STARRING
Tony Pentin as The Limey
Frank J. as American Frank
Created by Stupiud Bastrad Productions
Broadcast by the BBC
Logo by Tom Bux of The Nap Room
Previous Episodes:
Episode I: The Limey
Episode II: Return of The Limey
Episode III: The Red Letter
Note: To go with broadcast standards and make this appropriate for The Children™, all vulgarity has been dubbed over. f’ing has been replaced with “fantabulous” when it’s and adjective and “not at all” when it’s an adverb. The s-word has been replaced with “wisdom”. Finally, the p-word (rhymes with “stick”) has been replaced with “doo-doo head”.
In this episode, The Limey has failed now three times to enrage the ignorant backwoodsman, American Frank. Brimming with rage himself, The Limey now ups his ante even further in an attempt to anger his nemesis and prove him a fool. Bile in his throat, The Limey hastily taps at his keyboard his latest and most vile screed:
You really are starting to sound like a broken record, little man. Limey, limey, limey at the end of every fantabulous sentence, bomb, bomb, bomb, France, France, France – give it a fantabulous rest you bigotted nutcase! YOU PERSONALLY will never be the President – at least that’s something. I know this upsets you.
Your sarcasm is terrible by the way. London – bit of a stereotype when you Americans think of England and that’s the city that you chose to say I’m from. Nothing’s changed there then. And I’m not from London. Or should that be LONDON, ENGLAND. Your filmakers always have to point out the country that the city is in don’t they! Like Venice, ITALY and Moscow, RUSSIA. Edinburgh, SCOTLAND. And you know why? BECAUSE THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS ARE IGNORANT BASTARDS!
Seeing as you want to talk about history here’s one of those classic September 11th jokes for you…
Rudy Guiliani and George W. Bush are standing at ground zero after the towers had come down. A man from Grimsby walks over to them.
“Terrible this isn’t it!” says the man.
“Yeah, tell me…I don’t recognise your accent, son, you’re definitely not from Texas. Where are you from?” asks redneck George.
“Ah, Grimsby.”
“Grimsby?! I never heard of that. What state’s that in?” asks the backwoodsman.
‘Same state as this!”
Did that hit a nerve? Well, one things for certain those towers certainly got hit!BOOOOOOM!
So did your soldiers in 1970’s Vietnam. You remember Vietnam? That war where you got hammered?
Hopefully sooner rather than later ETA (left-wing terrorist group in Spain that have been battling for independence since the days of your mate, Franco) will murder the Spanish Conservative government, and the IRA (another left-wing terrorist group) will butcher Blair and the Armed Revolutionary Forces of Colombia (FARC) – a socialist terrorist group will overthrow the fascist regime in Colombia and install democracy!!!!!
Great to see left-wing terrorists murdering right-wing politicians! Brilliant! We’re fighting….and we’ll win!
LOL!
You also mentioned or should that be dictated that you don’t look at maps much…oh I’d never of known that would I? You’re completely ignorant.
I see you looked up the word “Parody” in the dictionary – hope it was an Oxford Concise Dictionary – you know Oxford in south England – that city where that doo-doo head Clinton was educated!
I didn’t bother looking at your fascist links to werismyki and jabberwocky. Your latest email was enough fascism for a lifetime!
All four members of Rage Against the Machine are from America – that country that you’re from. So I don’t know how you can say that it’s foreigners who have the problem with America, when these men represented the views of most Americans. But you’re completely not at all stupid so I guess that’s why you say that usual wisdom!
Did you like my September 11th joke? The whole world did!
Now we go the backwoods abode of American Frank, as he receives the e-mail through his crude RJ-45 cable made of twine. Seeing himself insulted so and the belittling of terrorist attacks on his country, will this simple creature be able to respond with nothing but unbridled rage? Will The Limey finally succeed in causing a psychotic break down in American Frank? Watch now as he responds, typing out his reply on his keyboard whittled from the limb of a sycamore tree:
Hey! It’s my limey pen pal! How’s your limey friends? I’ve been having a great time here in America. I went shooting – which is fun – and then I laughed at the poor people I saw on my HDTV. HD means extra clarity and extra hilarity!
I’m sorry to say limey so much, but I’ve never had a limey friend like you! You’re so cool and teach me so many new things! And I like bombs because the explosions are cool! I like it when we bomb poor countries, because then it’s both funny and cool! Especially watching it all on my HDTV.
I don’t like talking about France, limey, so I’ll stop mentioning them. I really hate them and hope we can wipe out that subhuman race and never talk about them again.
I never thought of being president. It doesn’t pay that well, so I think I’ll take your advice and not go for it. I want to be a rich man and then pull the strings of politicians using all my money. That’ll be lots of fun! Any laws you want me to pass when I’m rich and powerful, limey? What do limeys like to do anyway?
