Hurray! You came back for another day of round-ups!!
I just know we’re going to lose readers once the new Britney/Kevin show gets going.
Are you excited? Britney Spears and her husband, Kevin, have penned a deal to make a reality show based on their daily lives.
Hooray. I was worried about that. We just don’t see enough of this woman.
She’s really excited. If all goes well, she could become the next Jessica Simpson, or Paris Hilton.
He’s excited too. If all goes well, people might stop seeing him as a freeloader.
Personally, I think we have too many celebrity shows. I miss the old celebrity reality videos — Security Cameras.
I’m not sure Britney is too familiar with this type of performing. She’s secretly mentioned to friends that she’s worried about having to coordinate 22 minutes of lip synching.
They’ve signed on for six episodes, or the length of the marriage — whichever comes first.
The United States is looking at requiring passports for Americans traveling back and forth between Mexico — Canada too.
In fact, they say if you go to Mexico and you don’t have your passport, you won’t be able to get back in. You know what this could lead to? That’s right — Illegal AMERICANS.
I say make them run across the border at midnight. This way we find out who REALLY loves this country.

The Los Angeles Lakers are now officially out of the playoffs. Yep. It’s all over except for watching Shaq on TV trying to win another ring..
So, it looks like Kobe’s court time is going to be coming to an end. – Unless he gets himself arrested again.
In LA we debate whether it was wise to trade the tall arrogant one and have the short arrogant one stay behind.
Man, it’s like the Democrats deciding: John Kerry or Howard Dean?
Except the Lakers know what it’s like to win.
Here in California, there’s a new report showing that 22 million of us eat too much, exercise too little, and are getting too fat.
I didn’t read the article. It was way over on the other side of the couch. Who knows.
This has not gone over too well. Protesters were planning a massive rally, then they realized it required 20 minutes of standing. So they went to the local IHOP and chanted slogans at the wait staff.
Hey hey. Ho ho. Low fat has got to go.
Can I get that with extra gravy?
In Canada, a beer truck toppled, spilling thousands of bottles of beer.
Now, Canadian men are just like American men — right? Run and see if you can score a few bottles!!
Actually, in America you’d say to your wife, “Honey, can you go to the freeway and get me a beer?”
The beer company is carrying out an investigation and the driver could be in trouble if they discover he was driving while sober.
Even sadder, two stray animals were killed. They had beer battered roadkill. They’ve never seen that in Canada. Kentucky, yes. Canada, no.
If the problem in the United States is width, in China the problem is height.
In China, those with extra money are now splurging to make themselves TALLER!!
How? Let me quote the L.A. Times directly talking about two of the people in the article–
“They had a doctor break their legs and insert steel pins into the bones just below their knees and above their ankles. The pins are attached to a bulky contraption that looks like a metal cage. For six months or so, they will wear this stretching device even though it delivers excruciating pain eased only by medication.
They dial the adjustment knobs daily, forcing the ends of the broken limbs to pull away from each other even as they heal. As new bone grows, the device forces it apart again, resulting in more new bone to fill the gap. Patients on the device typically gain about 3 inches in six months.”
This procedure, developed by John “Daddy Longlegs” Chang, is turning out to be quite popular. Especially among those wanting to be actors.
I can just imagine people in China saying, “I want to be tall, like Tom Cruise or Dustin Hoffman.”
So you crank a knob to separate the bones? Ewww.
The guys are lucky, their model comes with a remote control.
This procedure is totally gonna change the social scene in China.
Two Chinese guys checking out a girl in a bar..
“Hey, she’s hot.”
“Yeah. Tall. You think she’s natural?”
“Nah, she probably cranks.”
“That reminds me — where’s my remote control?”
What gets me is that ACTORS are getting this procedure done! If there’s one place in the world you can hide flaws, it’s in a film!!
“Mr. Cruise. Could you step over here in this light. Wonderful. Yes, stand right there next to the thimble.”
The Popes Funeral is today. In attendance will be the Who’s Who of the world. There will be 4 Kings and 5 Queens.
Funny, I once attended a funeral that was caused by 5 queens. Actually, there were four, but then the fifth one fell out of the sleeve…
Mysteriously enough, John Kerry has shown up in Rome on crutches.
His spokesperson says he’s had medical treatment for his knees. It’s from years of marathoning, and hockey playing.
Yeah, and Monica’s lip blister was from stress.
The better question is this: Is he looking taller?
BTW, Kerry isn’t there for the funeral. Now that there’s no Pope, he’s still working on getting that first marriage annulled.
The quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons is being sued for giving his girlfriend Herpes. She is asking for an undisclosed amount. Well, SOME of it is undisclosed.
Price for two drinks: $20.00
Price of a new NFL contract. $145 million.
Having every woman on the planet know that the plumbing is infected: Priceless.
On the plus side for Vicks, no more waiting in line for the showers!!
Get this. It appears that Vicks sought treatment under a fake name -Ron Mexico.
Which, by the way, is a great name to assume when treating problems “south of the border”.
Vick. Remember, if you wish to come back — you’ll need a passport.
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That’s all.
Remember: I can’t hear you laugh. Please post in comments and let me know what got a laugh out of you 🙂