“Hurricane Katrina is unacceptable,” President Bush told his cabinet, “We cannot let hurricanes like it happen again. I am declaring a War on Weather. So, we must decide how to first act. What causes hurricanes?”
“By the Chaos Theory,” Condoleezza Rice said, “a hurricane here could be caused by a butterfly flapping its wings in Japan.”
“Then I want someone sent to Japan who will bring me the heads of any butterfly that dare flaps its wings!” Bush commanded. He then reconsidered. “Actually, have it bring back the whole bodies instead and pin them up in some sort of display case so the American people can see our vengeance. What else could cause hurricanes?”
“I hate to mention it,” Scott McClellan stated, “but, really, weather is just an act of God and…”
“I want God placed at the top of the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted!” Bush demanded. He then took a piece of paper and quickly wrote out a note and thrust it to Scott. “Here’s an ultimatum for God full of swear words and demanding His surrender. I want you to go to the nearest cathedral and deliver it.”
“But…”
“Now!” Bush yelled and shook his fist at Scott. Scott grabbed the note and ran away in fright.
“If I may go to other matters,” Rumsfeld said, “Iran has recently had itself bombed by us in an act of defiance. I say we bomb them in retaliation.”
“Rummy, I don’t have time for war talk,” Bush answered, “You make all the decisions and handle that yourself.”
Rumsfeld walked away laughing evilly.
“Always keeping good spirits,” Bush remarked.
A man in a black suit, black tie, and black sunglasses entered the room. “I have information on Hurricane Katrina that might interest you.”
“And who are you?”
“My name is Clancy. I work with U.S. intelligence… or maybe I don’t, if you know what I mean.”
“No… but continue.”
“Most think the reason Hurricane Katrina became more powerful was because of the water temperatures in the Gulf, but we found one poster on some bboard who blamed it on the Chinese. And, posters on internet bboards are almost never wrong… or never right. I forget which.”
“We don’t have time to figure that out,” Bush declared, “I want both China and the Gulf nuked.”
Vice President Cheney ran into the room. “Chief Justice Rehnquist is dead!”
Bush looked back with shock. He soon recovered to ask, “Was he killed by weather?”
“We don’t yet know.”
“He will be avenged!” Bush shouted into the air. He then thought for a moment. “Ooh, I need to write a eulogy.”

“Rehnquist always believed the Constitution was a living document,” Bush told the people in attendance at the funeral, “That’s why he obtained a magic dagger and plunged it into the heart of the Constitution, killing it forever. Because of his conservatism, many liberals were afraid that Rehnquist would vote against Roe v. Wade… since he already did back in ’73. Still, he was respected by both sides, especially for his work towards civil rights for cyborgs, giving them a percentage of human rights based on their ratio of man to machine. I just hope we can all spend our last days like him, working tirelessly and cowering in the corner out of fear of Scalia’s sudden mood swings. Furthermore…”
It started raining heavily.
“What!” Bush shouted, “This is another act of defiance by God! Didn’t He get my ultimatum? Scott! Where are you?”
“Scott’s in the hospital, dear,” Laura Bush told him, “He was struck by lightning on the way out of a cathedral. Quite odd, since it was a cloudless day.”
Bush shrugged his shoulders. “Sometimes weather is random; what are ya gonna do?”