Wow! That’s a lot of cities from other countries! How many other countries are there? I once thought Europe was just one country, but then I found it’s a bunch of wacky smaller countries. That’s silly. But it’s nice that they try and make cities for themselves. How many mud-huts do you have to have to be declared a city, limey?
I’m sorry, limey, but I didn’t understand your joke. What’s a Grimsby? I guess you need work at joke telling, limey. Want to here one of my jokes?
A monkey walked into a bar. The bartender said, “What are you doing in here, you monkey?”
And the monkey said, “Well, I’m…”
And then the monkey stopped talking because his head was blown off since the bartender shot the monkey with a shotgun since monkeys aren’t supposed to be in bars.
Hee hee. Wasn’t that funny? It had a monkey and a bar; that’s what jokes are supposed to have, limey.
Yeah, that was terrible what happened on September 11th. Thanks for trying to lighten my mood with a joke, limey; that was nice of you. Luckily, all the people who died in 9/11 went to America Heaven, the best part of Heaven since Americans are God’s chosen people. And they get to look down and foreigner hell and laugh at all the evil terrorists we killed since 9/11. Foreigner hell is a terrible place where they don’t get to have any of America’s cultural influence and thus have to make do with their own bankrupt culture. That’s more horrible than I can imagine!
Do you know that some of those people nicknamed God “Allah”? I don’t know if God likes being called nicknames, limey. If he does, I’d called him Mr. Big.
Yeah, Vietnam was trouble, limey. My dad fought in that war and he always said to me, “Now, boy, don’t you worry none ’bout no Vietnam. We killed us plenty o’ Commies, and we woulda killed ’em all if it weren’t for them damn hippies. Now promise me, boy… promise me you’ll punch a hippy anytime you see one.”
And always, “I promise, pa. I won’t let you down.”
And I’ve kept my promise. My dad is a smart man. Do you have smart people where you live in London, limey?
Wow! I didn’t know all those governments were going to be overthrown. Thanks for telling me, limey. I guess it doesn’t affect me much, since it’s all other countries. Poor Tony Blair, though; I hope they kill him quick. He seems like a nice guy, though I thought he seemed a bit gay. Ends up he’s just British.
Oh, and you might want to be careful about that murdering, limey my pal. Most religious people look down on that sort of thing, and isn’t there a National Church of Limeys where you are? You might to check with them before you go murdering.
Yeah, I don’t like maps, limey. They’re boring and full of weird words. I like treasure maps, though! If you have a treasure map, I’ll look at that.
And please don’t make fun of our bloated, lecherous, hillbilly president Clinton; American presidents are only for American to make fun of, limey. It’s not right for other countries to have opinions about us; we’re too big and important.
Ha! Almost tricked you into reading the fascist Jabberwocky poem, but you were too smart for me. It would have fascistized you in a second if you did. Actually the Jabberwocky is a huge symbol of fascism, used by the most fascist dictator of all, Fascist McFascist, ruler of Fascistan. The tales tell that he ruled his country with an iron fist, having many great apricot trees and keeping them all for himself. The poor people of Fascistan would plead, “Please gives us some apricots!” But Fascist McFascist would yell, “No!” and then send his guards to beat the poor people.
One day, though, Fascist McFascist found that all the apricots in Facistan were gone! So he went looking for them. First he questioned the sheep. “Did you take my apricots?”
“Baaa! No!” answered the sheep, but Fascist McFascist had them beaten anyway.
Next he questioned the field mice. “Did you take my apricots?”
“Squeak! Squeak! No!” said the field mice, but Fascist McFascist had them beaten anyway.
Then he went to question the cows, but, before he got there, he found that all the apricots with the United States Marine Corp, who then proceeded to shoot Fascist McFascist with their M-16’s until all their magazines were empty. Then they traded the apricots for beer.
The moral of the story is that the only way to stop fascism is through an informed populace and well-armed United States Marines… but mainly just the Marines.
Hoped you liked my story, limey. Anyway, I’ll have to listen to more of this Rage Against the Contraption music you talk about instead of just my country music and Christian rock (yay Jesus!). If they represent the views of most Americans, then I better listen up. Do you know if they prefer Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese Doritos? I always suspected one was fascist, but I can’t figure out which, limey!
Well, like I said before, I didn’t understand your joke, but I’m glad the rest of the world finds it funny. Living in squalor and filth and having no HDTV’s, they must be in pretty sore moods most of the time. Maybe I should send them a big box of puppets to cheer them up. Or I could just laugh at them. Foreign people are funny.
Hope to hear back from you soon, limey! Don’t go too crazy with the murdering.
Cordially,
American Frank
P.S. Actually, how are the leftists in other countries going to murder those they disagree with? I thought you couldn’t have guns in all those countries in Europe. Here in America, the left just don’t have guns because their pansies. Actually, just us right-wingers have guns. Come to think of it, we could easily all go on a murder-spree killing all the leftists here in the State and in Canada and in Europe with little resistance at all. Hmm… something to consider next time ammo is on sale.
