The new Halloween IMAO Podcast is up. Tell us how great it is here!
Yay!
Archive of entries posted on October 2005
I Want This Job.
Savage Releases CD, Wants Co-Host
That way I could pimp the podcast daily.
Update: more details here.
Update2: Ok I have just determined that the nice folks at the Michael Savage show can’t add. And that it’s not a real permanent job. So phooey.
Plus, what’s the pay? Nothing?
Death Rings the Door Tonight
Small people in masks will be coming to your door tonight, and you are probably wondering how can you be sure they are kids and not terrorist midgets since you can’t see their faces.
Easy.
Each time you answer the door for trick-or-treaters, drop a Koran on the floor and pee on it. If any of the masked shrimps attacks you… then he is really a Islamic terrorist midget!
Remember: Only you can prevent terrorist midgets on Halloween.
This was a public service announcement from IMAO and Ed’s Extra Absorbent Qurans.
Fun Trivia
not to worry, the podcast is on its way!
It’s Official: Spike Lee Blew Up NO Levees!
I know what you are thinking. You think I am nuts and how could I know this?
But I think it is fairly obvious that the movie director is personally responsible for blowing up NO levees.
VIA Newsbusters, he said on Real Time with Bill Maher and I quote
‘Exactly. It’s not far-fetched. And also I would like to say it’s not necessarily blow it up.’
Did you catch that?
I’m officially calling the ‘Gulity Dog Barks First’ rule of “Who farted?” fame.
Nation of Islam leader Farrakhan may have said that Bush blew up the levees, leaving Farrakhan the odds on favorite for the ‘guilty dog barking’ title for the levees blowing up, if they were blown up.
But Lee said ‘not necessarily blow it up’ so if the evidence shows that the levees were ‘not necessarily blow’n up then suspect number one would be Spike Lee for NOT blowing them up!
One of them is a were-dog! And “Spike” is as good a name for a dog as any. The Tom and Jerry cartoonists agreed.
Woof.
Fun Trivia
IMAO Guide to Spooky Creatures
There is a lot in the world that is spooky, so here’s a quick guide to all the spooky things out there. For simplicity, I marked creatures that, if they bite you, you become one with a “(B)”.
* DEMON: Powerful evil entity closely related to the devil. Not easily defeated by mortal man, but you might as well try some buckshot if you encounter one. If that doesn’t work, kick it in the shins. If that doesn’t work, then I’m outta ideas.
* DEVIL: Fallen angles; minions of Satan. They’ll try to get you to do evil stuff, so don’t listen to them. Or ask for cash payment up front.
* GHOSTS: Ghosts are the souls of the departed trapped in this world. In their despair and anger, they will lash out against humans, sometimes even throwing objects as poltergeists. Since they are not corporeal, no medication works on them. Ways of handling ghosts are blasting them with a beam from a proton pack or, lacking that, sucking them up in a vacuum. You can also have a priest come over and exorcise the spirits, but he’ll probably want dinner.
* GHOUL: A ghoul is kinda like a ghost but… well… I’m not sure what a ghoul is. If you think something is a ghoul, don’t touch it.
* HARPY: Female woman with bird features. May claw or nag you to death. Try buying it flowers.
* HILLARY CLINTON: May be a witch, a harpy, a devil, or lesser demon that (somewhat) conceals its horrible visage. Best way to defeat one is not to vote for her.
* MONKEY: Looks like a little furry human. Will try to bite you. Destroy with fire. (B)
* VAMPIRE: The ultimate undead. Will try to drink your blood (may have you fill out a form about whether you’ve ever been to the UK or Africa first). Can be stunned with holy water or sharp kick to the groin. Can be killed by sunlight, so the best way to defeat one is to screw with its alarm clock. (B)
* WEREWOLF: Half man, half wolf. Only dangerous when there is a full moon. Can be killed with a silver bullet. Gold and platinum bullets also work, but the cost of slugs is completely impractical. (B)
* WITCH: Usually considered evil and should be killed by burning, but the Harry Potter books have made them popular. Destroy those books by burning.
