The boys over at Cox & Forkum remind us that yesterday was Saddam Hussein’s 68th birthday. I should have gotten him something, but I had trouble deciding:
* Jalepeno underwear
* Razor blade mattress
* Bandsaw eyebrow plucking
* Plastic shredder shoes
* Cheese grater manicure
* Columbian necktie
* Hot wax eyedrops
* Rabid weasel bath
* Ben Gay Q-tip ear cleaning
* Anthrax omelette
* Tarantula enema
Got any suggestions?
first! and nice list, harvey!
A date with Helen Thomas?
Man, what to get for the guy who has everything?
How about a DR wood chipper Home Penis Reduction Kit?
Thumbtack sandwich
razorwire c**kring
candlesticks
Glass rod inserted into penis.
Smashed repeatedly with 3lb. hammer.
then apply salt & alcohol mixed into a paste.
Maybe we could get him to share a cell with Hippie Protestors, or a nice ninja monkey ars wuppin’
Maybe we could get him to share a cell with Hippie Protestors, or a nice ninja monkey ars wuppin’
How about a porcupine enema!
~”The Soothing Sounds of Susan Estrich” relaxation CD.
~Poison Ivy condoms
~A bottle of “Stingy McOuchy’s Red Hot Eyedrops”
~An all expense paid trip to Northern Iraq where he will be the guest of honor at several Kurdish gala balls.
Epilady
Japanese massage with baseball cleats
Drano high-colonic
The Comfy Chair!
In the middle of Bahgdad give him his freedom.
The X-170 Caterpillar Multi-Utility Backhoe…the choice of mass grave diggers everywhere!!
well, hes out of work, so get him a job. as an NFL tackling dummy.
marriage to Senatorette Barbara Boxer or Senatorette Hillary whatsername
A nice massage with bacon grease.
A castrating cake?
Exploding enema?
Tabasco Nasal Spray?
Napalm Sahmpoo?
How about a sex change and a date with Bubba (no jail is complete without your very own Bubba, ORDER TODAY!)
LokiDoki nailed it! I had an epilady once (I begged and begged for it because it wasn’t cheap!). Oh my goodness! I should’ve sent it to the guys at Abu Ghraib!
One of Darth Vader’s used respirators. Y’know, the one that’s caked in vomit?
That cracked me up, Buckley.
Ya, but everybody missed all the diplomacy.
New US ambassador to the Canadas and
Canada’s New Embassy Building in Berlin
On April 29, 2005, Canada has officially opened a new building designed to house Canada’s Embassy in Berlin, Germany. Located in the heart of the city, the Embassy has been designed and built to reflect Germany ‘s importance to Canada as a G8 partner and a central player in the European Union.
24 hours with the crew of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
Definitely.
Some of the now useless currency with his picture on it for toilet paper.
How about a special gift for the madman who had everything?
A steamy, bubbling Jaccuzi loaded with about a half pound of finely ground glass added to the watery froth?
Once he starts to bleed. Drop in a half dozen pirahnas from the ceiling.
Or a transfusion with a pint of HIV/AIDS infected blood?
Break his elbows, knees, feet and hands. Then have him dropped into a stainless steel room. To be attacked by fifty starved, feral cats?
String Saddam out on some high grade Heroin for about a month. Let him shoot himself up.
Then STOP and watch him writhe in Junkie Agony.
Just a few thoughts.
Jack.
Depleted uranium tie-tack with 1/8″ aircraft cable tie.
How about a nice warm and relaxing honey bath followed up by a trip to the local grizzly bear exhibit at the zoo?
Or, while we’re on the animals kick, how about a romantic getaway with a male silverback gorilla during his mating season while covered in a female gorilla’s pheremones?
Or did anyone see Hannibal?
How about a nice warm and relaxing honey bath followed up by a trip to the local grizzly bear exhibit at the zoo?
Or, while we’re on the animals kick, how about a romantic getaway with a male silverback gorilla during his mating season while covered in a female gorilla’s pheremones?
Or did anyone see Hannibal?
Chainsaw enema.
A suit made of honey and a new home with the bears at the zoo.
A all expenses paid trip through a wood chipper.
A lawn chair for laying in the sun placed over a fire ant mound.
A dip in the ocean with swinsuit stuffed with chum.
Tied pantless to a large rock with a blind stud horse.
A sight seeing tour of Chernobyl.
A wooden shack that is on fire with his balls nailed to the wall, and a dull butter knife.
What happened to Uday & Kusay’s remains? Give Saddam the heads and some of those Chia Pet seeds. Hilarity will ensue.
He must be really mad he almost made it to 69, since he had some BIG plans for that year.
My stomach hurts from laughing so hard. Keep it coming, guys!
Give Saddam his 77 (or whatever the hell it is) virgins, then tell him they are men.
Weld him into a pew and force him to sit through a Christian Mass.
Force-feed him pork (it is forbidden by Islam, as well).
Make him watch “Girls Gone Wild” (such nudity is a mortal sin in Islam) while force-feeding him pork… Then tell him the girls are, in fact, men.
A 24 hour marathon of Big Bad BeetleBorgs.
You know it is his birthday, and all of us Americans should give him something.
Sit him in a chair guarded by our own troops,so he can be safe when the American people can give their gifts to them.
And every citizen shall line up and come one-by-one to Saddam personally to give the gift of their choice.
You can either punch him in the face, stomach, or nose, bitchslap him for the asshole that he is, kick or stomp him in the nuts. In other words, one gift apiece from every American to him.
Run a poll on the internet.
List all the various torture methods that he and his sons’ used.
Do to him whatever comes first (second, third, fourth…)
Two methods that were used in Iraq:
Eye gouging
Acid Baths
Here is a report that answers the question why he should be tortured:
Torture in Iraq
Make him listen to Senator Clinton’s Speeches for the 24 hours of his Birthday
Phil Monk, thanks for the report. I say he deserves all of this and worse.
Tenure at Columbia University.
A roll in the hay with Rosie O’Donnell?
A solid swift kick in the groin