Wanker.
Who will cave in first? Will American Frank respond with the unbridled rage The Limey so desires, or will The Limey finally get a clue? To find out, tune in to the next episode of…
THE LIMEY!
wow…the limey keeps coming back
See Frnak, The Limey told a joke he knew would go right over your simplsme ‘Murican mind, just to prove how superior he is!
Yeah, I didn’t get it either.
Keep up the excellent writing! It is to your credit how you are ‘educating’: I don’t think I could be as funny without blowing my top halfway through the first half.
Have you thought of putting these ‘dialogues into some form of book? Your writing has a P.J. O’Rourke quality. I’d certainly buy one!
Ask him what happened to the HMS Hood. That might piss em off!!
ooh, me too! i want all of the Limey’s emails in hardcover. one can never have too many coffee-table joke books.
This just keeps getting better and better. Don’t get pissed, just keep stringin’ the limey along for our continued pleasure. I’m not sure he will ever understand what a tool he really is…
It’s a crime that you haven’t won a Pulitzer.
A “Grimsby” is a town like Cleveland. Only poorer, more badly polluted, colder and permanently stinking of fish (despite the fact that no-one lands any fish there anymore).
ooo, oooo, ooooo, don’t forget to make fun of him for eating Fish ‘N’ Chips, and for having a Queen, and for driving on the wrong side of the road.
Y’know that this is going to end abruptly when the Limey’s mother (or mum as they like to call them) finds out what her little tosser’s been upto don’t you?
I prefer bubbles and squeak instead of bangers and mash, but fish n chips is nice too.
OK Frank! ‘fess up! No one, and I mean no one who is not registered at the DU can be this clueless. You’ve been writing both parts just like Ender Wiggin’s brother haven’t you?!?!?
That is much better than anything on the BBC. In fact, you should mock him for paying the BBC license fee ($200+ per year), while you get to watch free HDTV.
Thanks Simon,
I still don’t get the joke.
I almost thought that was the joke, that he had wised up. But then I got to the next sentence.
I wonder if The Limey is reading the site and watching this.
Hi Limey!
Speaking of local terrorists rebelling against their evil gov’t, I just saw a report on (gasp) Foxnews that there was a bombing threat going on in France. Some local terrorists with local grievances planted a bomb the cops were meant to find and warned of lots more.
Crapola….I have to agree with the guy…Bill Clinton is indeed a doo-doo head. But, I didn’t get the joke either.
Way to pour it on, Frank!
Frank- tell us the truth- you are playing both sides of this conversation between you and the limey (you shouldn’t capitalize his name, because he might get a swelled head, and become full of himself).
The material he send you is just too good to believe!!
LOL
PS- I wrote this before I read Former Hostage- I came up with it independently– really, I swear!!
This guy keeps coming… he’s not even funny or hateful… 🙁
nah, Frank can’t be playing the Limey because Americans don’t joke about 9/11 – not even bad incomprehensable jokes, its just not done.
Frank,
find out where he lives, give the address to me, and I will fly over there and kill him myself.
Never, ever make fun of 9/11
Frank, I love the image, but I’m afraid you can’t have seen the actual movie The Limey. You see, in the movie, the character who is The Limey, is one of us.
His daughter has disappeared, and he’s out to find out what happened to her, I think in Hollywood. He’s just gotten out of prison, and goes on a rampage, basically, killing every bad guy he runs into. If you haven’t seen it, you really should.
England has another city besides London? Why?
Frank,
Though I always enjoy a rousing round of Limey baiting, I think that with this moron you’re approaching the “pissing in the wind” stage. He is so freakin’ limited in his intelligence, education, and world view that he doesn’t understand simple things like oh, America and the world are so damn big that there are actually places named Venice, Edinburgh, Paris, London, and Moscow in our little US of A!
And, it never ceases to amaze me that when the envy of these knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing bedwetters about countries and political systems they don’t understand reaches critical mass, they label it all as “fascism.” Capitalism does not automatically equivocate.
Lastly, the dumb-ass ronin is too ignorant to realize that you are referring him to Lewis Carroll, an esteemed author and mathematician from his own country. However, Carroll at least has the decency to be dead, adding credence to the saying that the only good limey is a dead limey.
He actually thinks that you’ll take offense to insulting former pres. clinton! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! He cannot differentiate between your obvious conservative blog and liberal ideology.
Yes, Vietnam didn’t go according to plan, but those fags Kennedy and LBJ hamstrung our boys. He knows nothing about anything.
He’s not even in your league, so don’t waste your time.
I suggest asking the Limey why Limeys claim to be governed by a “Queen.”
Sure, Tony Blair might be gay, but that’s no reason to call him names.
And I still think you should make fun of him for that “World Cup” post, as I said on #1288.
