Hi Gang.
RightWingDuck here. You know, I’ve been reading the paper and following these mobsters that got picked up by the FBI. These guys are accuses of a lot of stuff – some of them murders that go back 20 years.
What’s weird is that these guys are upset that we would even THINK that they are mobsters. See, it’s okay for your business card to read, Sammy The Snake
it’s another thing to have the job title: Legitamite Businessman.
That got me to thinking…
What Mob Nicknames would YOU give some of our favorite public figures?
Here are my nickname entries along with an overview of their “mob profile”
President Bush: Junior
Don’t let his name lead you astray. He’s the one man you can’t mess with. Don’t let the broken crayons fool you.
VP Cheney. Dick “The Chiropractor”
He’ll @#& break your back in a VP debate if you mess with him.
Laura Bush: The Hush Puppy
This sweet librarian requests that you keep it down. Or you’ll be dealing with Chiro and Junior.
Senator Ted Kennedy: Teddy “The Liver”
You can mess with him – but there’s a two drink minimum.
Senator Kerry: Johnny “The Weathervane”
The only mobster to belong to ALL of the major mob families!
Former President Clinton: Billy “The Zipper” Clinton
Loves the cigars, the ladies, and ladies with cigars. Also likes sex. What the hell are you lookin’ at? Oh, how YOU doin’?
Senator Clinton: Hilllary “The Nutcracker”
Get your damn hands off my husband.
Former National Security Advisor Sandy Berger: Sandy Scissorpants
Evidence, shmevidence. Stick it in his pants. It’s as good as gone. Why yes, he IS happy to see you.
Howard Dean: Howie “The Scream”
This screaming mad dog of a Democrat is mad. And he hates Republicans and everthing they stand for. Great for children’t parties.
Film maker Michael Moore: Mikey “The Equator”
He’s big. He’s fat. He’s big and fat. Also makes movies. Has video evidence that George Bush shot JFK. It’s already up for an Oscar.
**
Now it’s YOUR turn.
Let’s start handing out those cool nicknames. Who comes to mind? Dan Rather? George Soros? Maureed Dowd?
Post in comments.
Maureen Dowd would have to be The Snark…kind of like The Shark, but she bludgeons you to death with the blunt end of her razor sharp wit.
I’m thinking Mikey the Moon for Moore. Better ring to it 🙂
Okay, I’ll have a go.
Billy “The Doc” Frist: Easily threatened and hard to provoke. However, when The Doc is in, you do NOT want this treatment.
Donald “Duck and Cover” Rumsfeld: the nickname tells what to do if you get on his bad side. Fine upstanding gentleman in public; feasts on deceased enemies in private.
Sandy “Drawers” Berger: the document specialist the Underworld can trust (classified extra). (I know you already did SB, but when you said mob nicknames for public figures, I thought of him first.)
Nancy “The Green Dragon” Pelosi: lives in underwater cave in San Francisco Bay. Puts on a pacifist lefty front, but shrieks turn to flames when she means business.
Vladimir “Vlad the Viper” Putin: civil rights-snatching government is more than a sideshow: it’s a mob front for fencing nukes to Syria. Enjoys the finer things, including vodka and alcohol.
Is this the kind of thing you had in mind?
Excellent. Well done folks.
STill laughing at the Green Dragon
Teresa Hienz Kerry “El Loco Tomato”
That’s one crazy bitch!!!
Condoleezza “The Secretary” Rice: Sure, she’ll take your message, but don’t be fooled by her soft demeanor – if you misspelled her name in the message, you’re about to meet the Secretary of Pain.
Based on IMW:
Donald “The Strangler” Rumsfeld: “What strangler?” he asked, putting away his strangling gloves.
RWD: ROFL for Teddy “The Liver” and Sandy Scissorpants.
humanoverlord: ROFL for “strangling gloves.”
John “The Rhino” McCain (stolen from Kelly)
John “Li’l Johnny” Edwards
Barb “The Cross-Examiner” Boxer
The one you call when you need somebody to ask the tough questions
Denny “Moons Over My Hammy” Hastert
…too off-the-wall?
