First!
That’s right, first.
Welcome, one and all to the……
first,
the prime,
the initial,
the primordial,
the instigational,
the premier,
the maiden,
the earliest,
the original,
the pioneer,
the primary,
the beginning,
the inaugural,
Carnival of Comedy.
Don’t all those synonyms for ‘first’ line up look a lot like the numeral one? Well, who cares what you think? I think they do and I am your host, spacemonkey.
This carnival of comedy is going to be more fun than a barrel full of… submissions. You thought I was going to say more fun than a barrel full of monkeys, didn’t you? Admit it, you did. Well, hah! I’m proud to say I resisted the urge.
What? I said it anyway? Well, crap. I told myself and TOLD myself I wasn’t going to bring up monkeys. Frank J. hates them (monkeys) so. Then what do I do? I bring up monkeys. Great.
Man.
But I can’t let my failures as host stop me. I must move on, there’s a Carnival of Comedy to start.
Speaking of submissions (remember? I was talking about the submissions a while back, before I got on the monkey bent) we do have a barrelful. Not a literal barrel, of course. As that would just be silly. I suppose I could print them out, I guess and they might fill a notebook. But saying a notebook-full of submissions isn’t as nearly as funny as a barrel full of, not monkeys, but submissions. Is it? I don’t think so.
A notebook-full of monkeys might actually be funnier than both of the other sayings, but it would be inaccurate seeing as I have Carnival of Comedy submissions and not, in fact, monkeys. I always strive for accuracy. That was why I admitted to not actually having a barrel.
We do have a record number of submissions for a Carnival of Comedy on IMAO if memory serves and it being the first one and all. You’ll have to count them though, the number gets so high I have to take my shoes off to count them and I’m not allowed to do that at work any more. For a few reasons that I won’t go into here.
That said, the number of submissions is, like, WAAAAY more than 10 as you can see for yourself. Unless, of couse, you are a total moron, then I suppose you’ll just have to take my word for it. Even I can tell its more than 10. I wouldn’t need to take my shoes off otherwise.
Of course, I don’t think there are any total morons who read this site regularly. But it is a special day after all and there might be some who were brought in by bus for the occasion.
As hoped, the submissions range all over the comedy spectrum from funny pictures to essays to lists to howtos, there’s even an ebay auction.
Enough lead in I suppose so lets all take our shoes off (if we are allowed), kick back, put the drinks away and on the count of one, start the carnival.
All Ready? All together.
Archive of entries posted on 28th April 2005
I’m Sick and Joe’s Hot
Sorry for no post, but I’m home sick. I got woken up this morning, though, by a call from my brother, Joe foo’ the Marine, in Iraq. Says he’s really getting good with his Arabic and the locals are all friendly. A lot of the time they aren’t doing much, so the military has a bunch of signs up saying, “Complacency Kills.” Now everyone wants to name his tank “Complacency” since “Complacency Kills.”
Joe also says nothing is as bad or as good as either side would make things out, so take all news with a grain of salt. Anyhoo, I’m getting back to bed. Be honorable, ronin.
RWD’s News Round-Up, Thursday
Hello,
I’m RightWingDuck and I’m here to share the news.
In England, Channel 5 has announced plans to air a hip, edgy reality series — LIVE plastic surgery.
Do they mean live-live? Yes, as in the coverage features real plastic surgery in action!!
Imagine having to be the play-by-play team on THAT one.
“What’s he doing now, Jim.”
“Well, Bob, Dr. Smythe appears to be using the number 5 scalpel”
“Why do you think he’s doing that?”
“Well, Bob. If you recall, he hurt his shoulder in the Johnston liposuction.”
“Indeed.”
In yet another ground-breaking move, Channel 5 launched an even edgier, hipper new series. “Live Plastic Surgery- Bloopers.”
“What’s he doing now, Jim.”
“Well, Bob, Dr. Smythe appears to be using the number 5 scalpel”
“Why do you think he’s doing that?”
“Well, Bob. If you recall, he left the number 4 scalpel inside Mr. Jones.”
“Indeed. Ha ha. Let’s watch that footage now”
Speaking of surgical bloopers–
The Michael Jackson trial is still just too much fun to watch.
Debbie Rowe, Michael’s ex-wife took the stand today. She was artificially inseminated. And Michael might not even be the father!!
Oh my goodness.
We should have known. Those young kids don’t resemble a young Michael Jackson at all.
On second thought — even Michael doesn’t resemble a young Michael Jackson.