Frank, I think you really should send The Limey’s emails to E. Harrington. The guys is seriously wacked-out and needs to amatuer diagnosis. Plus, there has to be serious potential for humoerous irony if Limey and EH correspond. You know, the sort of ironic humor which occurs when Political Corrects runs head-first into Political Correctness. Except this time it will be Frank-hating insanity colliding with Frank-Hating insanity.
BTW, this is more typical of British humour:
http://www.vodkapundit.com/archives/005411.php#005411
(found via Right Wing News)
“Poor Tony Blair, though; I hope they kill him quick. He seems like a nice guy, though I thought he seemed a bit gay. Ends up he’s just British.
”
Oh mans! Lost my diet pepsi there. LOL.
He’s rubbing our face in 9/11.
I am going to kill that son of a bitch.
Either quit giving him publication or verbally bust his face in. Or legally. You’ve got until the weekend to do it, though. He won’t reply after that.
Here in Ontario we are always careful to say “London ENGLAND” too, because otherwise it might be confused with “London Ontario”. There’s even a river Thames around there somewhere…
… I have a “friend” who thinks like this Limey.
Yeah, only someone from a dismally small place wouldn’t realize that you have to be more specific that the simple name of a city, especially when you’re speaking to an international group. Heck there are at least a dozen “London’s” in the US alone, I doubt any of us who live in the US live anymore than 500 miles from a city called “London” or “Paris”!
Damn his impudence! He’s giving all us good upstanding gentleman Brits a bad name! I shall have him blackballed from any clubs he’s in and challenge the bloody cad to a duel…in which I’ll blackball him in an entirely different sense for that “joke” about 9/11!
The whole 9/11 and support of these left-wing terrorist organizations is ****ed up.
I support freedom of speech, but I’m just glad this is done over the internet, if I would have heard this guy say this kinda crap in person, I would probably be looking for my tire iron.
Dan…. I’ll come with you.
“Fascist McFascist” !!!!!!!!!!!!! falls out of chair
Long live the Limey!
Is it me, or does The Limey seem like an un-breastfed, constipated, willy wankolatta who hasn’t seen the light of day since his mum threw away the keys to his 4′ by 4′ cell. Only his subscription to national geographic must keep the great aggitation called the Limey from exploding with “frustration”, busting out of his cell, killing and ****** his mum, buying a plane ticket (on priceline)to the U.S., and becoming the next Theodore Kazinski sending farting E-mails to former presidents, porn starlets, Gary Coleman, Haiti, and those he sees who don’t stop to give the poor their hard earned lifesavings. I think that he would be happier here, and would get a better education than what he gets from the magazines and scraps of paper slipped through the bars of his cell. (but I don’t want that ignoramous on our soil, unless his arse is scewered on the end of a bayonet.)
You might want to point out that without the US, he’d never know important things like Mars once had water. If it had water, then maybe it had beer too.
Also, please ask him why the US has to supply ALL the SuperHeros while the best the UK can do is leprechauns – which act like they’re French because you can’t trust them to do good.
I’d love to find this Limey in person… but not to throttle him (That’d be like smackin’ a Special Olympian). I’d just like to stand near and hear the gaint ‘whooshing’ sound whenever he opens a Frank J. email.
And I hope he like the suicide bomber I sent to his house, where ever he lives.
Im did a double take and shook my head in disbelief. How someone can crack a joke about so many people dying… I just cant comprehend. If I had heard it in person, no matter who it be, I would be on them in a matter of seconds.
And I hope he like the suicide bomber I sent to his house, where ever he lives.
And I hope he like the suicide bomber I sent to his house, where ever he lives.
Sorry about the damned repeating posts
I’d be more offended by the joke if I understood it.
I drink to a toast to my friends for longevity and prospeity. I drink to a toast for those I haven’t met, that I meet them in good health and in good humor. I drink to a toast to my enemies, that they prosper in good fotune so I may never have to see them around me any more. I drink to a toast to Osama that his cave creaks before it collapses on his head. And I drink to a toast to The Limey that he wakes up right next to bin ladin on that day.
Hip Hip Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By the way, kudos on the movie cover. It was a VERY nice touch.
frank j you the man.funniest stuff i’v heard in a long time!!! thanks,
Frank:
Please feel free to use either of, or ignore completely, either of the following.
1) Colorful Metaphor Substitution
Try using ‘Fantastic!’ for ‘BS!’. A Navy (US) Chief had me do this at an officer’s conference and we were shooting snot out of our noses trying not to laugh.
2) Monkey Joke
Q. Why did the monkee fall out of the tree?
A. ‘Cause he was DEAD!
Although, maybe placing the tree in Grimsby might help this limey person appreciate it more.
Grimsby.
Fat Northern Bastard is what the Limey is.
