Now that he thought of it, all the people in this building made him angry for some reason. His eyes opened wide and were blood shot. He lips curled up revealing his jagged teeth. A growl started emanating from him, first low, then building in volume. Yes, the U.N. representatives made him angry. Very angry.
“Oh dear.”
THE END