There are just so many mindless, Bush-hating, terrorist-appeasing muckadoos out there, that it’s getting troublesome. Eric Alterman tried to explain how their calling Bush Hitler and complaining about people getting liberated is nice and reasonable (HipperCritical does a nice fisking), only showing how much of a muckadoo he is the process. So what do we do with these idiots who annoy us?
Mass slaughter you say?
No, though we can easily do that, we need to find solution more tolerant, such as showing them the errors of their ways. But how can we teach reason to those who will do all they can to resist it? People at the Democratic Underground will even censor anyone who goes against their tin foil hat nuttiness. They hate America and love evil dictators, and they don’t want people to try to tell them different. Thus forceful ways to take liberalism out of them is needed. Here are some ideas:
* Drug Therapy: Probably a dead-end in dealing with hippies since they already have so many drugs in their system that anything else probably won’t have much affect. We could try taking their drugs away and see what happens.
* Shock Therapy: Shock therapy works by shocking when bad behavior happens… or is it a shock through the brain to knock out bad thinking? Whatever it is, grab a taser and press it to the forehead of some muckadoo and see what happens.
* Carefully Explain the Errors in Their Logic: They think Bush is like Hitler, so show them the difference. Have them wear a sign in front of the Whitehouse saying, “I hate the government.” and then have them wear the same sign in some country like Syria. Maybe they’ll understand the difference in the moments before death.
Also, many think Bush is a chimp for some reason. They best way to show the difference is to shave a chimpanzee and put him in a suit so there is a stark comparison. The muckadoos will notice right away a number of differences, one being that the chimp can’t order its Secret Service to beat them.
On a side note, if they think Bush is like a chimp, why do they go through all the trouble of making an effigy to burn when they could just set a chimp on fire to protest? Stupid chimps.
* Fireside Chat: Maybe wacky liberals will be more receptive to reason if it’s given in a calm setting such as a fireside chat. If not, you can always stick their hands in the fire until they listen.
* Shock Therapy: Shock ’em! Shock ’em!
Did I already mention this one?
* Break Their Knee Caps: If you break someone’s knee caps, he’s much more likely to listen to reason. I don’t know how it works, but it works!
* Reason-Ray: I’ve been working on a new invention called the Reason-Ray that forcefully delivers reason to someone’s brain through inundating one’s head with special frequency rays. I tricked three hippies into being test subjects by giving them false promises of free pot, and the Reason-Ray in each case caused their heads to explode. Maybe I need to reduce the power so they don’t have such a strong, allergic reaction to reason. Or I could just remarket the ray as a long distance burrito mircrowaver.
I really think liberal extremists can be taught how dumb they are, but it will take persistence and violence. If not, we can just punch them in the face which will shut them up, that being the next best thing to them agreeing with you.
As always in such matters, I prefer Darwinism.
Let them march against the use of landmines in a place where it will do some good, mine field for example. The most idiotic of them will die off first.
Once the leaders are gone, it will be easier to deal with the less whacky.
Can we make sure Al Sharpton is at the front of the line?
Did someone say ‘free pot’? Woo-hooo!!!
Do they come when they hear “free pot” because they want marijuana without paying for it or because they think they are protesting the imprisonment of someone named “Pot”?
Hard to tell with those liberal types.
Maybe they just want a free pot. You know, because they’re too lazy to do the dishes.
Will the Reason-Ray penetrate tinfoil hats? You may have trouble with Dennis Kucinich if it doesn’t. Anyway, my favorite option is…
“* Shock Therapy: Shock ’em! Shock ’em!”
I don’t care if it works; I just want to shock me some muckadoos!
Don’t forget the cluebat (clue bat? clue-bat?)!! You can’t go wrong with the cluebat.
So, when we say Shock Therapy, are we talking megawatts here?
Damnit. I need more capacitors.
The clue-by-four (I don’t remember the HTML the little copyright sign thing) is always a good option.
True the clue-by-four is a good option, I see two problems. One, it may not be a final solution, and two, you have to let dirty,stinky hippies get close to you!
However I have a permanent solution. The M-clue40! Thats correct. An M-240 with the word clue painted on the side. Its a .308 clue dispenser, running at 600 clues per minute!
Such nasty, violent thoughts – can’t we just tell ’em that we’re a ‘movement’, or something? Careful studies have shown that liberal extremists love movements.
Hmmm… the 240 solution. Reminds me that I have to email my picture whearing the Nuke the moon shirt holding a M240G…..
The best solution I have heard is to sell the Bush haters into slavery. The Ivory Coast is in desperarte need of slaves to run the chocolate factories. The money earned can be used to pay down the federal debt.
Don’t worry about them escaping, the French army is there to ensure that will not happen.
I was hoping the “human shields” idea would have taken care of the most active parts of the problem. Alas! Someone forgot to send bales of free pot for the shields, and so they ran away when their brains cleared up enough to realise they might be in danger. 🙁 We need an investigation to find out who messed that up… who smoked and when did they smoke it?
Actually, I’ve found that, for installing clue, nothing works quite so well as a good talking-to from French-Man, the world’s most cowardly and annoying superhero:
http://radio.weblogs.com/0126975/2003/10/30.html#a799
The Reason-Ray generator device, is it for sale? If so we would like to buy it. It sounds like it has more promise than the acme devices that we have been employing.
Help us fight the mindless Bush-haters whp have begun trolling Blogs For Bush.
Damn you, Harvey, you beat me to it! Long Live French-Man!!
240G… I use a 240B, it has the rails, already fitted…
Hell, give me a 60, it will work in a pinch!
Honorary Jews are secret fascists!
Today, Meryl Yourish appointed Frank J. an “honorary Jew.” What Meryl doesn’t know is that Frank’s original post on dealing with Bush-haters, which led an e-mailer to accuse Frank of being a Jew, inspired left-wing blogger/journalist Dave Neiwert to op…
Wow.
This is scary. Try exchanging the word ‘Liberal’ for ‘jew’ or ‘homosexual’.
scary. And people say the left is uncivil.
Yeah….the left would NEVER stigmatize someone based on political philosophy, lifestyle or place of origin, now would they?
Yeah….the left would NEVER stigmatize someone based on political philosophy, lifestyle or place of origin, now would they?
There’s sort of a gap between “stigmatize” and “tell people to kneecap.”
Though perhaps you winger folk don’t believe in such hair-splitting sophistry.