Here’s something from his homeland you can use. It’s from a song from The Smiths (lead singer both British AND gay):
We hate it when our friends become successful
And if they’re Northern, that makes it even worse
And if we can destroy them
You bet your life we will
Destroy them
If we can hurt them
Well, we may as well …
It’s really laughable
Ha, ha, ha …
It is so nice that the mind (and I use that term loosely) that is the driving force behind the Limey has the cahones to pass off such tasteless jokes behind the anonimity and safety of his computer screen, it is just too bad that he is simply too cowardly to tell even his first name.
More fuel for Frank J’s fire
(these are just random sputterings)
Blood Sausage
Bollocks
‘Ello Governa
Chimney sweeps
No dentists with a degree above BA/S
Crumpets
Bloody ‘ell
The limey lost the usual lefty entertainment value with the 9/11 taunts. Don’t play with this goblin anymore, just tear him a new asshole and be done with him.
Frank,
The joke itself didn’t piss me off. To me that was more Limey Garble, and as it were no one should actually understand it…
What pisses me off is what he says after it:
“Did that hit a nerve? Well, one things for certain those towers certainly got hit!BOOOOOOM!”
What f***ing nerve. My 12 gauge shotgun would look pretty splattering his brains against the walls of his one room studio in London.
Screw you Limey, and your damn French Fries and Mayo.
Phil…YOU LIE YOU THEIVIN’ BATSRAD!
Jane…of course there are people who can make fun of 911. Terrorists, Liberals, Europeans, panty-waist Limeys. The only caveat is that they can only do so from the protection of their borders, in-bred literary societies, PAC meetings, Faculty lounge or through the anonymity of the internet. Otherwise they run the risk of being near a right thinking, caring, honest, person who’d not hesitate to whack the crap outta them!
Limey walks up to the top floor of a 3 story bar. He sees, sitting at the bar, a man w/ 10 shots lined up in front of him, slowly nursing a bottle of beer. The Limey sits down next to this man, wondering, what’s up w/ this guy, he must be an American. The man suddenly sits up, slams all 10 shots and runs to the window and jumps out.
The Limey is stunned. He doesn’t know what to think (as usual), so he only assumes that it was an American. A minute later, the man returnsto his seat, orders anouther round and begins to nurse on his bottle of beer. The Limey is dumbfounded. 10 minutes later the man slams all 10 shot and repeats the process. The Limey is astounded by this whole spectacle, especially when the man returns a minute later, ordering anouther round. 10 minutes later the man slams his shots and runs to the window and jumps out again. This time, the Limey is too caught up in the moment to care, slams his drink and follows the man out the window.
A minute later the man returns, only tobe chastized by the bartender, “Damn it Superman, will you stop messing w/ my customers!”
A side note to this joke. A minute later Superman strolls up to the window and says, “Got em! Of course I am an American!”
Ahem…Phil and Jane got me so worked up I failed to identify my rant. So sorry old chap. I’m off to take my meds now (mmmmmmm, Prozac and beer).
Of course there are other towns in england. The only one that comes to mind is Nottingham, where Robin Hood comes from. You have to remember the origins of one of the earliest communist revolutionaries.
Come to thik of it, I believe there is a place called North Wankershire. It’s probably this particular limey’s hometown.
“Luckily, all the people who died in 9/11 went to America Heaven, the best part of Heaven since Americans are God’s chosen people. And they get to look down and foreigner hell and laugh at all the evil terrorists we killed since 9/11. Foreigner hell is a terrible place where they don’t get to have any of America’s cultural influence and thus have to make do with their own bankrupt culture.”
America Heaven? Foreigner hell? OMG LMFAO
Frank you leave me in awe!
And I am sure that they prefer cool ranch Doritos
Sounds like the Limey is living on Wheatabix, jelly babies and jaffa cakes.
Sheesh.
MonkeyPants
Imperial Minion
??SCALLYWAG OR SCALAWAG??
…scurryvaig may have originated in Latin scurra vagus, a wandering fool (scurra is also the source of our scurrilous).
Its abbreviation, scally, is widely known in the north-west of England, especially around Liverpool, for a roguish self-assured young person–typically male–who is boisterous, disruptive, or irresponsible.
Either way, this limey is nuts. BUT Frank J is hilarious! Thanks for the laughing o’tummy pains :-0
New: buy your own fake limey on ebay!
Fake limey for sale
Fascist McFascist… too funny!
I agree with Brian. The movie ‘The Limey’ is a kickass flick. If the guy from that movie ever heard that this little tosser was lowering the stock on that term, he’d murderlize him.
The real Limey was a man…I’m not convinced this one is even out of puberty, or if she is, she’s got serious problems.
Anyone remember what happened in England a few months ago? Lots of people died, and they said it was because it was COLDER THAN NORMAL. Cold doesn’t kill people, hypothermia does. Hypothermia is easily treated if your country DOESN’T HAVE SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE.
Limeys.
WHy does everyone want to kill the Limey? Come on, then, if we kill him, we’ll have to find another deluded, ignorant, haughty, weak-minded for’ner to send hate mail. It took Frank how log to find this one? If we could get a French dude, though, that would be more than worth it.
