First!
That’s right, first.
Welcome, one and all to the……
first,
the prime,
the initial,
the primordial,
the instigational,
the premier,
the maiden,
the earliest,
the original,
the pioneer,
the primary,
the beginning,
the inaugural,
Carnival of Comedy.
Don’t all those synonyms for ‘first’ line up look a lot like the numeral one? Well, who cares what you think? I think they do and I am your host, spacemonkey.
This carnival of comedy is going to be more fun than a barrel full of… submissions. You thought I was going to say more fun than a barrel full of monkeys, didn’t you? Admit it, you did. Well, hah! I’m proud to say I resisted the urge.
What? I said it anyway? Well, crap. I told myself and TOLD myself I wasn’t going to bring up monkeys. Frank J. hates them (monkeys) so. Then what do I do? I bring up monkeys. Great.
Man.
But I can’t let my failures as host stop me. I must move on, there’s a Carnival of Comedy to start.
Speaking of submissions (remember? I was talking about the submissions a while back, before I got on the monkey bent) we do have a barrelful. Not a literal barrel, of course. As that would just be silly. I suppose I could print them out, I guess and they might fill a notebook. But saying a notebook-full of submissions isn’t as nearly as funny as a barrel full of, not monkeys, but submissions. Is it? I don’t think so.
A notebook-full of monkeys might actually be funnier than both of the other sayings, but it would be inaccurate seeing as I have Carnival of Comedy submissions and not, in fact, monkeys. I always strive for accuracy. That was why I admitted to not actually having a barrel.
We do have a record number of submissions for a Carnival of Comedy on IMAO if memory serves and it being the first one and all. You’ll have to count them though, the number gets so high I have to take my shoes off to count them and I’m not allowed to do that at work any more. For a few reasons that I won’t go into here.
That said, the number of submissions is, like, WAAAAY more than 10 as you can see for yourself. Unless, of couse, you are a total moron, then I suppose you’ll just have to take my word for it. Even I can tell its more than 10. I wouldn’t need to take my shoes off otherwise.
Of course, I don’t think there are any total morons who read this site regularly. But it is a special day after all and there might be some who were brought in by bus for the occasion.
As hoped, the submissions range all over the comedy spectrum from funny pictures to essays to lists to howtos, there’s even an ebay auction.
Enough lead in I suppose so lets all take our shoes off (if we are allowed), kick back, put the drinks away and on the count of one, start the carnival.
All Ready? All together.

One!
Robbie submitted a post by Alan at OCCAM’S CARBUNCLE presents I mean, the guy probably believes in God!
Sam Johnson at I am abused mentally by my colon presents poot!
RW at The Decadent West presents DW vs. 5 Year Olds [language]
David Bieck at Guns and Glory presents 8 Ways Not To Get Shot By The U.S. Military [language]
Mat at Dog and Pony Show presents Reverse Evolution Bad and At Newsstands Now!
Hatless in Hattiesburg at Hatless in Hattiesburg presents Awareness
Laurence Simon at IFOC News presents Annan Expresses Concern For Deteriorating Hilton-Ritchie Relations [language] [ed note, sorry Lawrence, it was just n general principals, not the c-word. A Laurence Simon post with no cussin, what’s next self-toasting bread? ed. apologizes]
Suzanne Wood at Descartes’ Bar and Grill presents There is,of course, plenty of news
Uncle Jimbo at Military Matters- Uncle Jimbo presents Rotten Duck Eggs & Day Old Chicken
Jennifer at Demure Thoughts presents Femme Products [language]
Adam at SATELLITE FUN – PICTURE BLOG presents DANCING MR. PEANUT LAKE
Dana at Northshore Politics presents If I didn’t have a sense of humor
Dan Lovejoy at Dan & Angi have something to say presents Did you hear the one about C. Everett Koop’s Elbow?
James Wigderson at Wigderson Library & Pub presents Let the fur fly
Arthur F at Muse With Art presents Robin ‘Red’ Hood – Is Robin Hood a Comunnist?
James at IbeJO – Creative Cursing 24×7 presents I’m gonna sound like a [pinkytoe] for saying this [language] and An Interview with Adolf Hitler [language]
Scott J. at AMCGLTD presents Always a Woman
Lana at live from the guillotine presents THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES II
sackofcatfood at Mish Mash presents Fighting Terrorism, by Making Terrorism Uncool
Jonathan Geist at presents A Rather Memorable Ebay Auction
Ofc. Krupke at Ofc. Krupke presents A Tasteful Gun/Lamp
Lee Zanello at See The Donkey presents A Brief History of Portable Music
Steve Otey at Irritation Station presents How to annoy at work
Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face presents Public Figures Speak Out On Ratzinger/Olsen Papacy
Patriot Xeno at Right Hand of God presents Tips for Insulting a Person
John at WuzzaDem.com presents Blogging With Clippy
jimmyb at The Conservative UAW Guy presents Not Too Terribly Fond of Jane
Dan Caves at America’s Glory presents Taking Steps toward GET A JOB, HIPPY!
Alec Rawls at Error theory presents Earth Day 2030: “A new eye blinked open upon the world”
J. Fielek at Quibbles-n-Bits presents This might be the last post…
Simon P. Chappell at Upright and Breathing presents Java and .Net on my desktop
Kid Various at The Idiom presents Habemus Papem! Cont’d
Ferdinand T. Cat at Conservative Cat presents The Thing with the Monitors
Doc Rampage at Doc Rampage presents my protest
Mark A. Rayner at The Skwib presents Exploding fairy tales, frankenfoods and German toads
Raquel Roman at …”And Psychotic’s a bad thing because?” presents Ode to FrankJ. and Ode to FrankJ. (Cont.)
Citizen Grim at Right Hand of God presents Happy Earth Day!
a4g at Point Five presents Stupid Horse Dies on Movie Set, Idiot Animal Rights Activists Have Panties in a Bunch
Entries From IMAO readers who entered by email rather than post
I posted these both in the Frank J Fan Club. Here they are individually.
IMAO reader whitefang1001-at-aol.com – emails CANNIBALS FIGHT FOR CIVIL RIGHTS
IMAO reader, thrillerfan89-at-yahoocom – emails A 100 Percent True (Unfortunately) Story
IMAO Members
Harvey at Bad Example presents TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Cadet Happy at mountaineer musing presents the garden is coming in beautifully
RightWingDuck at Right Wing Duck presents I have no proof but…
spacemonkey at The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles presents Our Brush With Food Poisioning
sarahk at mountaineer musings presents 4.9 A MAN OF HIS WORD
Frank J. at IMAO presents Hating Michael Moore
I did ask Frank for a nice quote for the first Carnival of Comedy and he said

None of that ‘first’ crap, no talk of monkeys and… Monkey, see this gun? It’s loaded. Now, get your feet out of my face before I unload it, the loud way.

Mission accomplished.
This wraps up the inaugural, initial, premier and yes, first issue of the Carnival of Comedy. You saw it here at IMAO, first!