* WRAITH: Like a ghost, but meaner. Throwing rocks at it does nothing. Try a high powered fan. If that doesn’t work, then high powered negotiations.
* ZOMBIE: Really been in vogue lately, so watch out. They are the walking undead, and like to eat human flesh or brains or something. Whatever they want, you ain’t gonna like it. Methods of killing them vary, but a shotgun to the head always works in a pinch (their heads, not yours). (B)
* YETI: Large beast that eats traveler in the Himalayas. Best way to defeat one, stay out of the frigg’n Himalayas.
Well, that’s all the spooky creatures I can think of; if you can think of others, put them in the comments.
Later Today on IMAO
Just in Time for Halloween: A SCOTUS Nominee So Conservative, He’s Spooky!
Wow. Another white male. What happened to the politics of gender and race?
Anyway, Alito is number four on John Hawkin’s poll of bloggers (I didn’t vote for him as I didn’t know much about him; back in the long long ago I trusted Bush to know these kind of things). He sounds good, and I’m still waiting for the full left-wing freak out about him.
Best of all, he’s not on Harry Reid’s list.
Anyway, as always, Michelle Malkin has a good round up. Actually, with this big breaking news, what the hell are you doing here? In reality, you should be checking out the other sites and coming back here and telling what I should know.
Get to it!
IMAO Podcast #18 10-31-05
- Introduction
- The horror of Harriet Miers
- Harvey: Fun Facts About Louisiana Part 1
- Right Wing Duck: What scares me
- Harvey: Fun Facts About Louisiana Part 2
- FrankJ: What scares me
- Hail to the Hottie
- “World of Knowledge” w/ host Frank J: Vampires
- Sarah K: What scares me
- Halloween essentials
- Children’s fears
- Conclusion
Halloween Audio: “Night of the Living Left”
If you wondered what it would sound like if two agents of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy(tm) and a talking cat were attacked by brainless lefty zombies led by Professor Ward “Chutch” Churchill on a Halloween night, then you must listen to the latest audio from IMAO’s friends at Pure Idiom.
Download Now:
WARNING: This audio is NOT G-rated kiddie stuff… You will hear zombies wearing ACLU t-shirts get their heads cut off, Nancy Pelosi will be called a VERY bad name, and shock rock legend Alice Cooper will rip “Peace Mom” Cindy Sheehan in half with his bare hands.
Hey, if none of that offends you–download away and Happy Halloween!
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Dr. Duck Answers – Halloween Edition
FIRST.
What is the big deal about peolple claiming the first comment spot?
Posted by Brian at October 20, 2005 09:07 PM
well, when you say “First, Ducky is the greatest”, then the Magic Duck grants you three wishes.
(Disclaimer: Magic Ducks appear whenever they feel like it)
**
As we all know, if you are bitten by a zombie, you turn into one, and hippies are no different.
Is there a correlation between the two groups?
Posted by Damian G.
Of course there’s a correlation. Let me share some history with you. A long time ago, at the great peace festival known as — the big Mud covered thing where all the stars played and people pooped in the woods — several of the performers were in fact dead. The fact is that they were hopped up on enough chemicals to supply Big Pharma. They not only played while dead — they of course participated in the typical post game orgies — the kind seen only at rock concerts and Clinton Presidencies. Of course, this led to many children being born — not only out of wedlock, but outside the laws of nature. These kids we refer to as hippies.
Hmmm… Needs More Nazi…
(A Filthy Lie of sorts)
Laura from Can’t Keep Quiet took a look at logo for the Alliance of Free Blogs:
and decided that it looked a lot like a certain Nazi logo:
dropping broad hints along the way that of course a bunch of fascist right-wingers would choose a Nazi symbol to represent their organization.
Being as she’s liberal, she is – by definition – completely and inarguably correct in her analysis.
In fact, it’s time for Alliance to goose-step out of the closet and go with the logo that we’d REALLY like (see extended entry):
Last Minute Evidence
Day off, so I haven’t been following the news much. Still, I saw from Kevin Drum’s site that Karl Rove gave some last minute information to Fitzgerald that kept him from being indicted. I think it was the head of one of Fitzgerald’s pets.
What do you think?