Yay! Listen to it and then go to… something or other.
Oh, and we never did do a vote drive this month. Now vote because we’re pretty!
Archive of entries posted on 11th October 2005
Justification For War
As outlined in President Bush’s 2003 State of the Union Address, the US had good cause for the invasion and bombing of the Smurf Village:
Ruthless dictator Saddam Smurfsein.
Embezzled “Oil for Smurfs” money squandered on lavish palaces.
Chemical Ali Smurf cooking up Weapons of Smurfy Destruction in mobile laboratory.
Political prisoners smurfed into filthy dungeons without trial.
Less fortunate Smurfs simply “disappear”.
And of course, the MOST important reason to attack the Smurfs… (see extended entry)
where’s the podcast?
Fun Trivia Challenge
Two of these statements were taken from Al Jazeera.
One was from USA Today.
Can you tell which is which without clicking the links?
A) It has become abundantly clear that the United States invaded Iraq for the wrong reasons. No link has been established between Saddam Hussein and the terrorists responsible for the Sept. 11 attacks. No weapons of mass destruction have been located inside Iraq.
B) More US soldiers have died in Iraq since George Bush declared an end to the war on 1 May 2003 prompting the question: Will Iraq turn into a new Vietnam eventually bringing the US to its senses … or perhaps to its knees?
C) US and British occupation of Iraq is regarded as the re-emergence of the old colonialist practices of the western empires in some quarters.
National Coming Out Day
A Story, Bit-by-Bit
Superego: Part 42 – Final Fight
BEGINNING OF STORY
PREVIOUS (PART 41)
I came to my feet with a strong uppercut. Diane blocked it, but it also knocked her back a bit. I then reached for one of my guns on the nightstand. Just as I pulled it out of the holster, a heel came down on my hand and the gun clattered to the ground. A hook punch then caught me in the side of the head, knocking me down again. I rolled back to my feet, and there I stood facing her and a blaster lying between the two of us.
My face was stinging and my vision was slightly blurred. Diane didn’t have much girth, but she knew how to put it behind a punch. Someone three times her size probably couldn’t have hit me as hard. She was a dangerous girl, all right, but as soon as I got my hand back on my gun that would be it for her.
She pulled out a pair of handcuffs. “I’m not going to let this happen, Rico. The only one who believes he is powerless to stop any of this is you.”
“Then you better give me your all right now,” I snarled back, “because I am going to kill you, Diane Thompson.”
I swung at her, and she ducked and got me in the gut. There was another huge shot of pain through my body. This was where a normal person would panic and fight more frantically, but I do not panic. I stay focused. That’s why I live and others die.
I kept throwing punches at her. She kept slipping in a blow her and there, but I shirked it off and didn’t let her capitalize on it. When it came down to it, I work out everyday and have a Y chromosone. She couldn’t hold up to my strength, and started to panic herself. I finally landed a solid blow to her body, and she awkwardly tried to get in close and do a limb lock. I then got a glancing strike to her head. It stunned her long enough for me to heft her into the air and throw her with all my might against the opposite wall.
She slumped to the ground, a dent above her. I then casually picked up the blaster off the ground and pointed it at her as she moaned and tried to get back to her feet.
“This is how it ends, Diane!” I shouted at her as I walked closer, the barrel pointed at her wide eyes. “No magical Jesus is going to come fly in and save you! Your whole life ends as just another kill for a mass murderer, and it will be but a side note to the slaughter today! I tried to help you see a little reason, but you had to antagonize the psychopath! Any last words?”
She opened her mouth to say something, but I went ahead and pulled the trigger.
NEXT
My Oh Miers.
I am, like many, in a quite a dilemma over Harriet Miers. She’s really quite the riddle. 
I don’t know who she is. Then again, I can’t recall ever hearing of George W. Bush before 1999 either.
But back to Ms. Miers.
I don’t know her opinion on a lot of things.
I don’t know how she likes her coffee. What is her paper/plastic preference. On the subject of toothpaste: does she roll? Does she squeeze? Does she have toothpaste in one of those fancy pumps?
The topic of her pizza topping preferences is a total mystery to me and potentially may always be. That is, of course, assuming I don’t hire some sort of private investigater to find these sorts of things out.
Is she Hell’s hand-old-maid-en. Is she Lady Liberty’s unmarried aunt that no one ever talks about?
She might just be the uberwomensch of conservative juris prudence or she might just turn out to be Souter II or possibly another Sandra Day O’Communist.
But then again maybe what we know won’t hurt us. Or perhaps, ignorance IS bliss. OR as my old friend G.I. Joe used to say if “knowing is half the battle” perhaps not knowing is the other half of the battle?
Harriet Miers? Could she BE more vague? I don’t know.
Maybe?
the oft-delayed IMAO Podcast!
In My World: Time for an Intervention
“And now, the next nominee for the Supreme Court…” Bush yelled, and the crowd of conservatives went wild. Bush then pulled back the curtain. “Some woman!”
“Hi, everybody!”
The stunned silence was broken by a few coughs.
Bush looked at the crowd with confusion. “What?”
“Yay! Everybody is here in the Oval Office for that videogame tournament,” Bush exclaimed excitedly, “Even Rummy is here, and I didn’t even think he knew what videogames are.”
The door to the Oval Office was closed by Cheney. “Actually, we weren’t truthful when we said there was going to be a White House videogame tournament,” he said, “In fact, this is an intervention.”
“For what?” Bush asked as Laura led him to a chair.
