For various non-interesting reasons, I stumbled across Tolerance.org. These folks are cutting-edge PC thought police. Here’s a selected quote that makes me giggle (especially the phrase I underlined):

As this guide shows, American English frequently both reflects and reinforces systems of oppression in U.S. society.
For example, a newspaper report describes a local event: “Over a thousand people attended with their wives and children.” How does the statement relate to sexism and ageism? What does the statement communicate about who is a person and who is not?

“Bark, Bark” said the moonbat (I’m sorry, that’s probably specieist).
Anyway, clicking around I found out that I’m actually a tolerant and diverse kinda guy. They have this list under the 101 Tools for Tolerance section – 20 Ideas for Yourself, and it looks like I’m way ahead of the game. In the extended entry, I’ve rated my performance in therse areas:

1. Attend a play, listen to music or go to a dance performance by artists whose race or ethnicity is different from your own.
“Purple haze, all in my brain!” Go, Jimi, go!
2. Volunteer at a local social services organization.
I gave some potato chips to a squirrel, which I believe qualifies as “feeding the homeless”
3. Attend services at a variety of churches, synagogues, mosques and temples to learn about different faiths.
I went to a bar that didn’t serve Guinness, which is the alcoholic version of this activity.
4. Visit a local senior citizens center and collect oral histories. Donate large-print reading materials and books on tape. Offer to help with a craft project.
“Collect oral histories” sounds like a euphemism for something dirty, so I skipped that (married, ya know). Craftwise, I once knocked over a little kid’s sand castle. Figured the emotional trauma might deepen his artistic well.
5.Shop at ethnic grocery stores and specialty markets. Get to know the owners. Ask about their family histories.
That one didn’t work so well. The response was “You’re gettin’ kinda nosy. I’ll bet you’re wearin’ a wire”, whereupon I got the crap kicked out of me. Sheesh. Italians.
6. Participate in a diversity program.
If by “participate” you mean “sleep through”, then yes.
7. Ask a person of another cultural heritage to teach you how to perform a traditional dance or cook a traditional meal.
An Australian woman once gave me a yummy cheesecake recipe, which I assume is a traditional Australian dish.
8. Learn sign language.
Hell, you’re lookin’ at the master. I know how to tell somebody “I can certainly understand how, given your background and education, you could hold that particular opinion, but I must respectfully disagree with your conclusion, as I believe you may have fallen prey to a common logical fallacy in this specific instance” with one finger.
9. Take a conversation course in another language that is spoken in your community.
After 5 years of marriage, I’m practically fluent in “female”, although I keep the dictionary handy, just in case.
10. Teach an adult to read.
Oh, all the time. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t have to teach someone that the words “Bank Hours: 9am to 5pm” means that the front door will be still be locked at 8:30am regardless of how much you tug on the door handle or stare at your watch.
11. Speak up when you hear slurs. Let people know that bias speech is always unacceptable.
I would like to take this opportunity to point out that the word “slur” as used in this sentence is negatively biased toward musical notes which are played “legato“.
12. Imagine what your life might be like if you were a person of another race, gender or sexual orientation. How might “today” have been different?
Let’s see… imagine I’m a lesbian… so I’d go to bed with my wife and start… um… Hmmm… no difference, really. And Beloved Wife wouldn’t notice anything, since she’s usually blindfolded anyway.
13. Take the How Tolerant are You? A Test of Hidden Bias. Enlist some friends to take this “hidden bias” test with you and discuss the results.
The results show that white people such as myself are oppressing me… Damn me! Damn me all to hell!
14. Take a Civil Rights history vacation. Tour key sites and museums.
Well, I went to the Spam Museum, which is related to the First Amendment right of “Freedom of Meat”… Ok, I didn’t actually STOP there, but I do have the brochure.
15. Research your family history. Share information about your heritage in talks with others.
Sweden is cold and Socialist. Grandpa left Sweden and came to Wisconsin. Which is also cold and Socialist, but they don’t make you draw a line through the letter “o” here, so you save a lot of money on ink.
16. List all the stereotypes you can – positive and negative – about a particular group. Are these stereotypes reflected in your actions?
I’m sorry, please rephrase the question in the form of something not stupid.
17. Think about how you appear to others. List personality traits that are compatible with tolerance (e.g., compassion, curiosity, openness). List those that seem incompatible with tolerance (e.g., jealousy, bossiness, perfectionism).
I read this website without immediately putting the contact e-mail onto a Vi@gr@-spam mailing list. That’s pretty tolerant. On the other hand, I’ll probably get around to it after I post this entry.
18. Create a “diversity profile” of your friends, co-workers and acquaintances. Set the goal of expanding it by next year.
All you white people, stop linking IMAO. You’re killing our quotas.
19. Sign the Declaration of Tolerance and return it to:
The National Campaign for Tolerance
400 Washington Avenue
Montgomery, AL 36104
Washington? He owned slaves! RACIST!
20. Read a book or watch a movie about another culture.
Is porn a culture?
Anyway, go check out the site. Perhaps you, too, will discover that you’re more diverserrific and tolerantastic than you thought.