Could the Limey please post his address. I’m going with Dan to England and fall on him like a ton of bricks.
Never a joke about 9/11. Ever!
i can’t believe this guy takes himself seriously and to joke about 9/11. this guy has no respect for the dead.
f’in limey
“Jane…of course there are people who can make fun of 911. Terrorists, Liberals, Europeans, panty-waist Limeys. The only caveat is that they can only do so from the protection of their borders, in-bred literary societies, PAC meetings, Faculty lounge or through the anonymity of the internet.” But they don’t qualify as Amerericans in the accurate sense of the word. Luv ya, Former Hostage (mean it).
Rudy Guiliani and George W. Bush are standing at ground zero after the towers had come down. A man from Grimsby walks over to them.
“Terrible this isn’t it!” says the man.
“Yeah, tell me…I don’t recognise your accent, son, you’re definitely not from Texas. Where are you from?” asks redneck George.
“Ah, Grimsby.”
“Grimsby?! I never heard of that. What state’s that in?” asks the backwoodsman.
‘Same state as this!”
I’ll never understand foreign humor… That doesn’t strike a nerve, its not even funny! I don’t know how the whole world could find it funny…. Crazy limeys.
What a fool….heh Frank I think you may be cracking….not siding with the limey, but I noticed several mispelled works and typos….take a deep breath and relax when making other people look stupid.
Crikey! The Limey Strikes Back!
Oh goody! Frank J., the man of IMAO, brings us more rants from “The Limey” (the English guy who keeps sending him vulgar, senseless hate mail). What better way to deal with hate mail than to turn the hate into…
Wow… this guy is too good good to be real. And I hate that I’m an american that doesn’t know the name of every obsucre location on earth… I guess I’m that Ignortant… eh? Rolls Eyes
If I didn’t already hate foreign people, the insensitive f***er’s joke would have made me mad.
But since I already hate foreign people, no harm done. Oh and our military that got “hammered” in the Vietnam could still whip damn near anyone now.
I can’t wait to see this guy in Hell. He’s goin down in gasoline soaked bluejeans, and when he gets there, his ass is mine.
That guy is a wanker. I don’t like to correct grammar but I think I should say at least something. This limey guy used the word “of” instead of “have”. Its really a simple thing to correct, but it has been proven that people who make this mistake likely have little education coupled with a significantly low intelligence quotient. Many times people speak quickly, and the instead of saying “could have”, “should have”, etc, what they say sounds like “could of”, etc. Anyways, most people recognize that just because when you talk fast this term sounds like “of” that doesn’t make it so. Anyways, I just wanted to mention this little issue. That and this limey character is an ignorant degenerate scumbag who deserves to live eternally in the burining fire of hell.
As a proud subject of the Queen I can only say I am sorry this shit heel has not been executed. Many British also died in the twin-towers attacks and thus this fool insults the dead from both our countries.
I’m with Dan as well. Hey, if we book our fights together we can probably get a discount rate, especially considering the good work we’re going too be doing while away.
If you guys will swing by france, I’ll go along..I figure about 5 of us should be able to take the country, and turn it in to a big prison for ass-hats, terrorists, liberals, etc…whatta-ya-say Frank?
What is this guy drinking??!!! Whatever it is I hope he passes it to me… might be interesting.
Didn
t Rage Against the Machine denounce their liberal utopian ideals and embrace capitalism?s estimated that about 5 million Vietnamese were killed compared to 58,000 Amreicans. An 86 to 1 kill ratio doesnYeah!! They spent all their money on south american K-Mart sweat shops and Microsoft stocks.
Vietnam: It
t sound like a beating to me, but Im an American, not a Limey so what do I know?I know that Birmingham is an English city but only because Ozzy is from there.
If I were the Limey I would probably be bitter too if for 364 days out of the year it rained.
I
d also be mad because I was a Limey and not an American. Id be mad because the sun never shines. Id be mad because Phrance ( a WHOLE country of Phrench creatures ) was only 20 MILES away. Thats miles, not kilometers. Who invented that useless measuring system anyway?Sarah G. I like the way you think.
Blog Wars: Attack Of The Drones
NEWS FLASH! Frank J at IMAO is under attack by “The Limey”. A Brit Loon has decided to go after the Blogoshpere’s FunnyMan. Hilarity ensues as Frank unleashes everything but the Ninja Swords. Now, normally I don’t have a problem…
Why is Rudy Gulliani in that joke? He doesn’t say or do anything. It’s like he started to tell another joke then forgot the punchline, so he made up another one.
Hey, you got him to spell BASTARD correctly. Shoot, I thought it was one of those English English things, like “theatre” or “colour”. Who knew?
You can’t buy this kind of entertainment! Keep it up!
