Thousands now lie dead.
Tragedy for some, others…
Time for politics!
Archive of entries posted on 6th September 2005
A Story, Bit-by-Bit
Superego: Part 23 – Bad Tidings
BEGINNING OF STORY
PREVIOUS (PART 22)
When I got back to my hotel room, I didn’t waste time mulling things over in my head before I pulled out my secure communication equipment. The mouthpiece was awkward, but it used sound cancellation to make sure my voice didn’t travel any further than the microphone for my communicator. I didn’t actually think someone was bugging my room, but now was the time to tread carefully.
“Dip, there’s been a leak. They know I’m coming.”
“I didn’t tell anyone.”
Was that another one of his jokes? Did he actually think I suspected him? I take it for granted that, since he’s just a computer algorithm, he was incapable of betraying me… at least wittingly (as far as a computer program has wits). “I know you didn’t. I need to talk to Vito.”
“Will this change plans?”
“I’m simply passing on information at this point. How long will it take to get Vito?”
“I can try hailing him now, Rico.”
It only took a minute to open a communications channel with my handler.
“Hey, I can’t know the details of this one. You have…”
“Shut up, Vito. Just pass on to whomever you can that there is a leak in the system. The authorities know too much, and the only way they could know these details were if someone higher up told them.”
“Okay, I’ll pass that on. What are you going to do?”
“I’m proceeding as planned; the only thing they don’t seem to know is I’m the one doing the hit. Now pass on what I told you and then get back to me. Okay?”
“Sure. I’ll…”
I cut the communications there; no reason wasting time when I had so much to plan.
“By the way, Rico,” Dip piped in, “I now have an escape plan for you with a 32% chance of full success and a 67% chance of at least some small piece of the ship escaping orbit.”
I ignored the joke; I felt like if I admitted his attempts at humor were annoying me, he’d win. “One in three is good, but keep working.” Right now, it seemed like there was less than a one in three chance of me making it far enough to require the escape plan.
“What are you going to do now, Rico? Is Diane Thompson still alive?”
“Yeah, she’s still more useful to me alive. Tomorrow I’m going to help her look for a Corloni hired lone assassin out to kill Senator Gredler.”
“At least that will be easy. It will only become slightly complicated if you want all the credit for bringing him in since it might be difficult to properly handcuff yourself.”
I was starting to think I needed to program a way to hurt him. “Dip, did you find anything else out about Senator Gredler?”
“No, I’m afraid nothing of interest, Rico.”
“Then I guess I’m going to Bible study with the Detective.”
“From most people’s characterization of a higher power, it is unlikely God will help you. I think your success would be more likely if He does not exist.”
“Very philosophical, Dip. Ever read the Bible?”
He paused a moment. “I have now. It’s full of very implausible events. Am I right in saying that most religions are based on implausible beliefs?”
“Considers your worldview, Dip.”
“And what is your worldview, Rico?”
I gave that a moment’s thought. “I don’t care.”
“Have fun at Bible study, Rico, and please pass on what you learn to me. I will remind you not to kill anyone during it because they seem to have some rule against it. Actually, the whole Bible doesn’t bode well for you if any of it is true.”
Nothing seemed to be breaking in my favor right now.
NEXT
We take in hundreds of thousands of his people, and this is the thanks Ray Nagin gives us?
Ray Nagin, the shrieking mayor of Lake New Orleans, now wants to take his cops on vacation to Las Vegas.
That’s right. Vegas.
You know, this really pisses me off. Not because it’s a waste of the taxpayer dollars he didn’t spend on relief efforts. Not because it rewards a bunch of thugs who bugged out at first opportunity and participated in a little looting of their own instead of commandeering the school bus fleet and getting people out of town.
No, it’s because it’s an insult to Houston, Texas.
We’ve got miles and miles of strip clubs right here in Houston, Texas. Not just by the airports like other cities do – they’re all over the place. And if one gets too close to a church or a school or a playground, well, we have a huge debate over it and sometimes the strip clubs wins and the church gets sent packing.
We’ve got our priorities straight here, darn it.
On top of that, some of them are very fine establishments. World Class, based on what I remember from my younger and wilder days. Ricks even trades on the stock market and goes talent scouting.
But apparently, Ray thinks that we’re not good enough for his cops for some reason or another. The same cops that have been swindling “freebies” off of New Orleans strippers for “policeman’s perks” in more ways than one.
But our town is just good enough for, say, several hundred thousand of the people who voted him into office, dumped unceremoniously into the welcoming arms of Ray’s neighbors in spite of the non-existent relief efforts Ray’s own cronies pretended to mount.
Ray, you’ve bashed our president for your own sins and failures. You’ve bashed your governor for your own sins and failures. But to forsake the treasures of the city that’s welcomed your people in with loving arms and generocity unparalleled in this country’s existence, that’s just unforgivable.
