A liberal was annoying me today, so I punched him in the gut and tried to stuff him down a storm drain. Only problem was that he got stuck. So, am I in trouble, or are there no laws about blocking storm drains… or would those laws apply to him?

Glenn admits his evil with the last line of this post.

It has become quite certain that the Harriet Miers nomination is becoming a huge bane for the Bush presidency. His chances of reelection are now almost nil. But, at the same time, he can’t just withdraw the nomination or he’d look weak. So what can he do?
Well, I’ve thought of one solution…

Continue reading ‘An Out for Bush’ »

Seen this? “Massachusetts dam threatens to flood town.” I think we should treat dams the same way we treat terrorists – never give in to their demands. We have to stand strong, no matter how many towns in Massachusetts dams flood… especially since I don’t like Massachusetts.

Whores from Europe are lobbying the European Union for the “social rights” enjoyed by most European workers. Reuters says the whores of the International Committee on the Rights of Sex Workers in Europe (ICRSWE) were in Belgium yesterday to urge the EU to impose regulations on pimping in an effort to “curb exploitation and boost prostitutes’ willingness to pay tax in return for rights and social protection.”
Lefties on both sides of the Atlantic chide Americans for not being comfortable with their sexuality the way Europeans are… It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with my sexuality; it’s that I’m uncomfortable with this nasty-ass French whore’s sexuality:

This pic is of Camille Cabral, the French ICRSWE spokesmodel
I gather the ICRSWE is a union and this “woman” has seniority. A whole LOT of seniority.
UNRELATED TOPIC: Read about your sweet hit of sonic Halloween candy, “Night of the Living Left,” starring yours truly, Ward Churchill, Sean Penn, and Alice Cooper over at PureIdiom.com. Coming Soon!

Murder is at a forty year low, the lowest since the 60’s – you know, the decade of love that led to surge in violent crime.
Well, this is a good thing. I think the credit goes to all the people out there who didn’t murder… or didn’t murder as many people as they originally planned. To all those people who decided to punch the person they hate instead of strangling him, to all those who decided on marital counseling instead of murdering his or her spouse for the insurance money, to all those who decided on stamp collecting instead of serial killing – this achievement belongs to you. As for me, last year ranks among my top years of not killing people.
Of course, this low amount of murders might not be a good indicator. What I’m curious about is if there was an increase in attempted murder along with this decline in murder. That would mean that criminals have just gotten too dumb to successfully murder people. So, all this low murder rate could mean is our public schools are failing our children.
Also, many murders each year are from gang members, and the popularity of the “gangsta style” firing – holding the gun sideways to look cool – could have led to gangs being less lethal since you can’t hit jack holding the gun like that.
So, the low murder rate could mean one of two things: we’ve gotten less violent, or we’ve gotten dumber.
Something to think about.

After a few schoolgirls got gunned down by Palestinians, Israel reinstated some roadblocks and security measures they’d previously removed as “goodwill” gestures.
In response, United States envoy Lieutenant General William Ward has told the Israelis “to take steps to ease the daily plight of the Palestinian people.”
Aren’t you glad this idiot isn’t in Iraq and Afghanistan, getting American troops killed with touchy-feely humanitarian gestures to cold-blooded killers?
Or better yet, why not put in in charge of a militarized Mexican-American border, handing out blanks to the troops patroling our Southern frontier and passing out water bottles, bus passes, and free cell phones with LULAC and the ACLU on speed-dial?
WARD: “Mister President, the Mexicans are launching rockets from Tijuana into San Diego.”
W: “It’s just California, Kipper. They didn’t vote for me.”
KARL: “San Diego’s a lot of red in that blue, sir. And they’re killing children.”
W: “We’d better help my old pal Vicente, then. Release all Mexican nationals in the federal prison systems and return them to Mexico. Then give back all that land we’ve been occupyin.”
CHENEY: “Not the Gadsden Purchase! As Gadsden goes, so does the nation!”
W: Oh, and we’d better upgrade the weapons of the Mexican Police.”
WARD: “What about the corrupt officials in their ranks?”
W: “That’s their problem to sort out.”
WARD: “Yes, sir!”
Would never happen. Instead, Tijuana would be bombed into a blood-and-body parts margarita.
We’ll see how long Ward lasts before Sharon finally kicks him out or makes him sit at the kid’s table during meals

So, in the news now we have the Iraqi Constitution vote and more Miers controversy and Rove talking to grand juries… ya, know, boring stuff. Still, I will soldier on and come up with a post so funny you’ll be like, “Wow! That was funny! Let’s empty out our bank accounts and give all the monkey to Frank J.”