An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Limeys walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman… The first man says, “Watch this…” He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, “Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot.” The Irishman just replies, “Oh, is that so now?” The Limey goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, “Here, lemme try that.” So he goes over to the Irishman and says, “Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!” The Irishman only replies, “Oh, is that so now?” So the Limey, frustrated, goes and sits down with his friends. When the 3rd Limey jumps up and says, “Well, now, I gotta try that!” So he walks over to the Irishman and says, “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!” And the Irishman replies, “Aye, that’s what your friends were sayin.”
Top shelf Frank. Hey! What about a ‘Respond to the Boody Limey’ contest? Just a thought. Seriously though, top shelf.
Ok… This is pure Genius Frank. Sometimes when I lie in bed at night spanking my monkey, it gives me extra pleasure to pretend I am as smart and funny as you. Then I put my monkey back in his electrified cage and dream sweet dreams of guns and conservative babes.
Hey, if you decide to talk about the whole Limeland being ruled by a Queen, you should maybe ask him whether people have been taking it less seriously ever since Freddy Mercury died.
D’oh. Can’t even spell Marine Corps right.
hey frank been a long time reader of youre site it is truly funny….however this limey asshole crossed the line by making that joke about 9/11 and I had to respond. If that bastard finds a tragedy like that funny I hope he’s reading:
Hey you snaggle-toothed bastard. I thought it was just as funny when your great great great grandpa got shot in the face by an AMERICAN sharpshooter duing the Revolution, too bad we didn’t manage to do it before the geezer bumped uglies with your great great great grandma otherwise we would have rid the world of scum like you….ha ha I hope you slip and drop in the Thames and drown a horrible fog-filled death
Should anyone point out to the limey that the IRA is actually an extreme-right terrorist group?
Logic and facts…. the only thing that can destroy the socialist bubble.
And Willy, nobody can ‘drown’ in the Thames…
They die from the raw sewage long before actual drowning can occur.
HOLY SHIT, that was absolutely hilarious!
I almost choked on my popcorn.
Facist Mcfacist, is he related to Ronald McDonald?
But why the hell did you choose apricots? Wouldn’t kiwis have been funnier?
Limeyboy has to be one of the funniest and yet most frightening things on the Internet. That anyone would try to keep an argument this pointless (and cleverly engineered by the way. Way to go Frank!), thinking that the other guy is actually serious and not just being semisarcastic to entertain himself and his readers, makes me think that this guy’s intelligence is equal to that of a discharged car battery. How many people want to bet that this guy keeps sending hate mail to Frank J until the 2004 elections come around?
Frank, you need to cash in on this limey franchise. But your names for sequels suck! How about Peter Jackson directing this trilogy: “The Fellowship of the Limey,” “The Two Limeys” and “The Return of the Limey?” No, no, a spaghetti western. It would be American and European all at once: “A Fistful of Limeys,” “A Few Limeys More,” and “The Good, the Bad and the Limey.” Nah, limey only likes commie directors. Hey, I betcha fat-ass Michael Moore would be a cinch: “Me and Limey,” “Dude, Where’s my Limey,” and “Bowling for Limey.”
Frank, As long as you brought up heaven and hell, do you know what’s the difference between Euro-Heaven and Euro-Hell? Euro-Heaven: The Limeys are the Policmen, the Germans are the politicians, and the French are the cooks. In Euro-Hell: the Limeys are the cooks, the Germans are the policemen and the French are the politicians……
Um… FARC is going to set-up a Democratic Government? The same Communist Terrorists that fund themselves buy controling the Columbian Drug trade as well as the whole Kidnapping everyone that even seems like they might have five bucks on them and selling them back, or just shooting them.. the same people that kill mayors in Columbia… the elected mayors…. because they try and oppose FARC….
FARC… the Democratic Choice…
Lets cut a deal with the limey: He won’t mention 9-11 and we won’t remind him of the limey ass-beating in Yorktown in 1781, the limey rout in New Orleans in 1815 or the gutstomp of all of limeyland by the french (the french?!) in 1066.
Apricots are funnier than kiwis.
Oh, god. Frank, i beg you…give me this guys e-mail… I swear i wouldnt harass him.
Id leave that for all the people who read my website…
Please frank, please?
TheGunsofNevada: i think frank even posted the limey’s name earlier, but i can’t find it now. so, either i dreamt that frank mentioned the limey’s name, or frank created a memory hole.
Rage Against the Machine disbanded…
Speaking of disbanding, the UK is “devolving” powers to Wales and Scotland. The joke appears to be on you, Limey!
Didn’t Gadaffi say after 9/11 that the only way we’ll win the War on Terror is if we bomb London?
I forgot to laugh about the IRA’s bombing of civilian targets in London and the attempted assassination of Thatcher in the 80s. Oho!
He’s clearly compensating for Empire-envy.
“Do you have smart people where you live in London”
One monitor cleaning coming up
Very few people in the U.K. will be offended by references to the Thatcher incident, regarded by most of us as an unfortunate near-miss.
