Hello Guest Blogger RightWingDuck here with yet another letter from our brave UN Workers. I need to take a moment to thank the Diplomad. This information has been great reading and serves as continuing fodder for these letters (Not that I wouldn’t make this stuff up anyway)
We now continue with more…
UN Letters from the front.
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My Dearest Claudette:
I hope this letter finds you and the kids well.
We have been very busy here. Meeting after meeting, so many reports and charts to fill in. The pressure is starting to get to the staff and we’re running low on Number 2 pencils.
Today I went to the American hangar to get some reports and pick up our supplies. They were so busy with all their food deliveries I could barely get any service. Of course I needed the information, but we also brought with us a pallet of our own wine. You know how much we love our wine. It’s such a shame that these tragedies never happen in a location with fine vineyards — but that’s just one of the sacrifices we make.
They had the wine, but nobody could share any information with me. Really, Claudette, how are we to announce all the good work of the United Nations if these people can’t give us a tally of their activity? How embarrassing.
Yes, this has been a time of great embarrassment.
What embarrassment? Not that a country had so many people living in shacks that were washed away.
Not that they didn’t have clean drinking water before — but have it now thanks to the — what was it, Dutch? I’m not sure. Thankfully, they weren’t American.
The embarrassment isn’t that their own countrymen are kidnapping surviving children for the sex trade — what a shame, I’ll have to propose we form an assessment team to evaluate that.
No, the greatest embarrassment is that some countries could be giving a lot more money.
Make sure the world does all it can to humiliate the U.S. Those darn choppers just don’t let me sleep anymore. Do they have to deliver food ALL the time?
They’re not even dong it right. Some places have been fed twice, others not at all. Really, do they need to eat twice in a day? They never ate twice before! Where do they think they are — America? Before you know, those tacky fast food outlets will be all over the place. I suspect a secret American Agenda at play again.
By the way, the chef’s dinner last night was superb. He was overwhelmed feeding the crew so they are flying in another chef plus a waiter. Hopefully, we’ll see an improvement in service. Oh, relief from this horrible tragedy. Sometimes I don’t know how I can cope with such a disaster.
It helps when I think of you and the little ones.
Give them a kiss.
All my love
**
I weep.
I weep when I read these. Selfish American Bastards. All of you.
I’m sorry. I got carried away.
Make sure you visit me at www.rightwingduck.net. Later on you can read my wonderful suggestions for catching Osama Bin Laden.
BTW, did anybody notice that Instapundit linked to this site the other day. Yep, it’s what I call Guest Blogger Job Security:)