In My World: War on Weather
“Hurricane Katrina is unacceptable,” President Bush told his cabinet, “We cannot let hurricanes like it happen again. I am declaring a War on Weather. So, we must decide how to first act. What causes hurricanes?”
“By the Chaos Theory,” Condoleezza Rice said, “a hurricane here could be caused by a butterfly flapping its wings in Japan.”
“Then I want someone sent to Japan who will bring me the heads of any butterfly that dare flaps its wings!” Bush commanded. He then reconsidered. “Actually, have it bring back the whole bodies instead and pin them up in some sort of display case so the American people can see our vengeance. What else could cause hurricanes?”
“I hate to mention it,” Scott McClellan stated, “but, really, weather is just an act of God and…”
“I want God placed at the top of the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted!” Bush demanded. He then took a piece of paper and quickly wrote out a note and thrust it to Scott. “Here’s an ultimatum for God full of swear words and demanding His surrender. I want you to go to the nearest cathedral and deliver it.”
“But…”
“Now!” Bush yelled and shook his fist at Scott. Scott grabbed the note and ran away in fright.
“If I may go to other matters,” Rumsfeld said, “Iran has recently had itself bombed by us in an act of defiance. I say we bomb them in retaliation.”
“Rummy, I don’t have time for war talk,” Bush answered, “You make all the decisions and handle that yourself.”
Rumsfeld walked away laughing evilly.
“Always keeping good spirits,” Bush remarked.
A man in a black suit, black tie, and black sunglasses entered the room. “I have information on Hurricane Katrina that might interest you.”
“And who are you?”
“My name is Clancy. I work with U.S. intelligence… or maybe I don’t, if you know what I mean.”
“No… but continue.”
“Most think the reason Hurricane Katrina became more powerful was because of the water temperatures in the Gulf, but we found one poster on some bboard who blamed it on the Chinese. And, posters on internet bboards are almost never wrong… or never right. I forget which.”
“We don’t have time to figure that out,” Bush declared, “I want both China and the Gulf nuked.”
Vice President Cheney ran into the room. “Chief Justice Rehnquist is dead!”
Bush looked back with shock. He soon recovered to ask, “Was he killed by weather?”
“We don’t yet know.”
“He will be avenged!” Bush shouted into the air. He then thought for a moment. “Ooh, I need to write a eulogy.”
“Rehnquist always believed the Constitution was a living document,” Bush told the people in attendance at the funeral, “That’s why he obtained a magic dagger and plunged it into the heart of the Constitution, killing it forever. Because of his conservatism, many liberals were afraid that Rehnquist would vote against Roe v. Wade… since he already did back in ’73. Still, he was respected by both sides, especially for his work towards civil rights for cyborgs, giving them a percentage of human rights based on their ratio of man to machine. I just hope we can all spend our last days like him, working tirelessly and cowering in the corner out of fear of Scalia’s sudden mood swings. Furthermore…”
It started raining heavily.
“What!” Bush shouted, “This is another act of defiance by God! Didn’t He get my ultimatum? Scott! Where are you?”
“Scott’s in the hospital, dear,” Laura Bush told him, “He was struck by lightning on the way out of a cathedral. Quite odd, since it was a cloudless day.”
Bush shrugged his shoulders. “Sometimes weather is random; what are ya gonna do?”
Tribes
Whitler is back, and this one doesn’t look as long as his usual one. I’ll get to reading it soon, but wanted to give everyone a heads up.
UPDATE: Couldn’t wait to read it, and it was really good. Despite the warning at top, I don’t remember too much foul language. Everyone go read now! The new IMW will be posted in the afternoon.
A Toshiba nuclear reactor?
The one and only Homocon blogs about how U.S. dependence on dirty fossil fuels over clean nuclear power is very apparent after the recent hurricane.
I was shocked when his blog mentions the town of Galena, AK was given a Toshiba 4S nuclear powered “micro-reactor” to h–
Whoa, Toshiba? Toshiba builds nuclear reactors? Yeah, and have been doing it even after we dropped two A-bombs on them and Godzilla flattened Tokyo.
Better yet, it sounds like Toshiba has shrunk a big ol’ nuclear reactor down to “micro-reactor” size!
I looked for the Toshiba 4S micro-reactor today at Best Buy but came up empty. None of the salesmen on the floor were able to find any in the back room either. Eventually the sales manager got involved, but we just couldn’t find one. “It’s probably selling at a price point similar to those 60″ plasma screen TVs,” I said. “Can you look it up in the store’s computer? Maybe one of your other stores across town has one.”
“I haven’t heard any other stores talking about it,” the sales manager said. “Maybe we’re sold out because of the Labor Day sales?”
Well, that was a better theory than the lefty idiots at Amazon.com had: Their online sales rep blamed my inability to find a Toshiba 4S micro-reactor on their site because of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney’s connections to big oil…
Amazon.com is in Seattle, for cryin’ out loud. What do you expect?
What about nuclear reactors in U.S. Navy ships? Those are relatively small and IMAO has readers that know how to use them.