Since Grimsby is a town in Illinois, the point of the joke seems to fall a little flat.
“Very few people in the U.K. will be offended by references to the Thatcher incident, regarded by most of us as an unfortunate near-miss.”
Muckadoo. Limey Muckadoo.
in my element
The daily overview is for all horror-scopes, not just mine.General Daily Overview: We are still living under the influence — under the influence, that is, of an optimistic and expansive planetary alignment involving the Jupiter, the largest planet in …
endgame B-62 airburst at 1000′ 10 meg. we just have to know Limey’s city.
BAD TARON!!!! BAD!!!!
Well, for one thing, Frank’s limey has emailed him back.
In this episode, The Limey has failed now three times to enrage the ignorant backwoodsman, American Frank. Brimming with rage himself, The Limey now ups his ante even further in an attempt t…
“Muckadoo. Limey Muckadoo”
What?
You’re a limey muckadoo.
I never knew the IRA were left-wing. That’s something new to me.
Oh…they’re not? Oh, OK. Stupid limeys and their misinformation.
Doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. Although of course I am.
This has got to be the best yet Frank! I almost wet myself when I saw the cover of “The Limey” Produced by “Souptid barstad” or whatever. One of the comments was right on- this IS PJ O’R stuff- probably better. Get it n a book- I’ll buy it too!
Think you need a bomb for this nutcase?? Since he truly believes all his drivel shudder… beat him with a hairpin i say!!
American heaven and foreigner hell!!! Dammit, Frank, I’m gonna have to start wearing Depends when I read! I was able to hold on through that, but Fascist McFascist and the Apricot Kingdom blasted Coke out my nose and all over my computer…. but SO worth it!
However, as several have said… making fun of 9/11… When the trip to destroy the Limey and all of France is planned, count me in as one of the five people needed. I don’t own any weapons, but that shouldn’t matter, should it? It’s only the Brits and the cheese-eating surrender-monkeys we’re talking about…
Frnak, I finally was able to track down some info on Grimsby, England. The link where you can read it’s one claim to infamy was found at: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/040304/325/enp4d.html .
So, what do you think the odds are that “the limey” is putting out, for all the Blogosphere to read, that he’s in the same line as the one the article is referring to?
Frank J, Ask the Limey why the Vietnamese Boat people didn’t leave until we left.
True story: During the Napoleonic Wars a French warship ran aground on the English coast, near the town of Hartlepool. One of the survivors was a monkey, which was immediately accused by the townspeople of being a French spy, convicted and lynched. So…
1)Says a lot about the intelligence of the English
2)Says a lot about the appearance of the French.
3)Shame it wasn’t Grimsby.
Will this encourage Frank to move to Hartlepool?
Better hate mail than mine
Frank J. gets more hate mail than me, and his hate mail is crazier than the stuff I get anyway. If you haven’t been following IMAO lately, you should check out the string of episodes involving a limey! Episode I…
Frank,
1 in 8 people in this country are poor? WTF? By what standard?
Please point out to this poor dumb limey bastard that we have the richest poor people in the world in this country!
Show me another country in the world where their poor people have TV, AC, DVD, a car, and food in the fridge.
Yes, someone should point out that the IRA is a largely conservative, right-wing, Catholic group, albeit one that happens to blow things up from time to time. And while I am not an expert on European political upheavals, I am Catholic, and while you can say a lot of things about us, we definitely aren’t left-wing fascists (isn’t that a contradiction in terms, anyways?). This is further demonstrated by the fact that they fight the British government, which is, wonder of wonders, largely leftist and socialist these days. Maybe this guy should read a local newspaper and lay off the bad music.
You rule. Yes, you rule. I wish you were the President of MY country, Canada, which through mush-brained “leadership” has tragically become one of the world’s great havens for hippies, Commies, terrorists, lifelong welfare bloodsuckers, autolobotomized junkies, trendily self-marginalized whiny pinkos, and many other completely useless kinds of people. Maybe you could hire me as your Minister of Social Services, and endow me with the funds to hire squadrons of big, well-armed guys who could beat the living crap out of such people, escort them to the border, and politely advise them that if they return they will be subjected to more permanent forms of discouragement.
It would never work of course, because it would mean they’d infest your country, which would be unfair. Maybe just create a big new country in the high Arctic called Loserville, leave lots of garbage bags full of weed and kegs of beer around, and at least they’d piss their lives away without doing any harm to the rest of us. How’s that for compassionate?
God bless the U.S.A., without which there could never be a Canada (or a U.K full of no-life, bitter, misanthropic dole scum like the Limey) at all!
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heh! down with america, down with the uk, and death to israel… what did you ever do for the world? nothing. what did israel do for the world, nothing. why should we support you in the killing of innocents? or sympathise for your weak justifications to do so? you are weak. you are insignificant little creatures, unable to distinguish your own immature fantasies from reality.