NCO,
Isn’t that one of the Denny’s Breakfast Specials?
Yep. Personally I go with the All-American Slam, but it doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Ted “The Sewer Rat” Rall
Nuff said.
Tony “The Accomplice” Blair
When you need a hand with your dirty work, you need a Tony
Barbara “Mad Dog” Mikulski
Don’t mess with her “undocumented” Maryland oyster-shuckers!
Dan “Spin City” Rather
Christine “Chicago Math” Gregoire
Dan “Spin City” Rather
Christine “Chicago Math” Gregoire
Giuliana “Swiss Cheese” Sgrena
Tom “Dirge” Daschle, because he’s always “saddened”.
Mark “Sir Robin” Dayton, because he always bravely runs away.
Janet “The Man” Reno, because, well, you know why.
Harry “Can’t” Reid, because he criticizes people without reading their work.
George “The Enigma” Bush, because you never know who he is. Is he a war-mongering conservative? Is he a big-gov’t liberal? Will he fight our enemies to the end? Will he hold hands with our enemies?
And last but not least,
Hillary “The Dick” Clinton.
Because you know she has one.
Michael “The Mouth” Moore: Don’t go within 30 feet of him when his mouth is empty.
Barbara “The Nose” Streisand: You don’t want to be anywhere near her when she sneezes.
Jaques “Droopy” Chirac: He may look like a certain cartoon character who can hold his own when it comes down to it but don’t be fooled, he’s really a coward.
Don’t forget:
Kofee “the Filter” Annon
Filters funds from one corrupt organization to another. Expert at evading finacial investigations.
Ralph “the Spectator” Nader
Always present when things go down. Never a factor to be considered.
Saddam “the Mole” Houssian
Don’t forget:
Yasser “the Fish” Arafat (from LGF)
Jimmy “Bugs” Carter
William “Billy Nads” Clinton
Teddy “Mr. Megalencephaly” Kennedy
Dave “Flying Feces” Matthews
Zell “Roaring Dino” Miller
Teddy “The Swimmer” Kennedy
(Apologies to Burt Lancaster)
Harry “Ilych” Reid
(NO apologies to V.I. Ulyanov)
Hillary “The Filer” Clinton
The chief, has files on everyone, can make them dissapear or reappear if you piss her off.
Oliver “Don’t Know Nuttin'” North
He’ll take the fall, and keep his mouth shut
Dan Rather “The 1st”
Always wants to be first, but never is.
“Crazy Nick” Coleman
Don’t get on his bad side, or the verbal barrage will leave you dying with laughter.
All this talk about mafia names reminds me of something. There’s this guy who works for, like, the BPU, or something. His name is Vinnie Rocco, but he’s really just a skinny, little, old Italian guy.
Paul “Paulie Numbers” Krugman:
This mob bean counter is just the guy when you need inconvenient economic figures to fit into your preferred scenario.
Lord, I apoligise in advance for crude and uncalled for humor depicting people I dislike because of politics in mean and hurtful ways.
Osama “Bin Hidin'”
Because his overt Jihad has gone underground, cowering.
Zacharias “Rocket” Moussawi
Because he will probably taks one from the USA.
Ben “Assa” Stein
You gotta say this one in a monotone
Janet “H&K” Reno
Because she proved she owns one.
Jim “Sitting Duck” Brady
Because those guns can now shoot faster than he moves!
John “Gayfer” Kerry
Because he likes sitting on the French’s way fence too much.
and one last one…
Saddam “The Negotiator” Hussein
For having something in common with Baghdad Bob.
OK, I’ll take a stab. How about—-
Molly “The Mug” Ivins
Have you seen the picture they run with her columns? Good lord!
Jiaques “The Cock” Chirac -Yes yes…I think we all saw that one coming ;).
HA HA… cock
John “the ‘stash” Bolton:
guess what behind that thing?
The holy grail? A bengal tiger? UN
Reforms?! WHO KNOWS!!!
Helen “Hell-On-Earth” Thomas
Rachel “IHOP” Corrie
Ann “The Man” Coulter.
You’d think that her surgeon could have made the “change” a bit more believable.