“For being either stupid or crazy,” Condi answered, “We’re not exactly sure.”
“Can an intervention cure that?” Bush inquired.
Laura held his hands. “It seemed worth a shot.”
“My job was to bring drinks!” Scott McClellan added proudly.
“Can we get all this talking over with quick before it turns me into a fruit?” Rumsfeld growled, his rottweiler Chomps sitting by his side and looking just as angry.
“Well, why does everybody think I’m stupid and/or crazy now?”
“We always suspected it,” Laura answered, “but, now, with the nomination of Harriet Miers…”
“Is that what this is about?” Bush said with surprise, “What’s wrong with her?”
“I appreciate the cronyism,” Cheney answered, “but why in the world would you pick her out of all the possible choices in the entire country?”
“Because everyone is worried I’d pick a Souter like my father,” Bush replied, “and I’ve learned from the mistakes of my father such as make sure you finish the war in Iraq and don’t be not reelected. So, I picked someone I know who isn’t going to be a surprise when she gets in the Court. And I know… uh… what’s-her-face, and respect her judgment. Every time she sees me, she compliments my tie… and even ties that one time I accidentally wore two at once. That’s who I want on the court!”
“But even our illegal immigrant janitor has more legal qualifications!” Condi shouted.
“Si,” said Pedro as he emptied the Oval Office wastepaper basket, “Las calificaciones legales de Harriet Miers son dudosas.”
“No one other than you would have even thought to choose her,” Cheney stated.
“She was on Harry Reid’s list!” Bush answered defensively.
Laura slapped Bush in the face. “Do you even hear what you’re saying?”
“Fine,” Bush groaned, “everyone hates Harriet Miers. Anyone else have something to add?”
Chomps ran over and bit Bush in the leg. “Son of a…”
“I second what Chomps said,” Rumsfeld declared, “Also, where is the open bar we were promised?”
“When I was told to bring to drinks, I thought that meant punch. So… AWW MY LEG!”
Chomps pulled Scott out of his chair and started to drag him across the room.
“Well, I’ve had enough of this!” Bush asserted as he got up, “I stand by my decisions!” When he opened the office door, there stood Harriet Miers.
“I heard everyone in here and wondered what was going on,” she said.
“Uh… nothing.”
“By the way, I just read the Constitution for the first time and it’s neato! Have you read it before?”
“I… uh… scanned it once.”
“Being a Supreme Court Justice is going to be fun! Yay!” Harriet Miers then ran off.
Bush looked back to everyone in his office. “As soon as she starts making judicial decisions, you’re all going to love her.” He then stormed off.
“Well, this administration is over,” Cheney declared, “Might as well start working on our next jobs. I’m thinking of forming an elite group of bounty hunters. Who’s in?”
Now THAT’S smurfed up!
Most sane people figured this out 25 years ago, but finally the U.N. got the memo that Smurfs are up to no good and bombed their sorry blue butts:
These subhuman creatures live in a patriarical society ruled by a quasi-religious dictator with a beard, they devalue the lone female in the town by forcing her to care for the children (a career-killing move for any upwardly mobile young woman), and they hate cats… and that really pissed off Laurence Simon. To top it off, they are somehow related to Belgium.
Oh, wait. Now I’m getting word that this is actually an anti-war campaign funded by the UN to shame George W. Bush for personally toppling brutal Arab dictatorships and make Americans feel guilty for cutting off Kojo Anan’s multimillion dollar per year gig moonlighting for Baathist Iraq’s oil merchants.
Yep, after seeing the devastation of the Smurfs, I can’t help feeling smurfy. George W. Bush is so smurfing bad, I just smurfed myself.
Can the carnage of the Snorks be far behind?
He’s Now More Famous
On my way home from work, I heard John Hawkins’s new poll of bloggers about the Harriet Miers nomination (which SarahK, Lair, and I participated in) mentioned on the Laura Ingraham Show. Cool!
Interestingly, NRO recently had an article saying Bush should dump Miers and nominate Ingraham.
OT, an IMW is waiting for posting this afternoon.
IMAO Podcast #16 10-11-05
- Introduction
- IMAO’s Wizard of Oz Parody (Part 1)
- SarahK: “She Blonded Me With Science”
- IMAO’s Wizard of Oz Parody (Part 2)
- Harvey: Fun Facts About Kansas Part 1
- IMAO’s Wizard of Oz Parody (Part 3)
- Harvey: Fun Facts About Kansas Part 2
- IMAO’s Wizard of Oz Parody (Part 4)
- Frank J: “The End of the Yellow Brick Road”
- IMAO’s Wizard of Oz Parody (Part 5)
- Laurence Simon’s Crappy Bedtime Stories: The ChallahBread Man
- Sarah K: “The End of the Yellow Brick Road”
- “World of Knowledge” w/ host Frank J: Crazy Weather Phenomena
- IMAO’s Wizard of Oz Parody (Part 6)
- Harvey: “The End of the Yellow Brick Road”
- SarahK reviews “Serenity”
- IMAO’s Wizard of Oz Parody (Part 7)
- Conclusion
Dubya and Karl Rove in the new IMAudiO
A commenter calling herself “Third” cried:
Don’t you have any qualms about quitting the IMAO podcast only to start another one–and shill it on IMAO? Amazing.?
Thanks for your comment, Third.
There hasn’t been a lot of talk about my role in future IMAO Podcasts, but the fact is that I provide voices in the Tuesday IMAO Podcast for these three characters: